Snap, only 10 min til midnight and Valentine's over. Uh, so this is a part 2 another of my oneshots called Love Yourself. Not sure if you can read this without reading that, but you can go ahead if you want. Also, I'll probably come back to edit this because I did not proofread this at all, so its probably really bad. But with the warnings out of the way, hope you can enjoy anyway!
I woke up to my lovely, and by lovely I mean annoying, alarm the next day. The sun was just peaking through the curtains, and birds were chirping merrily like it was the best day ever.
God, I hate mornings.
Ah, right. Yesterday.
"Y/N, you are lovable. I don't know where you got the idea that you're not, but I'm sure there are people who love you! Like your family and friends! And even if they don't, I do."
Aaaaand cue the blush. I cringed at myself.
Man, is this what being in love is like? I see why its romanticized everywhere now. It's… actually a really nice feeling. Of course, it's sad that my feelings will never be reciprocated, but I've already come to terms with that. I mean, I just had to fall in love with someone who I already know is head over heels for someone else. That's just my luck, really.
Well, I've read from very reliable sources such as shoujo manga and anime that its best to be rejected from the person to really let go of such feelings… but I wanna hold on for now. But, I also know from my sources how painful it is to have unrequited feelings… so I'll stop when it gets there.
Selfish, huh?
Anyway, I should get up now.
"Heeeey." Here we go again. "Soooo, did you-" I showed her my blank sheet. She blinked then looked to me, then to the paper, then to me, then to the- well, lets just say she repeated this for a minute before grabbing the paper and doing the same thing for another whole minute.
"You…"
"Mhm."
"Oh my God."
"Mhm."
"ARE YOU DYING?!"
"Mh- Wait, whut."
"ARE YOU OKAY?! WHAT HAPPENED?! ARE YOU SECRETLY DYING?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL MEEEEE!" My dear friend anguished as she dropped my sheet, grabbed my shoulders, and shook me like I was healthy enough to withstand the shaking of an extreme earthquake.
"I would love to tell you if you would stop using earthquake on me." I managed to say in the roller-coaster simulator.
"Oh, sorry." She immediately let go before sitting down with her full attention on me. "Now, tell me because you never not do your homework. Like, not since I've known you. And that's, like, a loooong time."
"I'll tell you as long as you promise not to yell it out to the whole world." I told her seriously as I scooted closer.
"I swear on all my anime figures."
"You only have one."
"And?"
"That's… nevermind."
"Okaaay. Now tell me already!" She bounced slightly in excitement. "I've never seen you like this before."
"What does that mean?"
"Uh, nothing. Now telllllll meeee!" I eyed her suspiciously before shrugging.
"So, I know you think I like Yamamoto-san." Her eyes lit up.
"Oh! Oh! Did something happen between you two?" There were stars in her eyes.
"No."
"Oh."
"But," I could feel my cheeks warming up already, "something did happen with someone else."
"Le Gasp!" She moved back and placed her hand on her chest. "You're totally blushing."
"I know! Shut up!" I unconsciously puffed out my cheeks.
"AWWWW! YOU ARE SO CUTE RIGHT NOW!" I pouted as she was clearly enjoying seeing me like this.
"I said shut up!" I looked away from her. "You know what, I'm not telling you any more."
"Aw, come onnnn! Don't be like that." She grabbed my hand. "It's just that this is the first time I'm seeing you like this!"
I deliberately stayed silent.
"Coooooooome onnnnnn!" She lightly pulled my arm.
Just then, the group slid the door open. Of course, everyone looked at them. How could you not?
I couldn't help the small smile that appeared on my face once I saw the fluff ball. It's amazing how my day automatically brightened by just seeing him. Makes me wonder what being closer to him would be like…
As friends, of course. Duh…
As I came out of my brain, I noticed my friend smirking at me. "What?"
"Wow. You are so-"
"Y/N." My heart jumped at the voice before slowly speeding up.
You know, I take back what I said. If I was any closer to him on the daily, I think I would die.
"Yes?" I pulled my hand from my friend and gave my full, undivided attention to this angel.
"Are you doing okay now?" Tsuna asked with sweet, sincere concern for me.
"I'm doing better now for sure." I smiled genuinely at him. It seemed to reach him as he smiled back at me.
And killed me.
My heart has stopped.
Man, what a way to go.
"I'm glad. Just remember what I told you, okay?" He cutely reminded me.
"Don't worry, Tsuna, I will." For the rest of my life, which may be cut short if you keep being so cute.
Just as Tsuna was about to say something, a certain clingy smartass took his attention.
"Someone's got it baaaaaad~"
"For. The. Last. Time. Shut. UP!"
"Hey, are you heading to the back again?"
"You bet."
"You just want to get away from me, don't you?" My friend pouted. I deadpanned.
"Oh? Was I too obvious?"
"Y/NNNNN!"
"I just want to relax." I rolled my eyes. "See ya."
Hopefully, I can actually eat peacefully at my spot. I cringed at the memory of the girl from yesterday as I made my way there.
This time I was lucky. No boy. No girl crying her salty fluid out her eye holes. No sweet chocolate. Just my tree and me. I sighed in relief as I sat in my usual spot. I set my lunch before me and ate as I thought and looked out at the grass before me.
While I was giddy this morning, cruel reality grabbed me and slammed back into hard, cold reality. After Tsuna talked to me, he went on with his day normally, which means staring at Kyoko all day with hearts for eyes. That means reality having a hell of a time laughing at me as it stabbed my heart over and over.
I sighed as I took out the red, heart-shaped lollipop from within my pocket and stared at it. Maybe I should give it to him as a confession after all. I think I enjoyed love for a good bit. I finally understand all the hype about it at least. I also understand the downsides to it as well. And, at least my heart has bettered from all this.
I hope we can at least be friends, I guess. He is an amazing person after all. I mean, he went from being bullied to being the future leader in the mafia. How that came about I would like to know, but I'm sure it's because of who he is… Also how cruel reality works.
"There you are!" I instantly slipped the candy back in my pocket as the familiar voice hit my ears.
I looked up to see Tsuna along with Gokudera and Yamamoto following running towards me. I blinked.
"Uh, do you need something from me?" I asked as I took a bite of my sandwich.
Don't worry, lunch, I'll make sure you achieve your goal this time even if Tsuna gets in the way again.
"Yeah, but, uhm, why are you eating back here alone?" He asked in confusion and, of course, slight concern.
"I like it here." I simply shrugged. He blinked. "It's quiet."
"Haha, you like being in peace, don't you?" Yamamoto cheerfully grinned. I nodded.
"So, what do ya want?" I asked directly.
"Well, I was wondering if you were free after school?" He asked, obviously not with the intent my heart was pounding for. But, my dang heart was hallucinating.
"Yeah, why?" I said as I tried not to have my face be a mirror of my feelings.
"Reborn said I should introduce you to everyone. You know, since you are a new member, after all." He sheepishly said. I blinked.
"…Uh, whut."
"Are you deaf, woman?" Asshole spat down at me. I glared at him.
"I wish I was so I didn't have to hear whatever came out your mouth." I calmly stated before taking another bite of my sandwich. A tick mark could be seen on his face.
"YOU-"
"GOKUDERA!" Tsuna yelled to make him back down. Gokudera stopped but continued to glare at me.
"You remember the whole…mafia thing, right?" Tsuna asked as he sat down next to me to whisper.
It's a good thing he kept a good distance or I would have passed out.
"Oooooh, yeah. Right." I said as I stared at my sandwich.
"Don't worry. Even though it's scary, I'll do my best to protect you." Tsuna reassured me with confidence. Confidence I'm not used to seeing.
That. That, ladies and gentlemen, was too much for my already fragile heart.
"T-Thanks." I managed to squeak as I looked the other way, so they couldn't see my face flaming like that one character's fist from that one hero anime.
"It's the least I can do for Reborn dragging you into this." Tsuna sighed. "So, you are free?"
"Y-Yeah. Uh, we'll meet up at the front gate, then?" I looked at them when I felt my face had enough red that could pass from it just being cold.
"Great!" Tsuna's big smiled may have just inflamed my face again. "By the way, if you ever want to eat lunch with friends, just come join us!" Tsuna grinned at me before getting up.
"Y-Yeah. O-Okay." I sheepishly giggled.
"Oh, and maybe you should go inside soon. Your face is really red." Tsuna frowned. "I don't want you getting sick."
How much more can my heart possibly take?
"U-Un." I nodded as I touched my face to help cover the red. Tsuna smiled again, not helping my case.
"Good. See you later today!" Tsuna waved and walked away after Yamamoto waved, too. Gokudera just kept glaring at me. Even as they walked away, he would turn back to glare at me.
"Goddammit. Just when I wanted to quit, he had to waltz on here." I pouted for a minute before chuckling.
"God, I really do love him."
Love is really just a rollercoaster, huh? I go up and down, up and down, up and down. It's exhausting, honestly. Well, at least from here on it'll only be up since we're leaving school where the rival, Kyoko, is not within sight… at least I thought so.
"Let's go, Y/N!" Tsuna said excitedly with Kyoko beside him.
I felt my heart drop once again. Maybe even worse than last time.
"Y-Yeah." I forced a smile as I walked towards them with much less enthusiasm than a minute ago.
"Hi, Y/N, I don't think we've ever talked before?" Kyoko sweetly asked in her sweet voice with her sweet smile.
I want to leave.
"No, I don't think so." I smiled backed. "Nice to meet you." Kyoko lit up.
"You, too! I hope we get along as friends from now on!" Kyoko cutely clapped her hands in excitement.
I don't think that's possible.
"Yeah!" I agreed with much less eagerness than her.
To my disappointment, most of the walk to wherever we were going was filled with Kyoko blocking any chance of me escaping from her. At some point, another cute girl appeared and was also torturing me.
Geez. Why does he have 2 cute girls by him? If things don't work out with Kyoko, he very well can go for this Haru girl. She also seems to have feelings for him from what I can see. Well, I'm actually not sure if those feelings are of love or awe and reverence. I guess those 2 could get blurred, huh? Never thought about that.
Do I actually just admire Tsuna?... Nah, I don't think my heart would be this jumpy if that was the case.
And before I knew it, we arrived at what I assumed to be his house.
"H-Hibari?!" Tsuna let out a manly screech as the scary perfect seemed to be lounging on the wall next to the gate of his house. I gulped as I saw the dark man.
I never really had to deal with the guy or seen him in action, but I have heard more than my fair share of horror stories. And whenever the man every once and a while walked through the halls or stood by the front gate, usually near the time homeroom was about to start, I understood why he had such a haunting reputation. Hibari Kyouya. Known for his dark appearance, violence, carnivore and herbivore mindset, and hatred for crowding. THE Hibari Kyouya was here.
"Herbivore."
Oh. God. This man hated crowding more than me. I think this is it. At least I got to experience love before going.
"Y-Yes!" Tsuna squeaked as the man stood up straight.
He glared right at me.
Oh, so this is how it feels to be near death. It's not pleasant. Not. At. All.
Then, it let up before switching back to Tsuna.
I would have collapsed if the floor weren't hurtful concrete.
"I will bite you to death if you cause any trouble."
Oh, it's the famous line. Never knew he actually said it.
With that, the man left as quickly as he appeared.
"Why the fuck was that bastard here?" Gokudera asked no one in particular.
"Well, Y/N is here to meet the familigia."
And I almost lost my heart due to it jumping out my chest.
The little fucker was right next to me. When did he get there? Actually, how long has he been there?
"But, Reborn-"
"No, buts. Familigia is familigia." And as Reborn's baby voice said that, I finally processed what that meant.
"You mean-" I pointed where the perfect once stood not too long ago. "He's…"
"Yeah, b-but he's not that bad once you get to know him!" Tsuna quickly tried to reassure me as he probably saw all my blood leave my body. "I promise!"
"Uh huh." I agreed with absolutely no skepticism at all. Yup.
"Well, considering he didn't scoff at you, I think he doesn't hate you." Reborn reassuringly commented from onto my shoulder.
I merely looked at the baby before sighing.
"Whatever. I guess it's not that surprising the guy's involved with the mafia, though I would have thought he'd be on the justice side of things." I said in defeat. "Actually, it a good thing he's on our side." I shivered at the thought of being on the side against that monster.
"Haha, yeah." Pretty much everyone did the classic sweatdrop and agreed.
"Let's go. We'll meet Chrome there." Reborn piped in like we all didn't just imagine death in the form of a tonfa wielder that's power hungry.
"There?" Tsuna cocked his head to the side adorably.
"The amusement park, of course."
"What? Why?"
"To welcome the new member, Dame-Tsuna." Reborn leaped from my shoulder to land a rough looking kick to Tsuna's fluffy head.
"OW!"
And so we went. We met up with another cute girl named Chrome. I liked her more though. She has a nice quiet demeanor that I could stand. Heck, wouldn't mind being her friend, honestly. Still, that makes 3 upstanding girls around Tsuna. That significantly lowers my chances, if I even had any in the first place, with him.
At some point, a few more people showed up. Kyoko's brother, Ryohei, showed up after club practice. Another interesting individual to add to the already odd mix we have. And to make it worse, a child in a cow suit appeared along with a Chinese girl. Now, I don't horribly mind kids, but this boy. Oh no. I only did an introduction and stayed 10 feet away from that mess of a child for the rest of the day. I didn't mind the girl though. She was polite and pleasant. If I ever have a child, I would love for him/her to be like her.
The day wasn't insufferable, though. The girls were alright. The guys were very rowdy and chaotic to the point that it was almost unbearable. That is if they weren't so hilarious to watch. Rides were ridden and foods were consumed. It was nice that I didn't have to pay for anything either since it was my welcome party according to Reborn. I don't know if this is just like his way of putting me in debt to them or not, but I just chose to enjoy the moment for now. I'm apparently stuck with this interesting group for who knows how long, so I better just get used to it, I guess.
"So, Reborn, how come you revealed yourself to me?" I asked while we were lagging before the group. "Why involve me?"
"Hm." From his seat on my shoulder, I could see him smirk. "I thought you would be a good anchor for the group."
"What do you mean by anchor?" I scrunched my eyebrows together in confusion.
"I know you have a very… realistic view on life." I looked away from his piercing gaze. "And I thought it would help keep the group grounded."
"So, they're very carefree even though they're in the mafia, huh?" I chuckled. "Yeah, that seems about right."
"Maybe some of it will rub off on you." Reborn casually said as we slowly rejoined the group again.
"Maybe." I said under my breath as we joined the line everyone was waiting in for the rollercoaster.
One thing that made the day pass by slow and painfully was my jealousy. I always got so fricking butthurt whenever I saw Tsuna with one of the girls. And I hated it. I hated this feeling. It was so obnoxious. I didn't hate the girls. I just hated them being near Tsuna.
I see this is another downfall of love. The ugly jealousy.
I would flip flop between the hot, mad jealousy and the sad, lonely envy. Add to the mix fun and laughter to make an emotionally exhausted, lovesick fool, which is currently me.
And as the day neared its end, I knew I had to do something. I can't go on like this. Shoujo manga was right. I need to confess and get rejected before these feelings become any more troublesome.
Now… how and when does one confess to be rejected?
"Uh, Y/N?" I blinked back into reality to see Tsuna peering at me.
"Huh?" I felt the slight blush come on as I was attacked while unprepared.
"Is there anything you want to do? You know, while everyone kinda just left." He said sheepishly as he looked around.
I looked around to notice everyone had dispersed. When did that happen?
"Wait, where did everyone go?" I asked as I looked around to see any of the rowdy peeps.
"Uhm, Kyoko and Haru took Lambo and Ipin to some kids rides. Chrome joined them. Yamamoto dragged Gokudera off somewhere. Nii-san said something about training, and I don't know where Reborn went." Tsuna counted off on his fingers.
"Oh. Sorry, I tend to zone out a lot." I said as I looked around for something for us to do.
"Yeah, I've noticed that." Tsuna chuckled.
Ugh, what a great sound.
Then, I spotted it. The ultimate place of shoujo mangas and clichés. The classic end to an amusement park, especially when the sun is setting, which is about to happen. The Ferris wheel.
"Y/N?"
"What?"
"You zoned out again." Tsuna cracked a smile that hid laughter. My blush coated my cheeks again.
"Sorry, what did you say?" I looked away with embarrassment.
"It was nothing. So, you know what you want to do?" I slipped my hand into my pocket to make sure the lollipop was still in there. I nodded.
"Follow me."
"Oh."
"Oh?"
"I-I didn't mean it in a bad way. It's just-"
"Cliché? Overdone? Lame?"
"Well, you said it." I puffed my cheeks.
"Fine. I can go by myself, you know." I turned to go in line by myself.
"W-Wait!" Tsuna jogged up beside me. "I-I didn't mean I don't want to ride it."
"Sure you didn't." I rolled my eyes.
"I-I didn't!" Tsuna tried to placate me. "I just didn't think you would choose this out of all things."
"Then wait did you think I would choose?"
"…"
"Okay, so rather than you knowing what I would choose, you just thought I wouldn't choose this." Tsuna nodded. I leered at him.
"Sorry."
"Mhm." I pouted. And pout I did till we got in the box? Carriage? Whatever that thing is where you are trapped in for the whole ride.
So, the first half of the ride was spent in silence. Obviously, I wasn't pouting anymore but rather panicking. Tsuna, for what I can see, is squirming under the heavy air that plagues this box. Once we got to the top though, the sunset was blinding. We both couldn't help but let out an aw at the sight. And when we both looked at each when we realized we had the same reaction, we laughed. The heavy air dissipated as the sun started going down. I smiled knowing that I have to go down with the sun.
"Tsuna?"
"Yeah?" Tsuna said as he caught his breath.
"Uhm." I swallowed my voice and then had to cough it back up.
"Y/N?" Tsuna titled his head. I took a breath.
"Okay, so, uh, take this." I took out the lollipop from my pocket and held it out to him.
"Oh, thank you." Tsuna took it with grateful confusion.
"It's as thanks for what you said to me before." I felt my face blush very obviously.
"Ohhh." Realization hit him. "It was nothing. I just said what I meant." He smiled. I smiled back.
"I know. And I know you meant it as nothing to be taken seriously. Wait, not seriously, I mean not in the way I took it." I peered up to see Tsuna having confusion written all over his face. I steeled myself up. "What I mean is, I…."
"…What?"
"I said I like…"
"…Like?"
"Goddammit." I pinched myself. "I like you, Tsuna."
…
Shit.
"I know you don't like me because you obviously like Kyoko, so I just said it to say it. I mean, you don't have to respond or anything. Actually, you know what, you can forget this whole thing-"
"Woah, woah." Tsuna scrunched his eyebrows together. "You like me?" I nodded. "Really?" I nodded again. "Why?" I blinked. "I-I mean, I'm just no-"
"Oh, no. You are not gonna say that, are you? You know damn well, just as I do, that you are not the no-good you once were." I huffed angrily. "Sure, I've only realized recently, but that can't be helped since we were never friends until now. But, considering you have so many people following you, even the Hibari Kyouya, you have to be an extraordinary person. You are an extraordinary person. That's why I like you." I placed my hands on my cheeks to help contain my blush. "Though it actually might be more shallow since we only really talked yesterday and maybe it's actually just a crush because I'm weak." I mumbled.
"…" As silence took reign, I avoided eye contact by keeping my face turned to the view out. Noticing we were nearing the ground and the stick poking my leg, I realized I hadn't given him my valentine candy.
I gulped and looked at him. He was just staring at me. I had no freaking clue what the heck was going on in his mind. I bit my cheek. And just as we had stopped and were allowed to step out, I quickly pulled the lollipop out and shoved it to his chest.
"Happy late Valentine's." I mumbled before taking off.
I mean, I'm pretty much rejected right. Then again, he didn't respond. But, he also likes Kyoko. That much is obvious. Sigh. I think I'm just gonna head home. It's getting late anyway. And I think we're done here. Yeah. Buuut, I'll stop at stop food stands first to bring some food home.
Just as I was walking to the gate, I was stopped.
"That was a pretty cowardly more, don't you think?" I leered at the baby.
"Obviously. Even I know that much." I huffed out. "Wait, were you watching?"
"The idiot has been running around looking all over for you." Reborn tilted his hat forward so that it hid his face.
I scrunched my eyebrows together.
"Uh, why?"
"Why don't you ask him yourself?"
"Wha-"
"Y/N!"
"Oh."
I steeled myself as I turned around to see Tsuna running towards me covered in sweat, but my heart throbbed at the thought of him desperately running around looking for me.
"Yeah, that's me." I said as he stopped in front of me and leaned on his knees and caught his breath. "Woah, someone was running a marathon." I joked to lighten the mood.
"That's not funny! I thought you were upset and just left!" Tsuna yelled with his renewed lungs.
Tsuna actually seemed a little mad at me. I couldn't help the shock on my face.
"I-I'm sorry." I apologized automatically. Tsuna huffed, apparently letting all his anger go with it because then he looked at me with concern.
"N-No, I shouldn't have yelled at you. Especially since you…" Aaaand he was uncomfortable. I sighed.
"Tsuna, just say it." He looked taken aback.
"S-Say what?"
"No."
"No?"
"Say no to my confession." I sighed again. "You like Kyoko, right? So, I have no chance. Just reject me so that we can both move on with our lives." Tsuna looked trouble. "It's okay. I knew this would happen. We can still be friends. Well, not like we have a choice since we're stuck together because of this mafia stuff." I shrugged.
"But I'm not sure." Tsuna quietly said. I blinked.
"…Huh?" I gaped. "What do you mean, "I'm not sure?" You like Kyoko." Tsuna frowned.
"But, I don't know if she'll ever like me." Now it was my turn to frown.
"So, I'm like a leftover." Tsuna's eyes went wide.
"No! It's just I might not really like you like you like me but maybe I can?" I pursed my lips.
"What are you getting at?" Tsuna breathed in.
"I don't want to reject you, but I don't know if I want to accept either." Tsuna seemed cringed at his own statement afterward, realizing how bad this all was.
"Damn, never knew someone could be so half-assed."
"I-I so sor-"
"Nah. I think I get it." I shook my head. "Fine. Since you're so indecisive, let's just stay as friends for now. Maybe go on a date every once in a while. Test out the waters. Once you realize you can't love me, just tell me. Otherwise, if for whatever reason you somehow like me, too, tell me, and we'll see where we go from there." I gave him a little reassuring smile. Tsuna still seemed unsatisfied. "Or would you rather we just end our relationship here and pretend none of this ever happened?"
"N-No!" Tsuna immediately rejected. I cracked a genuine smile.
"Then, let's get to know each other better." I held out a hand for a handshake. Tsuna finally relaxed and smile as he shook my hand.
"I look forward to it." I chuckled.
"Me too."
I'll get to see if someone will actually fall in love with me. Either way, I think I'll be alright. I think we'll be alright.
