Gonna make this short, 'cuz I hate long ANs, but this is my very first published work here on , and I really hope you enjoy every last bite! Nom noms! Hm, I don't own Naruto, but I do, however, own Orochimaru's- uh... well, nevermind. :D )


Agony! Such horrific agony!

Oh, his arms; his arms, they were on fire! A burning, screaming, itching fire that could never be extinguished!

Yes, Orochimaru was in terrific pain. And as he practically stumbled down the hallway, out of pure stubbornness refusing to use anything as support, it was very obvious that this was not the best time to try and engage him in conversation. Though he already was a frighteningly dangerous man, a furious, pain-blinded Orochimaru was ten thousand times worse. Avoiding catching his eye, standing in his way, and mentioning his affliction within earshot were absolutely the smartest ways to preserve one's lesser life.

Uchiha Sasuke came around the corner and marched right up to Orochimaru, halted directly in his path, and said, loudly, "Orochimaru!" With no suffix. No title.

I think it important to note that it has long been whispered that maybe possibly the five-foot-four, fourteen-year-old was not all quite there, if you catch my drift. As if in flagrant verification of this rumor, hestood there staring expectantly and very insolently at the exceptionally temperamental serpent master...ly.

Clearly not in the mood for Sasuke's antics today, Orochimaru tilted his chin up only far enough to shoot one of his most infamous, petrifying glares, and then said...well, more it was more of a grunt, "Move."

Sasuke did not. He even went so far as to shake his head at the man. Of the scarce few that had been brave enough to watch this train-wreck-in-process, more that half of that group booked it the hell out of there right then.

Now very, very agitated and highly offended (on top of the fury at his pain), Orochimaru lifted his head until his eyes were open so wide and clearly that all one could see behind his sea of raven hair was white and a blinding flash of infuriated gold. The last of the spectators were sure right then and there that, that idiot Sasuke was about to burst into flames or something, and they flinched and turned away.

But he merely raised his chin.

"Get. out. of. my. way." The master's voice was only soft on the decibel scale. Very easily, he probably could have slit that boy's insubordinate throat with the slice of his razor-sharpened enunciation alone. Not (outwardly) intimidated, Sasuke answered him.

"Orochimaru (no title again), it has been two months since our last face-to-face, one-on-one sparring match. Not only that, but the strict, intense, spirit-killing training you promised me has been a complete and total disappointment and a waste of my time."

Somewhere, in furthest recesses of his mind, Orochimaru was slighted. How dare that brat insult his methods of punishment (which is what the "training" was, punishment). But his arms twinged and all other thought was pushed out of his head.

Sasuke went on.

"I'm tired of waiting for you. If I were the injured one, you would never allow me to sit around and make excuses. You never gave a damn how I felt- I asked for it, I got what I wanted."

Orochimaru stared at him. His upper lip began to curl.

"I want to fight you today. Not tomorrow, not the next day, but today. I realize that you're handicapped right now. Instead of using this as an excuse to be lazy, I think the training should revolve around your... problem." Sasuke suddenly twisted to the left and pulled his arms out from behind him. A purple rope held them securely together at his wrists.

"I should have a handicap, too. I've been training a lot like this, but it's not the same by myself. I want to fight you this way. Today," he repeated.

The audience, unable to resist the human urge to peek at gore, had hesitantly glanced back to see what kind of mess the foolish boy had become, but lo and behold, he was fine! Not a rotting corpse. Now they were staring incredulously. The child really was insane.

Having forgotten his anger in a moment of shock, Orochimaru straightened up and said, "Have you lost your mind?" Guess he thought so, too.

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"This isn't a joke, okay? I'm sick of this mopey, boring crap every day. I'm over it." The San'nin gazed at his hands and then at Sasuke's face, his expression angry but much, much lesser so. He stared at Sasuke for a very long time, the minutes ticking by and powered on absolute silence and tension.

Then, without warning, he bent over. Sasuke opened his mouth to ask something, but was cut off.

Orochimaru exploded into laughter.

The sheer force of his mad cackle knocked him violently off of his balance, sending him stumbling forward. Startled, Sasuke rushed forward as if to catch the man, but he realized too late that he couldn't bring up his hands. Also, he realized that he really didn't actually care whether the old man fell or not.

Orochimaru threw an arm around the Uchiha anyway and continued to laugh. Those were quite honestly the longest (and scariest) three minutes and thirty-four seconds of everyone else's lives.

He buried his face into Sasuke's neck and chuckled, still highly amused. He even gave a short laugh when Sasuke tensed (as if expecting him to lose control again).

"My dear Sasuke," he began.

He paused, feeling the boy swallow. Then he continued.

"Child, how do you think of these incredible things?" Even though he smiled, the exhaustion was clear in his voice. "You amuse me to no end, you know that?"

Hearing this, Sasuke tossed his hair. "I'm not trying to be funny! This is serious!"

"That's why it's funny," The master replied. "I have never in my entire life met someone as... as..." It seemed as if he couldn't find the right word to describe Sasuke. Sasuke flushed, though whether with indignation or embarrassment, it was hard to tell.

"Anyway," he went on, pulling away but keeping his arm hanging over the boy's shoulders, "I admire your courage and initiative. Not even Kabuto-kun has ever accosted me like that." Apprehensive pause.

"Is your heart set on training today?"

His anger and frustration hadn't completely melted away, but his mood had certainly lifted. Even his tone had lightened so much that he almost sounded like his old, mocking self again. Sasuke smirked and nodded.

Orochimaru nodded, too. "Let's make a deal," he said, starting to walk. He pulled Sasuke with him, using a strength the boy hadn't realized he still had.

Later on, Sasuke found himself kneeling on the ground, screaming more out of frustration than out of pain. (Although he was in a LOT of pain, don't get me wrong.)

Halfway across the room, Orochimaru only gently panted, standing with his knees slightly bent and his arms hanging loosely at his sides. He had just recently taken a large dose of medicine, so his arms were hardly a bother. Orochimaru felt absolutely wonderful right now and he wanted to prolong his adrenaline high, so he screamed at Sasuke to "Get up! You asked for it, and I'm giving you what you wanted!" Sasuke's miserable grunting response made him smile.

In the end, Sasuke managed to break two ribs, his right ankle, both of his arms (in a completely unrelated battle, involving the ropes and Kabuto), and he was stabbed through his body twice by Kusanagi. Orochimaru gained one broken nose.

(and the gleeful joy Sasuke felt while watching the man squirm as Kabuto set it made most of his injuries totally worthwhile.)