Another Bones fic I know I know but I've been planning this for a while! XD if there's anything I missed just PM or review, I'll add it later.

Completely crack fic, none of it is made to be coherent, as there will be fourth wall breaking and crossing of interns that should have never crossed. AAHAHAHAAAHAHAAA this will be a two shot so look out!

Disclaimer: I OWN NONE OF IT!


The Interns in the List

It was an ordinary morning at the Medico-Legal Lab at the Jeffersonian Institute in Washington, D.C. Nothing strange or out of the ordinary seemed to be occurring, besides the fact that there hadn't seemed to be any murder cases reported yet. This made one Dr. Jack Hodgins quite antsy when it came to entertainment. Well, sure, he shouldn't think of investigating murders as entertaining, but it gave him so many bugs to analyze, so many samples! Plus, he loved catching the bad guys and feeling good about himself at the end of the day.

Unfortunately for the entomologist, he had none of that this fine unassuming morning, and it was really, really starting to bug him. Dr. Brennan didn't usually arrive until a couple hours later if Booth didn't get her for a case, and unless there was a case, Booth usually spent most of his time at the FBI building. Ang would probably be on her way but wouldn't get here for another twenty minutes and Cam wasn't much of a morning person unless she had to be. Hodgins slumped on his desk.

Why had he come this early in the first place if it made him so depressingly bored? His mind flitted back to his bedroom earlier this morning:

Around 3:00 AM

He heard a phone ringing and his sleep was broken after a few minutes of its pestering chime. Hodgins groggily opened his eyes and reached for his cell.

"MhhHello?"

"Hodgins? It's Sweets!" came a slightly hushed reply. "I'm sorry if I disturbed you but it's important!" The bug scientist groaned and he rubbed his face with his free hand.

"Sweets," he whispered in a threatening tone. "Do you have any idea what time it is?" There seemed to be a sigh from the other end of the line.

"I'm sorry for waking you up Dr. Hodgins, but I'm really freaked out here!" the psychologist pleaded. Hodgins sat up, rolling his eyes and yawning.

"Alright, calm down there, what's got you so flipped?" he asked.

"I received an alert about an hour ago that someone broke into my office in the FBI building!" he explained exasperatedly, which got Hodgins's attention. "I drove down and I couldn't find anyone, but I saw that this person had used my computer to send a message to Dr. Brennan!"

The former paranoid conspiracy theorist rubbed his temples to try and process this information. It was WAY too early in the morning for this; his mind was spinning in circles. He took a breath; he needed to get Sweets to shut up so he could think.

"Okay, alright, I'll go down to the lab in a minute and check it out," he appeased, speaking quickly.

"Thank you Hodgins," Sweets replied in relief. "Let me know what's up when you get there and I'll meet you when I can."

"Mkay, bye."

Present Time, 4:30 AM

The bug man groaned and sat up in his chair. Right, that's what he had come in for, by the time he had gotten up and come in, he had completely forgotten. Giving a heated sigh, he made his way over to Dr. Brennan's office and went to her computer. Hodgins chuckled when he saw that it was left on; the doc had a late night and must've forgotten to shut off her computer when she left.

"Well now, let's see what got Sweets so paranoid," he murmured, sitting at the forensic anthropologist's desk. Opening up the email, Hodgins took a look at the newest in her inbox, and after what seemed like a few minutes, Jack Hodgins cracked up laughing.

"Oh my god this is crazy, ahahaa!" he chuckled, grabbing his phone and dialing the resident shrink. The entomologist chuckled when Sweets picked up the phone. "Sweets, you gotta come down to the lab and see this! I'm calling the others, this is hilarious!"

Once he hung up with the psychologist, he proceeded to send a mass text to Brennan, Booth, Angela, Cam, and all of the interns. No sooner than ten minutes passed and Dr. Sweets was walking into the room and Hodgins broke into a smile.

"What is it Hodgins?" the shrink queried. With a grin, said scientist presented the file attached to Brennan's email. Within a few minutes, a curious expression came upon the baby-boy shrink. "Interesting…"

TheInternsInTheListTheInternsInTheList

Dr. Brennan hurriedly fixed her long coat while she strode into the lab of the Jeffersonian, she met the eyes of Angela, Cam, and Wendell through the door and all of their faces looked as perplexed as hers was. Angela smiled as her friend approached.

"Hey Sweetie," she began, a hint of awkward feeling in her voice. "Do you have any idea why Hodgins called us in?" Temperance shook her head.

"I do not, I am as clueless as the rest of us in this situation," she replied slowly, not liking the sound of her answer. "Who else was on the receiver?" The artist whipped out her cell and checked her messages.

"Well, there was us, Cam, Booth, Wendell, Vincent, Clark, Daisy, Fisher, Arastoo, Finn, and Oliver."

A silent, but yet loud ringing erupted suddenly, like something that was said or done was not meant to have transpired, but the people gathered paid no mind. Booth walked in, seemingly irritated, and soon following were the rest of the people listed not already present.

At perfect timing, Hodgins came out to greet all of his peers and with great excitement took them into Angela's room where her screen was set up.

"Ang, pull up the file from Dr. Brennan's e-mail," he instructed, and warily, Angela complied. And promptly all of the jaws in the room dropped, minus Sweets's and Hodgins's jaws.

On the screen read the following:

List of Firsts/Achievements Made by the Interns of Dr. Brennan at the Jeffersonian

In chronological order

Dr. Zachary Addy: First and only intern to have worked with Dr. Goodman;First intern to go to Afghanistan and later be sent back in three months' time; First intern to save two Gravedigger victims; First intern to have potentially been fired due to being an intern, then subsequently get his doctorate; First intern to be blown up twice, once as a target, latter as saving Dr. Hodgins; First intern to be wrongly accused of killing and spend the rest of his life in a looney bin, only those of which who knew were himself, Dr. Sweets, and the coma-dream!Vincent; First intern to break out of the looney bin.

Dr. Clark Thomas Edison: First intern to appear after Zack; First intern to quit on his own, but subsequently return; First intern to be a vegan; First intern to take up archaeological anthropology at the Jeffersonian and fight with Dr. Brennan over custody of Neanderthal and Homo sapiens bodies; First intern to have a name corresponding with one of the founding fathers.

Wendell Bray: First "normal" intern, acknowledged by Booth, Dr. Brennan and Hodgins at one point; First intern to be thrice misinterpreted by Angela in his first appearance; First intern to be a part of Booth's ice hockey team; First intern to potentially lose the job due to financial reasons, but then be backed by a donation made by Dr. Brennan, Cam, and Hodgins; First intern and person to donate for Angela's pig-saving campaign; First intern to have a thing with Angela; First intern to pose nude, for Angela; First intern to have possibly gotten Angela pregnant, but then it turned out negative; First intern that Dr. Brennan went to after returning from Maluku.

Arastoo Vaziri: First and only Middle-Eastern heritage intern; First intern to practice Islam; First intern to fake an accent to be more socially and professionally accepted; First intern to be a published poet; First intern to have a thing with Cam and write a poem for her.

Colin Fisher: First intern to depress Cam; First intern to offer sperm in favor over Booth's; First intern to star in a blockbuster movie and subsequently misses the premier; First intern to sleep with a suspect and almost getting fired for it; First intern revealed able to read lips.

Daisy Wick: First female intern; First and only intern to have been fired twice out of sheer annoyance and not performance or intellect; First intern to idolize Dr. Brennan to the point of stating it nearly every time she makes an observation/decision; First and only intern to have a relationship with Dr. Sweets that continually goes on and off; First intern to be engaged and subsequently disengaged. (or is it unengaged?)

Vincent Nigel-Murray: First and only British intern; First intern to have a coping mechanism drawn to spouting mostly irrelevant facts; First intern to have won Jeopardy; First intern to get totally drunk, do crazy things, and then subsequently apologize for all of the things he did; First intern to get Dr. Brennan's pet iguana to stay on his head; First intern to have represented T-Rex in an arm-wrestling challenge designed to mock battle between dinosaur and human; First intern to have been shot in the heart and mourned; First intern to have been named after; Officially stated as Dr. Brennan's favorite intern despite hard beginnings and striving for approval.

Finn Abernathy: Youngest intern; First intern to have dated Michelle; First intern to have a criminal past.

Oliver Wells: Newest intern; First intern to have delved into psychology.

After a long silence of reading, no one knew what to say, or who first to say something. The first ended up being Hodgins.

"This is hilarious right? Someone actually documented all of this, and most of this stuff is completely true!" he exclaimed, laughing, to which all eyes turned to him, minus a few of the interns. Vincent stood cadaverously, his bright blue eyes not moving away from the screen.

"I….died?" he whispered in a terrified breath. "h-How, when, I d-died?" The normally talkative British squintern was at a loss.

Meanwhile, quite a few of the grad students' faces were flushed red. Booth was just gawking in confusion, and Brennan was at a loss for words as well. Angela was slightly pink-faced in glancing at Hodgins.

"Who sent this?" she asked him. Hodgins shrugged. Sweets raised a hand to get through the small crowd.

"This morning, someone broke into my office and sent this to Dr. Brennan off of my computer. By the time I got there, my office was empty."

As if someone lifted up a veil from the room, all of the interns (and Booth) began squabbling, yelling and accusing, minus Mr. Nigel-Murray who was still in shock, some being positive, some negative.

"You guys were the ones who gave the donation?" Wendell inquired with a childish look of awe.

"You offered Bones your sperm?"

"As I recall, you did too."

"You and Sweets got engaged?" Clark asked Daisy with a look of consternation. She nodded with a bubbly smile.

"Yup, but Lancelot broke it off when I went to Maluku."

"You went to Maluku?!"

"Who the hell killed Vincent?"

"Damn, you went out with Cam's daughter? Haha wow!"

"ARASTOO had a thing with CAM?!"

"Wait, Fisher starred in a movie?"

"What movie did I star in, I don't recall ever partaking…"

"Wait a minute!" Dr. Brennan's comment silenced the other rabble that was getting louder and louder. She looked at the first entry again, and her eyes widened. She turned to Sweets with a reproving glare. "You knew the truth about Zack? What truth Sweets? What don't we know?"

The young shrink looked guilty, and turned away, all now falling to silence. Hodgins's expression grew darker.

"Yeah, Sweets, what don't we know?" he asked vitriolically. Sweets took a shaky breath.

"i-I can't tell you," he murmured disdainfully. "Zack bound me with doctor-patient confidentiality, I can't tell you or it would compromise his and my agreement. I wanted to tell you so badly, but I can't. I'm sorry."

Lance sat down, head down, unable to look up at his peers. Dr. Brennan, Hodgins and Angela gravitated towards him, Booth slower than them but still meaning to.

"Look Sweets, you can tell us, Zack would have wanted us to know," Brennan coaxed gently, and Angela nodded, but Sweets only shook his head.

"If I told you, you'd have to remove Zack from the asylum and put him in jail, and I quote 'Dr. Hodgins has shown that I would not do very well in jail.'"

"Isn't there something we could do to make sure we could prevent that?" Jack queried, hands crossed. The shrink sighed.

"Not that I know of, no," he replied sadly, pressing his fingers together. An idea popped into the head of one of the interns.

"Well, ah, couldn't you just write it on a piece of paper, then burn it to ashes so no one else can find out?" Wendell suggested, with a shrug. Michevious grins lit up on Brennan, Cam, and Angela and Sweets smirked.

"I suppose I could accidentally write it in my log and leave it open," Dr. Sweets continued with a growing smile.

"Of course it's confidential so the FBI doesn't have clearance unless they have a warrant," Booth added, a grin starting to form. "And the Gormogon isn't around anymore so I doubt they will ever need one."

So silently and shrewdly, the friends engaged their plan and within the next ten minutes the big secret was revealed and a new vengeance was burning to free the lost and innocent doctor from the asylum. With all of the confusion, no case managed to come up within the day, so everyone went home eventually, list of interns only at the back of everyone's mind.

Except a certain baby duck, who had a late visitor to his office, a grand and wide smile on its face.


MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA Yes I had to do it allllll YES

I don't really know the two newer interns as well so I didn't have much to work with for them. and yeah it's all very crack-ish a bit OOC yeah I just really wanted to put the list in but everything else just kinda flopped around. (I watched Hole in the Heart again today WHYYYWHWYWYHWEYHWY?!)

Again lemme know if I missed anything!

Another shot coming to finish the story!

REVIEW!

~DarkMousyRulezAll, signing out!