The Wrenching Game

Part 1

"Where the hell is that fuckin' observer?" Josh demanded. He paced behind the captain's chair as he spoke into the phone. "We've been waiting for him for two days!"

"Calm down, Mr. Harris, I'm sure she'll be there within the hour," the Fish and Game Supervisor replied.

Josh stopped in his tracks. "She? Are you talking a woman?"

"I'm afraid so, Mr. Harris."

"What are we going to fucking do with a woman?"

"Hopefully not what you just said, sir."

"Ah, shi- ah, yeah, well, um… thanks for letting me know." Josh clicked off the phone and turned to Derrick. "Shit! The observer is a fucking woman."

"A woman," Derrick repeated. "Well… hm… I guess we'll have to change the sleeping arrangements."

Jake and Ryan sat on the bench watching Josh blast the supervisor on the phone, and both cracked-up as he folded at the end of the conversation like a loser in a poker game. Ryan stood and offered himself as a sacrifice. "She can bunk in with me."

"You?" Jake exclaimed. "How about me? I'm single… kind of…"

"What makes you think she's young and pretty?" Josh asked. "Maybe she's a forty year old ball buster who won't take any crap from any of us."

"Cou-gar!" Jake and Ryan bellowed together.

"Like those… what do they call themselves? The Wrenches?" Jake added.

"Wenches, Jake. Cornelia Marie Wenches!" Ryan corrected.

Freddie overheard Jake and Ryan as he climbed the steps to join the boys and yelled down, "Steve! Something's broke. Bring a wrench!"

"What?" Steve shouted back.

"Wrench!" Freddie bellowed. He arrived on the top step, looked around and asked, "What's broke?"

Josh rolled his eyes. "Not a wrench, a wench!"

"That's, uh, what I said," Freddie replied.

Steve was steps behind him, holding a wrench in his hand. "What's broken now?" he asked.

Ryan and Jake were practically rolling on the floor laughing.

"Okay, guys, settle down," Derrick calmly told his crew. "The observer is a female."

Freddie and Steve's eyes grew wide. "My wife's not going to be happy about this," Steve mumbled.

"Who says you have to tell her?" Jake asked.

Josh, again, rolled his eyes. "Something called a TV show, Jake?" he said.

"That's not for months, yet."

"Don't you think you'd be squirming if you were married and there was a lady on board?" Josh challenged.

Jake's eyes lit up. "You're the one who's nervous! Your girlfriend's gonna give you hell; isn't she!" Jake teased his brother.

Derrick held his hands up. "Okay, boys… that's enough. The observer gets the stateroom. I'll move into the extra bunk. Now… we have a lady coming. Ryan, check the head. I want it spotless. Jake and Josh, clean the kitchen. I want the floor clean enough to eat off of. Steve and Freddie, you guys take the rest of the wheelhouse. If any of you complain, you swab the deck – in the rain. Got it?"

The crew members grumbled to themselves and started towards the stairs.

"Oh, one more thing," Derrick said. "For every curse in the lady's presence, you pay a tenth of a share."

"What! We're on the fucking boat!" Josh exclaimed.

"And we're going to act like gentlemen," Derrick declared.

Jake cackled. "You're in for it, dude."

"You're no fuckin' angel either, Jake," Josh told him.

"Cha-ching!" Jake exclaimed.

"Jake!" Josh reached out to grab his brother, but Jake slipped out from under his outstretched hand and made a bee line for the stairs, giggling as he slid down. Josh pushed Ryan and Freddie aside as Steve stepped out of the way, and he tore after his brother.

Derrick shook his head. "How the hell did Phil put up with those guys?" he asked.

Phil's voice echoed in the room. "Wasn't easy."

Derrick's head snapped up. He looked towards Steve, Freddie and Ryan. "Did you guys hear that?" The men stared at each other and shook their heads, afraid to speak up.

"Todd?" Derrick asked the cameraman.

Todd laughed. He'd heard it all right, but he wasn't about to say anything. "Nope!" He just hoped the camera heard it, too.

TBC...