I know, I'm not very good at summeries. I hope you like it!
Why me? I seem to be asking this a lot lately. Why do I have to have to be dyslexic? Why do I have to be so unbelievably fat? Why did my dad hate me so much that he would hurt me? Why do I have to be in love with a guy who thinks of me as his little sister? Why? What did I do wrong to deserve all of this? I'll probably never know.
It started when I was 6.
FLASHBACK
I had just gotten off the school bus and I walked into the apartment I lived in all my life. My best friend Rocky lived on the floor above mine, so we walked in together. But she left when we got to my floor. I took out the key mommy gave me and I was about to put in in the lock, but I heard mommy's and daddy's voices, they sounded mad. I hate it when daddy gets mad, he is really scary when he's mad.
"Your daughter is a freak! She can't even read!"
"She is your daughter to and she is not a freak! Millions of people have dyslexia. And she will be able to read with our help."
"She is not my daughter! I don't have a daughter! That thing is your daughter! Get rid of her!"
"I am not gonna get rid of her! She is our daughter and there is nothing wrong with her! If we are getting rid of anyone it is gonna be you!
Smack! I reached up and looked through the peephole. Did daddy hit mommy? No, daddy loved mommy, he wouldn't do that. I saw daddy walking towards the door. I ran away and hid behind a plant. Daddy walked by and he looked really mad. I hope this isn't my fault.
I walked to the door after daddy walked downstairs. I opened the door and saw mommy, she looked sad now. "Mommy, I'm home!"
"Oh, hi sweetie. How was school?"
"Okay I guess. Teacher was trying to help me read but it looked like soup."
"Aw, that's no fun. Well, go but on your dance clothes, you have dance today."
"Kay mommy"
Dance is the best thing ever! I am getting really good at it, it makes me feel so smart! Plus Rocky is in my class to! It was a great class today. Rocky's mom drove me home cause mommy is at work. She dropped me off at my door and I walked inside. Daddy was sitting on the couch. When I walked by him he smelled really funny. And there were bottles all over the floor. He didn't really look mad anymore though. "Cece, how was class?"
"Really fun! Miss Nancy taught us a new thing called a sashay!"
"Well, that's good. How do you spell that?"
"Umm…s…a…s…h…a?"
"NO! Why do you have to be so stupid! I deserve way better than you!"
He stood up and walked over to be and smacked me in the face. Then he punched and kicked my stomach. "Daddy stop, that hurts! I thought I was your little princess? Remember? It's me, your daughter!"
"You are no kid of mine! And if you ever tell your mom about this, you won't be able to tell anyone anything again. Neither will Flynn or your mom."
He grabbed me and threw me in my room. I don't get it, why does he hate me now?
END FLASHBACK
That happened everyday for almost 2 years. One day my mom came home early from work and saw my dad kicking my head. My mom called an ambulance and the police, but not before dad ran. And after hours of searching, they caught him and he was sent to jail. I spent 3 days in the hospital. That night dad gave me a broken arm and a concussion.
I never did tell anyone about dad, not even Rocky. If someone asked me how I got hurt I told them that I fell down the stairs. If I did everyone would start to treat me different, they would treat me like I was broken. But I guess, I kind of am. A few months ago I started cutting. It isn't as bad as everyone says it is. Sure, it stings a little, but it is a good sting. It takes my mind off of everything that isn't good in my life, which is basically everything.
And around the same time I started watching what I eat, or I guess what I don't eat really. I am anorexic, and bulimic to I guess. Remember how I said I was in love with a guy? Well…it's Ty, Rocky's older brother. He likes girls who are tall, pretty, and skinny. I am way to fat for him to like me, so I guess I'm doing this for him. But he is 17, cute, sweet, and an amazing dancer. I am 14, ugly, depressed, and untalented. Why do I have to like him?
Today is September 1st, the first day of school. I haven't seen Rocky or Deuce in nearly a month, they were in New York visiting their aunt. I can't wait to see them, but I can definitely wait for them to see me. I woke up at 5:00 a.m. to go for a run. This has become part of my morning routine. I got back to the apartment at 6:30 a.m. after running a couple miles. I had a quick shower, then I hopped on the scale like I do every morning. I haven't lost hardly anything since yesterday! Only half a pound. It must have been those strawberries I ate yesterday and didn't throw up. I had better not eat anything today so I can lose a little more. I walked over to my closet and pulled on a pair of dark skinny jeans, a long sleeve grey shirt, a sparkly vest, and a pair of black boots. I have to wear long sleeve shirts now, because I have so many cuts on my wrists I can't just pass them off as paper cuts or cuts from broken glass anymore.
I took a seat on my couch and waited for Rocky to walk in my window like she said she would. I waited for about 5 minutes, then she came. "Hey hey hey!"
"Rocky!" I squealed "It's been way to long! How are you?"
She looked at me, she had a strange expression on her face. "Fantastic! How are you?"
"Awsome! Let's go, I don't want detention on the first day back."
"Kay kay, Ty said he would drive us."
"Yay! No subway!"
Oh the inside I was freaking out. I'm gonna see Ty! Is my hair okay? Does my breath stink? What if he talks to me? What if I say something stupid? By the time I was done thinking this we were already walking towards Ty's new car. I slid into the back seat, Rocky sat in the front with Ty. "Hey Ty"
"Hey Ce, how ya been?"
"Fine, you?
"Fine."
We got to school after a few minutes, it was a quiet drive. I was way to nervous to talk, and I guess Ty is way to cool to talk to me. I am dreading walking into the school. What if someone calls me fat, or stupid? What if a teacher makes me read aloud, and everyone laughs at me? What if when I throw up my lunch someone hears me and takes me to the hospital and they make me eat a lot? Well…I guess there is one way to find out.
A/N
What did you think? Did you like it? Did you hate it? Do you want to hunt me down and beat me with a club cause you think it sucked that bad? Review and let me know! I'll probably have the next chapter up later this week.
