Alone
by TacomaSquall
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
This is another piece utilizing the lyrics of a song by the Seattle-based rock band, Heart. This song is taken from their Bad Animals album, and is from a song by the same name.Quistis lay in her quarters, sobbing her heart out. Tonight was supposed to be the night where she finally got through to that hard-headed idiot, Squall Leonhart. It had seemed that fate itself had taken a hand in getting the two together, with Squall's graduation and the end of her career as an instructor. She had finally grown to understand the way Squall thought, if not why he thought that way. Finally, they could relate as equals. Finally, she would be able to break through the wall of ice the young man hid behind and reach his heart.
I hear the ticking of the clock,
I'm lying here, the room's pitch dark.
I wonder where you are tonight –
No answer on the telephone.
She looked over, through the gloom of her unlit room, at the phone. It was too much to hope that Squall would have realized how he hurt her and call. Time was moving forward at a crawl.
But it had not worked the way she wanted it to. Once again, he pushed her away while she sought to show him how she felt. Instead of being the romantic rendezvous that she had prayed for. She remembered what had happened earlier…
* * * * *
Time goes by so very slow
But I hope that it won't end, though –
Alone.
Quistis leaned against the wall of the entryway to the Training Centre. She had been waiting for Squall for most of a half hour, ever since she made her last order to him at the Graduation Ball. She was clad in her customary orange skirt and top, complete with the Chain Whip wrapped around her waist. She tapped her heel against the wall impatiently. Perhaps she should just call it a night and go to bed…
Quistis heard the sound of footsteps and looked toward the entrance. What she saw make her breath catch in her throat, and her heart pound with excitement.
Squall strode purposefully down the hallway towards her. He was dressed in his usual fur-lined black leather jacket and tight-fitting black jeans. Underneath the black jacket, currently open to the warm air of the Garden, he wore a Garden-issue men's white t-shirt. Squall's lean physique filled out the clothes quite nicely, without his being a towering mass of muscle, like Raijin was. A lock of his gorgeous brown hair hung rakishly in his face, adding allure to his scarred but handsome visage. Quistis gulped. It was like a dream coming true.
To master her nervousness, she put on her most instructor-ly mien and tried to engage the new SeeD in an innocent conversation. "Squall, I was just wondering...Have you fought T-Rexaur in the training centre?"
Squall looked confused. "I'm not sure..."
Quistis knew that there had been a number of T-Rexaur attacks in the training centre of late, and that some unprepared students had been mauled due to inattention. She wasn't going to let Squall get munched the same way. "You can defeat it quite easily by using Sleep magic, junctioned properly. Then all you have to do is attack and he'll go to sleep, ending his threat and allowing you to disengage or follow up as you like."
Squall nodded, filing the tidbit of combat knowledge away for future reference.
Quistis smiled her most winning smile at the young man. "Come on, let's go to the secret area. It's just inside the training centre."
'Till now
I always got by on my own.
I never really cared until I met you.
And now,
It tears me to the bone.
How will I get you alone?
As she walked into the centre with Squall, Quistis lost herself in pleasant daydreams of what would happen when they reached the hidden area of the centre. She had never had a reason to go there, either as a student or a SeeD, until now. Her mind added solitude and finally unleashed passion to the fireworks that would be exploding overhead. Her mind was jarred from her reverie by a gargantuan bellow from ahead of them, as a T-Rexaur charged out of the brush at them.
The T-Rexaur charged headlong at the two SeeDs, taking Squall's form in its jaws and biting down hard. Squall cried in shock as the massive monster's jaws rent his flesh. The creature spat Squall out and darted away from the two, as Quistis' chain whip struck, scoring a bit of the creature's flesh away.
Squall landed in a cat-like crouch, and brought his gunblade up in a warding motion, as he called upon the reserves of magic that he had drawn recently. The T-Rexaur's head was surrounded by a globe of darkness. No matter how the beast strove, it could not shake off the darkness that prevented from seeing its prey. Infuriated, the monster lashed at both SeeDs with its tail, missing them and knocking down one of the training centre's trees instead.
Quistis took the respite granted her by Squall's timely spell to cast a Double spell upon herself. She watched as Squall concentrated and his features were replaced by those of the Guardian, Siren. The SeeD's body slowly vanished, being replaced with an image of a beautiful, winged harpist, sitting on a solitary rock in the middle of the ocean. Seeing the massive T-Rexaur, she cried aloud, in melodic fury. Her cry mingled with the dissonant chord struck on her harp. The T-Rexaur was staggered by the wave of sonic violence that swept over it, also rendering the beast mute.
Quistis waited until the Guardian had been summoned and unleashed its attack before casting a doubled Cure spell on Squall, healing the damage inflicted upon him by the T-Rexaur.
The restorative magic brought clarity to Squall's mind, and he remembered Quistis' admonition earlier. He called forth his only Sleep spell, and cast it on the T-Rexaur. The beast was sent to the land of dreams by the soothing impact of the magic. As the monster slumbered, the two SeeDs ran away, hurrying to the secret area.
As the two entered the secret area, Quistis looked regretfully at Squall's clothing. "I'm sorry about the bite marks. I hoped we would be able to get here without running into any fights."
Squall looked at her from behind that stray lock of hair. "Don't worry about it."
Quistis looked around at the secret area. She sighed. "I haven't been here for a while." Actually, she had never been here, except to get students to report to classes or go to their dorms at night.
She shook herself mentally. You are here for a reason, Quistis. She looked curiously at Squall. "What time is it?"
Squall shrugged at looked at his ever-present DelingTech Combat Chronograph. "It's after midnight."
Quistis sighed. Then it's true. "Oh well..." She looked at Squall, her eyes downcast, and continued. "I, Quistis Trepe, am no longer an instructor as of now! I'm a member of SeeD now, just like you. Who knows, maybe we'll end up working together." She brightened a little at this last comment.
Squall just looked at her and replied, "Oh, really?"
Quistis was annoyed by the indifferent response her former student gave to this revelation. "Is that all you're going to say?"
Squall shrugged helplessly. "If that's how it was decided, you have to abide by it."
The dam burst, and Quistis let her mortification at Cid's judgment pour out in a torrent. "They told me that I failed as an instructor. Basically, that I lacked leadership qualities. I was a SeeD by the age of 15, got my instructor license at 17..." She paused for a moment, trying to regain her composure. "It's only been a year since I got it."
Squall stood there, listening to her speak. Not saying anything, not even offering any support for the young teacher.
Quistis felt the raven wings of despair beating around her heart. "I wonder where I went wrong. I did my best."
Suddenly, she looked at Squall, whose attention had been caught by the fireworks that were still being let off in celebration of the four graduates. Angry, she demanded, "Are you listening?"
Squall looked back at Quistis. He demanded, "Are you done yet? I don't want to talk about it." He sighed and looked away. In a small voice, he added, "What am I supposed to say about other people's problems?"
Quistis put both of her hands on her hips. She was rapidly losing her patience with Squall, and she could feel her blood beginning to boil with frustration. No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get through! "I'm not asking you to say anything. I just want you to listen."
Squall shrugged again. "Then go talk to a wall."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Aren't there times when you want to share your feelings with someone?"
Squall replied in a cold voice. "Everyone has to take care of themselves. I don't want to carry anyone's burden." He turned and walked out of the secret area.
* * * * *
You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight.
You don't know how long I have waited,
And I was going to tell you tonight.
Quistis lay on her bed, letting the tears sweep down her face. No matter how hard she tried, she just could not seem to make him see. It was almost like he was a robot, instead of a living, breathing young man. Why was it that Seifer always seemed to be able to find the chinks in Squall's armor, but I can't?
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown,
Alone.
Quistis wept inconsolably. She knew that, somehow, she may have just lost her last chance to win Squall Leonhart's love. From here on, her love existed on borrowed time…
"Hyne, give me another chance, please!"
Fin
