TITLE: The Fine Art of Shutting Rodney McKay Up And Leaving Him Speechless for a Minimum of Five Minutes

AUTHOR: rsharpe

FANDOM: Stargate Atlantis

PAIRING: John/Rodney

RATING: PG-15

DISCLAIMER: The actors, the show, and the concept are not mine, more's the pity.

John took another deep breath and tried to let it out slowly. It was his tenth in as many minutes. At this rate, he'd hyperventilate long before they reached the Stargate. At any rate, he'd hyperventilate long before McKay did.

Ever since the trip had turned out to be nothing more than a colossal waste of time, not just McKay's valuable time, but to hear him tell it, everyone's and with no results more promising than that the natives of the week didn't try to kill them. Hell, they barely even raised an eyebrow at the group that appeared through their Stargate. Not so much as idle curiosity. No intriguing energy signatures, no promising items for trade, just a small group of typical Pegasus natives minding their own business.

They were just a little over half way back to the Stargate when John had enough. He raised his fist in the military sign for "Halt", then signaled for Ronon and Teyla to wait on the path. Approaching Mckay, who had already begun to splutter at what God only knew was John's facial expression, he grabbed McKay's tac vest and dragged him kicking, screaming and protesting his innocence a short distance into the shaded woods. Once there, he slammed Rodney against a broad tree and launched into, for him, a lengthy speech.

"McKay, I am hot, tired, sore, hungry, thirsty and horny. Not necessarily in that order. If you do NOT shut up your litany of complaints for at least five minutes, preferably until we get back to the 'Gate, I can guarantee that you WILL NOT be getting any sex for the next month. Maybe longer. Do I make myself clear?"

John had pushed Rodney against the tree trapping him with his arms beside his head. Rodney couldn't have moved if he'd wanted to, all his attention focused on John and whatever had set him off. If he'd admitted it, he was just a little bit scared and a lot turned on when John was in this mood. Then John moistened his lips with that pink tongue that promised so many wonderful things. John gradually leaned into Rodney's space and kissed him. It was a slow, sweet, wonderfully dirty kiss that promised all kinds of interesting things as soon as they reached Atlantis. Then, just as abruptly, John withdrew, once again licking those sinfully wet, full lips and released McKay who was visibly shaken, achingly hard and could barely stand.

McKay got with the program surprisingly quickly. He made the universal sign of zipping his lips shut and throwing away the key, before following John meekly back to the trail where Ronan and Teyla waited rather impatiently.

Thr rest of the trip back to the Stargate was undertaken in blissful silrnvr.

Ronon paid off his bet in chocolate. Teyla paid hers with a few tidbits of the Athosian candy that was eagerly sought by everyone in Atlantis. Rodney remained uncharacteristly silent throughout his post mission physical, the quickest debriefing ever recorded on Atlantis and was waiting in John's quarters on his bed stripped naked and already stroking his hard cock long before John was able to extricate himself from Lorne's will meaning but ill-timed questions.

"Can I talk now?"

"Only if you say disgusting dirty things."

- end -