The First Cut

Chapter 1: Today and Yesterday

It's an offhand remark that gets it all started.

Regina's term is in its second year, but things have yet to settle down the way she had expected they would, and she still feels a little like she jumped into the deep end of the pool without bothering to learn how to swim first.

"I know this is technically a social event, but I was wondering if I could have a quick chat to you about the Deputy's position."

The catering company had made a monumental stuff up of the menu, Tom Sutton was blatantly flirting with a waitress in front of his wife and Regina still had to make her speech thanking the now retired Elliot Spencer for his twelve years of service as Sheriff of Storybrook.

"To be honest, Graham, I couldn't care less who you hire in the position. You're the Sheriff now and you'll have to work in close quarters with the person so I'm going to trust you to make the best choice. So if you'll excuse me, I need to make sure Amelia Sutton doesn't castrate her husband in public."

She hadn't given it another thought that night, or any of the days that passed after that, because she'd been honest when she said she trusted him enough to leave the choice up to him. Graham had worked as Sheriff Spencer's deputy for four years and was well liked by the people of Storybrook, his calm nature and strength of character having served him well in the community. So Regina had concentrated on other projects, pushing hard for a revamp of the small harbor area to increase the revenue brought in by tourists every season and getting the council to sign off on the school board's request for a new computer lab.

A few weeks after the party though, during their monthly council meeting, the subject came up again. Storybrook's annual Autumn Regatta was only a few scant weeks away and most of their agenda pertained to it that day. Regina had already skimmed most of Graham's rapport and felt satisfied the Sheriff's Department was prepared for the event, but she still gave her full attention when he gave the shortened version to the rest of the council.

"Emergency services have all been co-ordinated through the Sheriff's Office, so we have Air and Sea rescue settled, and we'll have radio control on sight at the boating club. We've got a couple extra phone lines set up at the office and David's manning that with some help from a few teachers that volunteered their time for the day. The guys from the fire department will set up the information kiosks at the harbor and I'm hoping to drag my new Deputy with me to the one on Main Street. So barring any natural disasters striking, we're prepared for everything."

Graham was to the point and Regina appreciated that. Most of the meetings could drag on forever with very little being accomplished at the end, so having at least one department she could depend on to make a minimal fuss and just get on with things lightened her load a bit.

"Thank you, Graham. I'm sure things will run smoothly, but I feel better knowing that if that isn't the case, you've prepared to the best of the town's abilities."

He gave a silent nod and Regina ended the meeting there, shuffling her notes into her leather bag as she dismissed the rest of the council. Sydney Glass tried to corner her outside of the meeting room, prattling on about matters they'd just discussed to death in the meeting, but she was saved when she spotted Graham making his way down the hallway.

"I'm sorry, Sidney, but I wanted to catch Sheriff Humbert before he left and inquire about the new deputy."

She flashed him her most brilliant smile, all teeth and sharp eyes, and promptly left him there. Part of what made her a good mayor was her aptitude at knowing what people want from her and giving just enough of it to keep them happy without having to capitulate on her own plans. So she knew Sydney wouldn't be offended that she cut him off mid-sentence and took off after the Sheriff, because the man was infatuated enough with her that all he'd remember from their encounter was the way she smiled at him.

Sometimes politics were easy like that.

She caught up to him just outside of the building making his way to his car.

"Graham, a moment if you please?"

He stopped and silently waited for her to walk up to him, wind whipping his slightly curly hair about his handsome face and Regina once again regret that they'd had to end their mutually beneficial arrangement of no strings attached sex once it became clear he'd be elected Sheriff In Elliot Spencer's place and it would no longer be appropriate.

She didn't have much time for dating, much less romance, when her days were filled with work and trying to raise a son who put the blame of his parent's divorce squarely on her shoulders, but some nights loneliness had still crept in. Graham had been an easy fix for that, just as reticent as Regina herself about a relationship, but needing the distraction of sex on occasion.

"You've found someone suitable for the position then?"

Graham smiled, trimmed beard unable to hide his quiet joy.

"I did. It's still mostly unofficial since I only got her email a few days ago confirming it, but once she gets to town I'll get her to sign the contract and I'll send her file over to you."

Regina raised an eyebrow appreciatively, pleased that Graham didn't share the previous Sheriff's opinion of woman in law enforcement.

"I'm happy to hear that, Graham. I must say I didn't expect you to hire a woman, much less one from out of town."

It was gentle teasing, most everyone including Graham aware that for all the good the previous Sheriff did in the town, he was an old fashioned man with very narrow views.

"Well, even Elliot wouldn't be able to deny she has the experience. She spent a few years working narcotics in New York, so she's rather over qualified for the job."

Regina was impressed, but somewhat concerned. As Mayor she had to always look at the big picture and think how it would impact the town.

"Experience aside, she's willing to settle down here? I mean Storybrook is a far cry from New York City, it would be a big adjustment for anyone to make. You're sure she won't just grow bored after a few months and leave?"

Graham shook his head, voice sure as he spoke.

"I'm sure. She's a local, left after high school like a lot of people did, but she had a…" He hesitated here, looking for the right words. "Well, she had a rough year and mentioned once or twice that she'd thought of coming home. So I offered her the job and she accepted."

Regina couldn't really argue with that. As a child she had thought Storybrook a sleepy, boring little town that held nothing for her, but during her divorce she found it was a safe haven. There was something comforting about the place you grew up in, about knowing the faces you passed on the street and spotting the landmarks of your childhood that would only ever matter to you.

"Then I look forward to meeting her."

Graham nods and turns as if to head to his car, but she puts a quick hand on his arm to stop him.

"You never mentioned her name, is it someone I might know?"

Graham is only a year or two younger than her and if she thinks hard, she can vaguely remember him as a gangly sophomore the year she graduated, so it stands to reason that she might remember his friend.

"I don't think so, no, she graduated two years after I did." Then he frowns darkly for a second, mouth pulling down a little in distaste. "Though I guess most people might still remember her dad, Leo, he was a right old bastard. Anyway, she's Emma. Emma Swan."

To her credit, she doesn't actually pale or feint or do any of the other childishly embarrassing things she can think of, just manages a small shrug she hopes is casual.

"Well, I'll bring her around to your office and officially introduce you once she's settled in."

She doesn't say anything else, just watches as he gives her a nod goodbye and heads to his car. Back in her office she very nearly collapses into her leather chair, eyes sightless as she stares out of her window and tries her very best to not remember every little thing about Emma Swan that had been embedded into her memory so very long ago.

It's a futile attempt of course, because how does one forget the moment your heart truly beat for the first time? Or the moment it broke? You don't, it's why there's so many books and songs and endlessly sad poems written about it.

So Regina finds she's quite helpless to do anything other than remember…

Regina is home for all of two days before her mother's insistent nagging drives her very nearly to the edge of madness and back. Katherine isn't due back until the next week and she's lost touch with the few friends she'd had in high school, so her Daddy's cabin is the only place she can think of to go.

Her time at Duke had been a blissful reprieve from the constant pressure that Cora had always placed on her, but it also meant she forgot how to cope with the woman's full attention on her. It was both irritating and tiring to listen to her mother plan the rest of her life for her, not bothering to ask any input from Regina herself, so out of desperation she'd simply fled.

She was twenty two years old, had a Bachelor's in Economics and completed a minor in Poly Sci, and all her mother expected from her was to marry Killian Jones and settle down as a society wife! Regina found it rather ironic then that the only reason she got to escape to Duke in the first place was because it was part of her controlling mother's plan to keep her and Killian close.

Though if Regina was honest with herself, the reason she was running away from her mother for a few hours was mostly due to the fact that she knew she'd never oppose her. Her mother had already won as Killian's ring had graced her finger all throughout her senior year, the expectation always clear that after she graduated the wedding would follow quickly. Regina had just not realized that quickly in Cora's eyes had meant the end of summer, but when she got home she was informed that most of the wedding preparations were all but complete.

Saturday the 24th of August she was to be married.

Her mother had very graciously left the choice of dress to Regina at least. Everything else was set in stone.

When she finally reached the small log cabin her father had kept for the hunting season the sky had darkened and stars were making their appearance. She parked the car, but sat looking down at her left hand for a very long time. Her ring was beautiful, a shapely diamond settled perfectly in gold, but Regina found the sight of it rather repulsive at that moment. Without much thought she pulled it off and stuffed it into the glove compartment.

She was halfway up the steps before she realized two things at once: Firstly there was a light on in the cabin and secondly an old green scooter parked off to the side.

Regina froze.

If her knowledge of pop culture references about a girl alone in the woods were to be believed, she was about to be murdered in a rather gruesome fashion. Instinct was sending a rather urgent message to her legs to start running to her car, but much like a character from a Wes Craven film, Regina did exactly the opposite. Clutching the small bottle of pepper spray attached to her keychain, she headed for the door.

The cabin was the only thing of her father's that Cora had not touched and tarnished in some way. Her mother had never cared enough about her father's humble retreat to ever set foot in it and after his death had never bothered to collect any of the belongings he might have left there. It was also the only thing her father left her that was not tied up in trusts until her twenty fifth birthdate, like somehow he knew she would need the place as a sanctuary much like he himself did. So Regina was not about to let someone rob or ransack the place, she cherished it far too much for that.

Made stupid by a combination of anger and adrenaline Regina used her key and flung the door open, jumping with fright as it hit the wall with a loud bang. Though who had the biggest scare, she or the young girl clutching a towel to her chest, was impossible to say.

"Uh…"

Regina wasn't sure what exactly she was supposed to do at that point. There was a wet, half naked girl staring at her in her father's supposed-to-be empty cabin and the only thing she found herself doing was wander what color her eyes would be from up close, grey or green. It's rather absurd.

When the girl took a step back though, Regina finally found her voice.

"Would you mind explaining to me what you're doing on my property that, might I add, was locked the last time I left it?"

She doesn't mean to sound so much like her mother in that moment, voice derisive and cold, but her heart is still beating erratically in her chest and she falls back on what she knows.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't think anyone even used this place anymore and I needed…"

Regina doesn't listen though; she's far too distracted by the sight of a purpling bruise clearly left by fingers on the pale skin of the girl's upper arm. She's not aware she's moving until she stops in front of the blond, hand hovering uncertainly in the air inches from the abused skin.

"Are you alright? What happened to your arm?"

Closer now she decides the girl's eyes are more grey than green, she really can't be more than three or four years younger than she is herself and that she looks ready to bolt, half naked or not.

"That's not any of your damn business."

The towel gets hiked up a little higher over her breasts and she makes her way over to where a ratty back pack sits on the old couch. Regina bites her tongue when she spots another circular bruise peeking out beneath the towel against the girl's shoulder.

"Look, I'm sorry that I came bursting in here like that, I just had a bit of a fright when I realized there was someone in here. I was expecting an axe murderer you see, not a…"

She's not sure how to describe what she found, but the girl actually cracks a smile over her shoulder and the sight of it sends a little spike of electricity trickling down Regina's back. It's quite unexpected.

"Naked squatter?"

The girl's voice is mildly amused.

It's suddenly the most ridiculous thing to ever happen to her, so with a shake of her head Regina just bursts out laughing. She laughs until her stomach muscles contract painfully and her eyes well up, lack of air the only reason she finally gets herself back under control. The girl herself is chuckling, eyes bright as she watches Regina wipe her eyes.

"You've got quite a laugh on you."

The almost compliment doesn't seem so strange to Regina, not when it's by far the least bizarre thing to happen in the last five minutes.

"Thank you…uh…what do I call you, other than my naked squatter?"

She gets another smile for that.

"I'm Emma. Emma Swan."

Regina likes the name. It has a certain whimsical quality to it that doesn't seem exactly in line with the girl herself, but she finds it pretty none the less.

"I'm Regina Mills. It's been, well, not exactly nice to meet you, but definitely interesting."

Then they're back to staring at each other, but this time it's more in the vein of companionable silence than shock and fear. Regina tries not to let her eyes linger on the bruise that's still bothering her, mostly because she doesn't want to upset Emma when the girl clearly had a very good reason for breaking into the cabin, but she can't really help herself.

Emma lifts a hand and wraps it around the arm though, ostensibly to show a degree of modesty, and Regina knows she's been caught.

"Alright, how about you go get dressed in the bathroom and I'll, I don't know, make us some hot chocolate or something. I think I stocked up when I was here over Christmas break a year ago."

Emma blushes unexpectedly, the faint pink not unpleasant against her light skin.

"You did. I may have…dipped into your stash a little, but I was going to replace it." She gives a self-deprecating smile. "Probably."

Regina just laughs and points in the direction of the bathroom, a silent order as she turns and heads to the small kitchen. There's not much hot chocolate left, just enough for two cups in fact, so she takes her time filling the kettle and mixing it while she waits for Emma to finish up. She's just settling herself on the couch when Emma pads barefoot out of the bathroom, hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, dressed in jeans and a thin t-shirt.

"Look, I appreciate the hot chocolate and the part where you didn't call the cops on me, but I think I better just get going."

Regina frowns at the prick of disappointment she feels despite knowing that logically that's exactly how this was going to end.

"You know what, you stay and I'll leave. I only came here to avoid my mother anyway and I can do that just as easily by going to see a movie or something."

She didn't like the idea of the girl leaving, not when the only thing Regina had to duck was a nagging mother, Emma on the other hand obviously dealing with a more difficult situation.

"That's stupid, Regina. This is your place, I only, you know, break in from time to time."

It's said so sheepishly that she almost looks past how very sad that fact is, but in the end the knowledge that Emma's had to hide out there on more than one occasion just strengthens Regina's resolve.

"You're right, I'll stay, but so will you. I know it's none of my business and I respect that, but you're obviously not breaking into the place out of a deep seeded need for juvenile delinquency."

Emma snorts at that.

"It's not juvenile delinquency if I'm eighteen, but I get your point."

Regina nods and leans forward, grabbing Emma by the tips of her fingers and dragging her closer.

"Now please sit and talk to me about anything. I've spent two days in the sole company of my mother and I'm desperate enough for decent conversation that I might even be inclined to offer payment for it."

Emma throws herself down with a thud a little closer than Regina expected, heat bleeding into her where their thighs almost touch.

"Hmm, last time someone offered to pay me for something I had to hit a fool in the face."

Regina laughs into her hot chocolate.

"Well, dear, I'm fond of my face exactly the way it is, so I feel the need to retract the last part of my statement."

Emma smiles as she settles her feet up on the low table in front of them, cup gently held in both hands on her lap.

"Yes, well, good call councilor. It'd be a shame to mess something so pretty up anyway." Off Regina's surprised look Emma just shrugs. "What? You're not ugly is all I'm saying. You own a mirror, don't you?"

The truth is that Cora very seldom comments on anything other than Regina's flaws as she sees them and Killian mostly compliments her ass in an attempt to rush foreplay.

"I guess it's just been a while since someone's said as much, probably my father before he died." She doesn't mean for it to sound as melancholy as it does.

It's quiet then, Regina cursing herself for taking a lighthearted comment and turning it into something awkward and heavy between them. Then a knee gently bumps hers.

"He wasn't lying, you're lovely." It's said so very earnestly. "And you're kind, I mean I'm not dumb, I know you didn't ask me to stay because of my dazzling conversational skills." She says it with an eye roll, but before Regina can argue she cuts her off. "Thank you is what I'm trying to say, because home isn't somewhere I can be tonight and I didn't know where else I could have gone if here wasn't an option."

Regina swallows heavily, touched by Emma's unprompted praise and thanks, but so very sad that someone so young and beautiful seemed to have so very little good in her life. Cora may be difficult to live with, but Regina had never once in her life felt that her home wasn't a safe place to be. Emma obviously feels that way, and with good reason, but Regina realizes that Emma admitting that couldn't have been an easy thing for her. Pride was funny like that.

"Does your shoulder hurt?" Then finally Emma seems her age. When she looks at Regina her eyes are wet, bottom lip trapped beneath teeth to stop it's trembling as she nods once. "Is it just your arm and your shoulder, or…or did anything else happen?" She feels out of her depth then, her four years and degree meaning very little when trying to ask a young girl if she's been raped.

When Emma shakes her head, Regina drags air gratefully into her lungs, unaware that she'd been holding her breath in the first place.

"No, Dad's never actually hurt me until today. I mean sure, I've had to scram when he threw shit and yelled before, but this was the first time he…I don't even think he meant to do it, he just wanted to shove me out of the way and the doorknob got me in the back…"

Her hands are trembling like crazy, hot chocolate threatening to splash over the sides, so Regina takes it and puts it down on the table. When she sits back, Emma is silently crying.

"I don't know why I'm telling you any of this, I've never even told my best friend about how bad it's gotten…" She drags her fingers over her face, blinking uncomprehendingly at their tips when they come back wet. "God, I'm not some weak kid that can't take care of herself, crying doesn't help anything."

Regina takes her hands then, presses thumbs against the soft skin of her palms and rubs.

"No, you're not some sad kid, but just because you're a certain age doesn't mean you magically have all the answers or that you're not allowed to be scared. I'm scared all the time, Emma, of so many different things, but I don't think that makes me weak or childish. I think it just means I'm human." She takes a breath, realizes that Emma's eyes are more green then grey when she cries. "And I'm glad you told me, you needed to tell someone, and it was obviously easier than talking to your best friend, so..."

The dam breaks then. Emma sobs brokenly, long held hurt and fear finally spilling out and Regina can't really help it, she cries with her. She tucks Emma's head under her chin and wraps her arms around her, rocks her gently like her father had done when she was little and had bad dreams.

"I know I should have told her, but I just…I didn't want her be disappointed in me."

Regina cries a little harder.

"There's not a reason in the world for her to be disappointed in you, because you didn't do anything wrong." She tilts Emma's face up to her, needing the girl to believe her. "Him hurting you wasn't your fault."

They sit like that forever, Emma raggedly breathing against the column of her neck while Regina rubs her hands up and down the muscles of her back, until Regina simply leans back on the couch. Emma's body follows, arms tightening around her in silent panic, and settles down on top of her.

"It's alright, Emma, I'm not going to leave."

She punctuates her words by laying a hand at the small of Emma's back, the other curling gently around the nape of her neck. She startles when Emma turns her face and presses a warm kiss against her sternum, just above Regina's heart, voice gravely as she speaks.

"Thank you."

Minutes later Emma is asleep, breathing even and deep, but Regina lies awake for a very long time, wondering why it is that she can still feel the ghostly feel of that kiss burn against her chest.

Almost eleven years later, sitting in her office looking out of her window, Regina lifts a hand and absently presses fingertips against her chest, somewhere just above her heart, and wonders again how she hadn't recognized that moment for what it was. It's not often one falls in love with a perfect stranger after all, but Regina forgives herself the oversight, because no one gets it right the first time.

She supposes that's the tragedy of first love, for all the pure emotion and passion it invokes, it's always bound to fail.

With a sigh she gets up and collects her bag, her watch telling her she has exactly fifteen minutes before she has to pick Henry up from soccer practice. The thought of her son and the way he's treated her with thinly veiled contempt for the last few years brings her up short though, a painfully abrupt thought coming to her.

What kind of a person is she that the second time around, with the love of a child that should be easy and unconditional, she still manages to fail so very spectacularly?

So yeah, I hope you liked this. Reviews appreciated if you think it's worth updating!