Originally this was just going to be a one-shot, but now it's gonna be a two-shot, I think. Because Bella still has to explain to Edward. You know how guilty Bella's gonna feel, haha. I would too. DIE JACOB BLACK! DIE! Sorry... this is sort of my revenge on him for getting close to Bella, and what I imagine/hope would happen if they'd actually gone through with the kiss. I kinda like the idea that Bella never kissed anyone but Edward, but whatever, just an AU of my dreams.


Bella's Point of View

He bent closer, and I was undecided. How could I? I didn't love him, not like Edward. His name made me flinch internally. But if I rejected him, I could lose my best friend. That was something I couldn't survive. Jacob Black kept me going, moving through my monotonous, secretly miserable, life. I couldn't function without my one love, but Jacob allowed me to pretend, to go on with my half-life and function. And despite what I pretended, what I did, I still was in love with him. I always would be, and I didn't think I'd ever want anyone else.

True, Jacob Black was more than a friend, or more than a brother. But there was nothing there. Maybe for him, but not for me. He was warm, funny, but not right.

The irony struck me; the difference between the two was uncanny. My love was cold, though warm and amazing on the inside, gorgeous beyond comparison, a vampire, stronger and faster, shorter. My friend was taller, not gorgeous or hot, though in his own way he was beautiful, and warm; not to mention he's a werewolf. Virtually opposites in so many ways in addition to those. Maybe that was why I picked him. Maybe that was why he didn't hurt me to talk to; the difference didn't remind me of him. Guilt flashed through me at the memories of the times that I'd used him, first to learn the stories of the cold ones, then to fix the motorcycles, and this whole time to help me with surviving. True, I loved Jacob as a friend, but if I hadn't needed the motorcycles, he would never have crossed my mind.

But still, the issue was here, as my mind flew in a flurry of thoughts. He was coming ever closer as the moment came by, and the conflict raged in my eyes. I came to a realization: I didn't want this. I couldn't. Then, just as I started to pull away and I said, "No," he pressed his lips to mine.

It was so wrong. Betrayal. Pain. Anger. Fear. Hurt. The weight crushed me, and I pushed away.

"No!" I managed before breaking down. Too much! Too much like him, yet nothing alike. I couldn't believe the agony that ripped through me. His face flashed before my eyes; the crevice in my chest broke open into a canyon, a river of pain coursing through it. I wrapped my arms fiercely along my torso and let out a scream. None the pain I'd experienced after he left me could measure up to this. It was not only the pain of his- Edward's- leaving, but also the terrible agony of knowing that I'd kissed another boy. A boy I didn't love, a boy I'd tried not to, a boy, and a kiss that wasn't even a kiss. But a kiss nonetheless. A kiss that held nothing, no spark, no love, no feeling, no emotion, so different. But the only one I'd ever kissed before was- Edward. Nothing could replace that; I wanted Edward to be the only one I ever had or would kiss.

"Bella?" Jacob asked urgently, stepping towards me. I shook my head and stumbled back, sobbing. A tripped as I did so, landing on the ground hard, and I curled up in a ball on the floor.

"Bella!" I heard Alice call, and she was instantly by my side. She moved her hands in over me without touching me, hesitant. Then she turned to glare at Jacob. "What did you do?" she demanded.

"I kissed her," Jacob sneered, sounding furious. Anger seeped into me just as my tears seeped out. Why should he be angry at her? I was the one who rejected him. Alice turned her head back to me and spoke. I could tell because her voice sounded closer.

"Bella, are you okay?" She moved her hand to brush a strand of hair behind my ear, and I flinched back, shaking my head and rocking myself on my side, arms still tightly squeezing my waist to keep the canyon from cracking wider under the pressure. The memory Alice had inspired was painful.

Edward looked at me. I could see love and care in his beautiful topaz eyes as I lay in his arms, looking up as he held me against his chest on my bed.

"I love you," he told me. I smiled shyly, a blush stealing across my face. Edward's smile widened and he swooped down to kiss me on the neck.

"I love you too," I responded, snuggling my head against his hard chest and shaking my head to cuddle closer. My hair got all over my face, and Edward tilted my head up again.

"Don't hide," he ordered me gently. "Then I can't see you." Reaching out carefully, he brushed a strand of hair behind my ear.

I moaned in pain. The lie that he'd told me on that day, and so many others, was unbearable.

Alice pulled away instantly, seeming to make a connection between her actions and Edward. She disappeared out of the room for a second. I was so absorbed with my tears and hurt that I didn't even notice the phone ringing, until I heard Jacob Black speaking.

(AN: Changing the script of what Jacob Black says ever so slightly... don't have my copy of New Moon with me, and I'm too lazy to go get it. Everything that is in italics AND bold is what I used from my memory of New Moon. I couldn't change it all, because I didn't know how or I liked what Stephenie Meyer did... Anyway, this is me giving her credit for those lines.)

"Swan residence." I managed to see a blurry image of Jacob Black's posture stiffen.

"He's not here." All I could think of when Jacob said "he" was Edward, and my sobs deepened again. I would never escape the pain. He would never be here again.

"At the funeral." Jacob immediately hung up the phone after that, and I managed to bolt upright.

"Who did you hang up on?" I demanded tearfully, though my voice sounded weak. "In my house?"

"He hung up on me!" Jacob sneered. He? He who?!

"Who?" I screeched, tears coursing down my face still, chin trembling.

"Carlisle Cullen." I swooned dizzily. So close I'd been to hearing another voice, another voice of the family I'd dreamt of belonging to. I had belonged too, until that unforgettable, yet closed off, day.

Alice came into the room. I blinked away the tears and stared at her, worried.

She looked at me with horror, like she was going to be sick.

"Bella," she whispered through her icy lips. I leaned closer, eyes wide.

"What's wrong?" I whispered back.

"Edward." My body reacted faster than my mind. I swayed and collapsed back onto the floor. Snarling issued from Jacob Black, while Alice shook me.

"Bella!" she urged. "Wake up!"

"What did you do to her?" Jacob demanded.

"Stop, dog. You don't want to phase so near to her."

I blinked my eyes rapidly, but couldn't see. Everything, my entire scope of vision, was pure white. I could feel that my eyes were open though. Finally everything came back, and I shuddered and sat up shakily.

"What's wrong?" I shook Alice. "What's wrong with hi-Edward?" I demanded. Alice looked at me.

(AN: this is new too)

"What was he thinking?" Alice cried, ignoring me. Flipping out her silver phone, she dialed so fast I couldn't see her fingers.

"Rose, I need to talk to Carlisle, now... Fine, as soon as he's back. No, I'll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edward?" Alice paused now, listening with an expression what grew more appalled every second. Her mouth opened into a little O of horror, and the phone shook in her hand.

"Why?" she gasped. "Why would you do that, Rosalie?... Well, you're wrong on both counts, though, Rosalie, so that would be a problem, don't you think?... Yes, that's right. She's absolutely fine– I was wrong... It's a long story... But you're wrong about that part too, that's why I'm calling... Yes, that's exactly what I saw.. It's a bit late for that, Rose. Save your remorse for someone who believes it." Alice snapped the phone shut so hard that a piece of plastic came off. Her eyes were miserable.

"Alice!" I said, cutting her off desperately. "Carlisle is back though. He called-" I had to stop her before whatever torturous words she spoke destroyed my shell-of-a-life.

"When?" she asked, eyes empty.

"Half a minute ago."

"What did he say?"

"He talked to him," I said, eyes watering. I winced in pain at the memory of what had happened, and the crevice opened again.

"He asked for Charlie, and I told him Charlie wasn't here," Jacob muttered resentfully.

"Is that everything?" Alice demanded, her voice like ice.

"Then he hung up on me,"

"And that Charlie was at the funeral," I whispered, unable to bring myself to speak with any strength.

Alice jerked her head back toward me. "What were his exact words?"

"He said, 'He's not here' and then he said, 'At the funeral.'"

Alice's expression looked like she was about to pass out, horrified and pained with a look of someone with the stomach virus.

"What's going on, Alice?" I asked.

"That wasn't Carlisle on the phone," She informed me with a shudder of dry sobs wracking her body.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Jacob snarled...

Alice ignored Jacob, continuing with her explanation.

"It was Edward. He thinks you're dead." These words weren't the ones I'd been afraid of, and the relief cleared my heard. My mind began to function normally again, moving somewhat out of the comatose state it had submersed in to, though I was never truly free of it in my half-life.

"Rosalie though I killed myself, and she told him." I pieced together.

"Yes," Alice admitted angrily. "She believed it though, to her credit. But why didn't she think? Why did she track him down? Didn't she care?"

"He though he meant my funeral," I realized. It hurt. I'd been so close to hear his voice. If only I hadn't fallen apart when he'd kissed me. Now it was his name too that I couldn't think of without pain. I blinked away my watering eyes, gripping the rug tightly.

"You don't look very upset," Alice said, eyes peering into mine.

"It's not like he'll do anything. He's moved on, and you'll tell him next time you see him, so..." Alice looked at my with pity and horror, strangling the words in my throat in fear.

"Bella, Edward won't call again. He believe her." I blinked, not comprehending.

"I- Don't- Understand." I couldn't make myself say the words, mouthing them weakly.

"He's going to Italy."

My mind immediately raced to the day we lay on the couch- another memory I was forbidden to think of.

"You don't irritate them. Not unless you want to die. Want to die."

"NO!" I screamed, making Alice and Jacob jump. "No! He can't!"