There had been many times in life that Blair had seen Chuck Bass in pain- more than any person in the world. She had seen him at his worst – when he had been minutes away from taking his own life. She had seen him shatter slowly as he fought against the demons that his issues with his father had brought along. She had seen him ripped apart by a con who he believed to be his mother. And every time his pain had clenched her heart,as though his pain was hers, as though every stab at his heart jabbed at hers too. And she knew why.
He was a part of her. He always would be.
And since he was a part of her, no matter how much he hurt her, no matter how much she wanted to forget everything about his existence, she came running along when he needed her. And she always would. She knew that too.
How can I love you after all that you did?
She had thrown the question to him tonight when he came to declare war on her for the damage she inflicted upon Eva- his pure, innocent Eva- The woman who changed Chuck Bass..
The best thing that happened to Charles- Lily had said
The tears started again. She impatiently wiped them away. She wanted to scream at Lily, rage and rant- she wanted to ask where and how did she fail?
What had Eva done for Chuck?
She had saved him and then encouraged him to move on in life in a direction Chuck Bass never would.
She smiled remorsefully. Eva loved the Chuck Bass she created. Kind, attentive and sweet-
Blair Waldorf loved the Chuck Bass – self-destructive, vengeful, distrustful and disloyal-and yet he was all she ever loved. She remembered watching him on the terrace two years ago, all set to destroy himself-she had made him come down- she had made him live again- she had made him believe in himself. She had held his hand through thick and thin-she held him when everyone deserted him. She made sure he found himself – even if it meant losing herself.
For Heaven's sake she sold herself to the devil himself so that he could get his damned hotel back.
And yet-
She was not the best thing that happened to him. In fact Chuck acted like she was a mistake and his happiness always was with Eva. He said he loved her-
The thought went through her heart like a cold knife- She waited patiently for a year to hear those three words, eight letters- and Eva heard it in a month. Every time she saw the little Ms. Sunshine she wanted to shake her and say:
Chuck Bass did not know the meaning of love- I taught him that- I made his heart beat- He didn't even believe he had one until I proved him wrong.
But she could not. She was not supposed to was supposed to hate him- she was supposed to detest his sight- after all that he did she was supposed to treat him like vermin. But she could not-
She had not moved on- He had.
Yet that was not the worst part. The worst part knew that she would never move on- That part of her heart would always want Chuck- She would always love him- no matter what.
He stood still, his jaws clenched and his eyes angry.
"You did all this to Eva because you hate me? You wanted revenge Blair?"
She stood staring at him like an imbecile. She did not know what to say or what to feel-The anger and pain in his face was evident and she realized how much she had hurt him. She felt like crying- She did not hurt Chuck-she could not- She was the one he turned to when he was hurt-
"Chuck..."she began softly
He shook his head and began harshly
"I can't believe you hate me so much that you wanted to take away the person I care most about. It is a wonder that I somehow managed to make her stay-"
He had no idea how much the words hurt- He cared so much for her-
"This means war Blair- You versus me- No limits!"he finished harshly
This time the name fell with regret and pain
"Chuck.."
He was relentless. She stood there staring after declared war on her for Eva- she had been in his life for a month and he was ready to fight for her. Had Chuck ever fought for Blair?
No-She had never meant so much for him that he would fight for her- that he would try to destroy the person who would hurt. Chuck only destroyed her-
And yet even now she loved him- she did not know why or how but she then the realization stuck-
She would never get over him-She loved him too much. Even if she managed to love someone else- he would still be in her heart. On the other hand he could someone more than he loved her.
Maybe he never loved her much anyway. The intensity of her feelings was way beyond his-The love in their relationship was from her side- she loved him unconditionally- he never loved her that much.
The tears started again and she walked on- not knowing where or why she was going. Her mind was wandering and it was not until she heard the screeching sound that she realized that a huge lorry was advancing upon her. The lorry hit her before the fear could- Her startled scream cut short as her head hit the hard pavement.
Blair Cornelia Waldorf, daughter of Harold and Eleanor Waldorf, the Queen B of Constance- the pristine princess of Upper East Side lay on the dirty pavement somewhere in Manhattan, her dark brown curls stained with the blood oozing out.
