She walked slowly past the shops never looking up from the gum crusted sidewalk. There was no reason to let her eyes wander, the once cheerful sun now seemed too bright for her shadowed eyes. As she walked a few delicate notes reached her ears, and she looked to see a piano shop. She found just this once she could not resist the temptation to play, just once she wanted to stop pretending.
She entered the shop and looked pointedly at a white grand piano in a shadowed corner. She could feel the eyes of the shopkeeper as she sat down upon it's bench but she did not care for his snobby glances, she needed to play. She began with a concerto of the moon, telling of the crowning of Queen Serenity and the peace that overcame the moon under her rule. Her mother had often found it too glorifying but it had been played very often in the castle regardless.
The shopkeeper no longer glared as he noticed the numerous passerbys that were now stopping to watch the girl play. She was lost in her own world as she imagined Michelle and Jonathan beside her, the violin and flute melding perfectly with her piano. Everything was as it should have been, but when the song ended and she opened her eyes, the harsh reality of the present hit her. A present without her true friends, without her family, without her Endymion.
Ignoring the crowd of spectators she began to play and sing not even realizing the words that were coming from her mouth.
Don't remember where I was
I realized life was a game
The more seriously I took things
The harder the rules became
I had no idea what it'd cost
My life passed before my eyes
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied
So as you read this know my friends
I'd love to stay with you all
please smile when you think of me
My body's gone that's all
A tout le monde (To everybody)
A tout mes amis (To all my friends)
Je vous aime (I love you)
Je dois partir (I must leave)
These are the last words
I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free
If my heart was still alive
I know it would surely break
And my memories left with you
There's nothing more to say
Moving on is a simple thing
What it leaves behind is hard
You know the sleeping feel no more pain
And the living all are scarred
A tout le monde (To everybody)
A tout mes amis (To all my friends)
Je vous aime (I love you)
Je dois partir (I must leave)
These are the last words
I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free
So as you read this know my friends
I'd love to stay with you all
Please smile, smile when you think about me
My body's gone that's all
A tout le monde (To everybody)
A tout mes amis (To all my friends)
Je vous aime (I love you)
Je dois partir (I must leave)
These are the last words
I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free
The crowd was now staring at her strangely and she managed a weak smile and pushed though the few good samaritans that tried to stop her to ask if she was okay. A buzzing from her pocket alerted her to the fact that she was late to another senshi meeting. Today she was not ready for their insults about how she never lived up to their expectations. They never realized that if she acted the way they wanted the enemy would spot her out easily.
Her mind went over the words to the song and she realized it was what she really wanted, it was all that would set her free. She shouted the lyrics again to the empty street before teleporting herself to the one place she wanted to see one last time before she took her last breath.
She looked down at the shinning blue ball that was Earth and thought back to all those night she had fallen asleep starting at its beauty. She remembered all the nights she would stare and dream of her Endymion, never knowing he would one day tear her heart apart. She wished they had both truly died that day, then he never would have betrayed her, and she could have spent eternity knowing he still loved her.
A tout le monde (To everybody)
A tout mes amis (To all my friends)
Je vous aime (I love you)
Je dois partir (I must leave)
These are the last words
I'll ever speak
And they'll set me free
She wiped a tear from her cheek, and raised the crystal in front of her willing the orb to take the life from her body. In a flash of white the crystal was ripped from her hand and she turned to see furious violet eyes staring back at her.
"What the hell were you thinking Sere! Phillippe had a vision saying you were going to die here and you needed us, I thought it was an enemy we were facing, not…this!" Serena desperately tried to overcome her shock as she recognized the eyes of Edward. She flung herself into his arms, tears falling freely onto his shoulder. He softened and returned the embrace, they remained in silence though Edward was desperate to know what had put his sister in such a state.
He willed the crystal in his hand to send a signal to his brothers, as well as Amara and Michelle who were all searching for her. They arrived in minutes with questioning eyes at the still sobbing Serena.
"Sere…" Phillippe reached out a tentative hand to his little sister. "What happened?" He got no response and looked to Edward who was obviously having an argument with himself. He gave a low sigh and said barely above a whisper.
"She was trying to kill herself" Eyes were wide and scared as they watched the sobbing and oblivious Serena.
"Sere…what's wrong Sere? Why are you crying?" At his words, Serena seemed to realize the presence of others and looked at them all with shock and amazement.
"How…did? Where did all of you come from?" Deciding their own questions were best left for another time, Phillippe answered.
"Phillippe has been trying to find word of you for as long as we could remember, then suddenly he said you were in trouble on the moon, we all rushed here…"Michelle trailed off, not wanting to say what they were all thinking.
"We've always been searching for you Sere, you're not alone you…you never have been." Edward spoke gently to her, his arms still wrapped tightly around her.
"I'd rather have been alone, then maybe I would never have hurt so much." The words were hollow and empty, nothing like the princess they knew.
"Come lets go home" Amara spoke firmly leaving no room for argument as they all nodded in response and Edward pulled Serena even tighter as they left the moon.
"What's with Serena lately? It's not like her to completely blow off a senshi meeting." Rei's voice was void of anger, she was worried, she knew they had all been rather harsh on Serena lately. Unnecessarily so, but the battles were wearing them out and it was obvious Serena's attention was no longer on the fight like they needed it to be.
"I'm worried she's planning something stupid." Mina spoke softly, being the only one that really felt the depth of Serena's anguish over Darien.
"You can't mean that Mina! This is Serena! She wouldn't let something get to her like that!" Lita shouted her fighting spirit and devotion coming to the surface.
"She loves him Lita, and he just rejects her over and over again, the things he says to her…I'm not even sure I can feel all of her pain." Mina was too quiet and subdued for the rest of the group, she was worrying them.
"Lets not overreact, lets call Serena's mother and see if she has heard from her. If she wasn't coming to our sleepover meeting then she should be home by now." The girls all nodded at Amy's logical solution and Rei ran to call.
She was pale when she returned minutes later.
"She never came home, and now her mother knows she's not here. They're really worried." The girls shared quiet panicked glances unsure of what to do or where to look.
"We should call Darien." Again Mina's quiet voice unnerved the group.
"Why? He obviously doesn't care about her? He'd probably be glad to know she was missing!" Lita snarled as she spoke letting her anger cover the worry that was filling her heart.
"She might have gone to see him." The girls nodded and this time it was Amy who called, the others being unable to trust their composure when speaking to him.
"Hello?" Darien's voice was groggy despite it being a Friday night he had turned in early desperate for at least a little sleep, but that plan proved wrong as he was awoken by the phone instead of nightmares.
"Darien?" The voice was timid and unsure…Amy.
"Yes?" He was impatient to return to his sleep but he could not help but wonder why Amy had called. The other scouts he could see calling to vent their anger, but that was unlike Amy.
"Have you seen Serena?" He stiffened, normally there would not be a moment where he would not know the location of Serena, but times had changed, and he hated it.
"No I haven't seen the childish brat since yesterday, you know we aren't together anymore Amy." Darien forced the hateful words out of his mouth, trying to keep the sadness from his voice. Amy's voice grew softer but Darien heard the words as if she had shouted them from the rooftops.
"She never came home, and Mina was worried…and now we agree that maybe…we think she might be…suicidal." The last word was little more than a puff of air on the phone but the phone dropped heavily to the floor as Darien looked out the window at the city with panicked eyes.
It couldn't be true not his Serena, she was too strong, she could handle this, she would be better off without him. The girls had to be just overreacting.
"Let us know if you see her Darien, please." The phone died then without waiting for a response, he wondered how heartless they must think him now, but none of that mattered he had to find Serena.
He transformed and ran out into the night.
Serena slept through the night on a large comfortable bed in the room that the others had set up for her in the hopes that they would one day find her. The intervals were short between each visit to see if she was sleeping peacefully. They were frightfully worried, and they needed to know what had so broken their strong princess.
It was lunch and they were sitting quietly in the dinning room when Serena slowly walked in. Her face was solemn but her eyes brightened at the sight of them. It wasn't a dream, they really were there, her family and friends, smiling and looking at her like they really wanted her there.
"Serena sit, eat. We made plenty of food just in case you woke up." Edward spoke kindly, but there was laughter in his eyes knowing how much his sister could eat.
She smiled gratefully and took the empty seat beside Jonathan, who leaned over to hug her.
"I'm glad you're feeling better Sere! Why were you so sad?" Serena hugged him tightly still not fully believing that her brothers were there with her, but then she noticed the stares and realized they were all waiting for an answer to Jonathan's question.
"I was hurt by people I really cared about, but it is not a conversation for the lunch table." She gave the others a look that said she would speak with them about it afterwards.
Lunch was light and full of laughter as they others told various stories of their mishaps in California trying to run a ranch of horses since Jonathan loved them so much.
Afterwards though they retired to the parlor sending Jonathan off to practice his studies. Serena sat between her brothers knowing she would need their comfort as she told the tale. Michelle and Amara sat across from them beaming encouragement at Serena.
"I live in Tokyo, the inners are there. They don't have their memories fully yet so they don't know I'm the princess. I wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible, if they didn't recognize me, neither would the enemy, but they're just so harsh. Nothing I do is good enough, but they don't understand that if it was good enough I'd be found out. They don't listen, I'm just ditzy, clutzy, stupid Serena who is a bad fighter and can't do anything right. I never thought I'd miss acting like my princess self, but if that was all they liked about me…" Serena trailed off not wanting to believe that even on the moon her friends had not liked that she was a bit ditzy and goofy when they were alone, they had all been back then.
She felt Phillippe's arm wrap protectively around her shoulder.
"Don't worry I'll teach those inners a lesson, how dare they treat anyone like that! Much less you!" Amara's anger was showing on her face and Serena wondered if it was the right time to tell them about Endymion.
"Sere, we're here for you now, and there is plenty of space in this manor for you to act like yourself and not have anyone notice, your complete self."He added knowing that she had always felt the need to hide one side or the other.
She smiled gratefully, and saw that while their faces were smiling at her, their eyes all held untold anger, all except for Phillippe whose eyes were questioning her.
"Go on Sere, the inners have always been a bit critical of you, while I don't doubt that they are more harsh than usual it would not be enough to…" he trailed off not wanting to say the fateful words.
She looked away from them all. Deciding instead to stare at the carpet which seemed to form the image of Darien's smile to spite her.
"Endymion is there as well, we we had a relationship. He's Tuxedo Mask and I am Sailor Moon, he was always there for me, protecting me and when I found out his identity…we fell in love. He knew I was the princess once we found the silver crystal but I told him to keep it a secret from the scouts. I didn't want them to be disappointed. He always disagreed with me…but then…he broke up with me. Tore me apart with his words, saying he no longer wanted to be tied to me by destiny, that he didn't love me, I was just a ditzy crybaby…." Her words broke and she began to cry uncontrollably, immediately everyone drew closer wrapping their arms tightly around the grieving princess.
Once everyone had found out the truth they took Jonathan and decided to show Serena California, no one ever mentioned the idea of her returning to Tokyo anytime soon, all were afraid of a repeat performance of her scene on the moon.
Two months, two months and there had been no sign of her. The police having been told that Serena was depressed, assumed just as the scouts had been afraid to think – that she had committed suicide. After a few days Darien had given up all pretense of not caring and had not slept or ate unless forced to by the scouts whenever they came across the weary Tuxedo Mask. They were still angry at him and he had never explained his motives, but even Mina had to admit that he was working really hard to find her.
But now after two months the police were losing hope, walking by the Tsukino's yesterday he had heard a few words that seemed to resemble funeral and death certificate, but he had refused to hear anything else. Serena was not dead, he knew that, he knew he would not longer be alive if she wasn't. There was hope that she would return to him yet.
He grabbed his coat and decided to talk a midnight stroll through the park, with any luck he would be mugged and have some poor soul to take out his emotions on. He wandered through the rose garden remembering all the times he had spent there with Serena. Tears bristled in his eyes and he forced himself to walk past their bench.
He had not gone far when there was a ring at his phone, it was late and he had no idea who would be calling at this hour. He looked and saw that it was Rei, he braced himself for her usual onslaught of anger and answered the phone.
"Darien?" The voice was weak and choked, Darien was instantly afraid, he did not want to know what could bring out that reaction in Rei.
"Mrs. Tsukino called, the police…they…found her body Darien. Serena's gone…" The phone died then and Darien knew that Rei had tried so hard to be strong when talking to him. He ran to the temple, something had to be wrong, he would be able to feel if Serena had died wouldn't he? He had to of, something was a mistake it wasn't his Sere, it couldn't be.
He reached the temple and ran up the stairs and through the temple disregarding the shocked face of her grandfather as he reached Rei's room. The girls were all there, the same pale tear streaked faces were present on all of them. None of them seemed surprised at his presence.
"She's not dead. I would feel it, I know I would. I'm still I'm still connected to her…" His voice trailed off he was uncertain the more he thought about it. If he could feel her still why had he felt nothing since her disappearance and why hadn't he felt the strength of her depression? Had he lost that connection when he broke her heart?
"They found her body Darien, we didn't believe it either, but I snuck into the morgue and did a scan with the mercury computer…it was her Darien. Serena killed herself." Darien collapsed at Amy's words, even she was convinced, but it couldn't be true…if it was then…if it was then….
He conjured one of his infamous steel tipped roses, the ones that had so many times saved Serena, now they would save him, and reunite him with his love. It was Lita that glanced his way and cried out to the others.
"Darien what are you thinking?" Lita ran to stop him but he easily pushed her away. He pressed the edge of the rose to his chest.
"Serena…"
The rose was pulled from his hand in a flash of white from behind him. Darien turned around shocked and furious at whoever had snuck in and tried to stop him.
"More suicide, such a disgusting matter, though curse my senses for alerting me to it. At this moment I would prefer you dead and bleeding upon this floor, but as my princess would suffer for it I shall not allow you to kill yourself." The man pricked his finger as if testing it's sharpness, and then shook his head at the blood that gushed from the cut.
"At least Serena's method was cleaner, never cared much for the sight of blood, especially hers. Edward was worse of course, or at least more vocal about it." The man seemed lost in his own thoughts and completely disregarding the five faces gaping at him. But finally Darien could take it no longer, he lunged at the man.
"How dare you talk about Serena so? She did not deserve to die!" The anger that flashed in the man's eyes caused the girls to gasp as he pushed Darien away with such force it drove him into a wall.
"HER NAME WILL NEVER AGAIN BE UTTERED FROM YOUR LIPS! I knew you would hurt her one day, no one believed me, not the perfect couple, you'd give your life for her they all said, but I have never been wrong, and it may have taken longer than I thought…you did tear her heart out. You are the reason the light of this world longed for death. Twice Endymion! Twice she decided to sacrifice herself rather than live without you, and you dare speak her name!" The rage in his eyes was unmistakable but the pain that was there was glaringly evident to Rei.
"Who are you?" Rei's question was subdued not wanting to draw his anger.
He bowed. "I am Phillippe eldest son of her majesty Queen Selenity of Silver Millenium, and brother to Princess Serenity, heir to the throne of the Moon Kingdom. Remember me now Endymion or are your memories still hidden from you?" Darien only looked at the man in shock, suddenly understanding why he was so angry with him.
"You know where the princess is? She has the silver crystal right? Maybe she can bring Serena back!" Lita was hopeful and desperate as she looked to Phillippe.
"Tell them Endymion." Phillippe's eyes had long since lost their violet hue, and he was realizing why Edward had thought he was not the best choice to visit the scouts.
Darien sighed, tears spilling from his eyes as he thought about his beloved of two lifetimes.
"Serena was Serenity. I found out when we found the silver crystal, it returned some of my memories, but Serena had always known, she…she…just pretended because she didn't want to be found, and then once I found out she made me swear not to tell you, she thought you would all be so disappointed. And now she's dead, and I will join her one way or another!" Darien conjured another rose but another flash of white energy knocked it from his hands because he could use it.
"Foolish boy! I may not like you, and it will be a very long time before any of us trust you again or even allow you to see her, but do not be foolish enough to think I would allow my own sister to kill herself. I have enough of a gift of foresight to prevent that much! But if you think I am going to forgive you for the pain you caused her…none of us who were there will ever be able to erase the image of Serenity broken and crying. Edward who found her using the crystal to pull her life from her body hasn't slept since, he is so tormented by the memory of that night."
They all looked at him with various forms of hope and surprise.
"But do not think any of you will be allowed to see her, Serena Tsukino is dead and she will remain dead, because she is never returning to Tokyo. I have come only to inform you that she is alive, though her family must never know. She was only worried that the four of you would be too distraught and she did not want you to suffer. You…" He said looking over at Darien. "would not have known had you not been here. Serenity knows you no longer love her and has therefore settled all ties with you. But I know my sister and she will continue to love you and harbor that haunting sadness in her eyes forever, and none of us, including Edward will ever forgive you for that." With those words Phillippe disappeared with a twirl of his cape leaving his audience momentarily spellbound.
"Serena's alive? And she's the Princess? Darien…who is Endymion?"
Phillippe returned to the mansion drained. He did not like having to hold his temper around Endymion, although even he had to admit the man had seemed heartbroken. He looked down at the rose he still held in his hand, debating whether or not to tell his sister what had transpired. He decided to go off in search of Edward for his twin's advice.
"Jonathan Where are you!" Serena chased after her younger brother who no doubt had been told to keep her mind busy so she would not ponder over how the senshi were taking the news. She did have to admit Jonathan was keeping her very busy but occasionally her mind would still manage to stray.
"I saw him in the kitchen Koneko, no doubt he's hungry for lunch as I am sure you are as well." Serena smiled and nodded before turning in the direction of the kitchen. She stopped and turned to look at Amara.
"We will be down in a moment Koneko" Amara said with smile knowing exactly what her princess wished. Serenity smiled and ran off in the direction of the kitchen.
"She seems much improved since she first arrived." Amara said turning toward Michelle who was lounging by the window with a book.
"Yes, but the sadness had not left her eyes, they are much darker than they used to be. I am afraid she is just pretending for our sake." Michelle said looking out at the sunny blue sky above them, wishing the moon were visible to somehow grant them guidance.
"Edward has not been the same either, I do not think he has slept much." Amara said, knowing how he seemed in a daze unless of course putting on a show of happiness for Serena, though he never managed to fool her.
"He was best friends with Endymion and he was very close to both of them, Endymion introduced him to his true love, and Serenity well everyone is close to Serenity I suppose but somehow Edward always seemed closer than most, even Phillippe and Jonathan. Though I am not quite sure what it was." Michelle nodded slowly before feeling her hand being pulled toward the door.
"Come Serenity will be angry if we are late for lunch!" Michelle laughed as she ran after the now worried Amara as they dashed toward the kitchen, more likely to be punished with lack of food than Serenity's anger.
After searching the entire mansion Phillippe was surprised that he could not find Edward, he had hoped his brother had finally managed to catch some sleep, but was disappointed to see that not only was he not in his room, but seemed to have left the manor altogether. His second trip around the manor brought him past the kitchen where Serenity and Jonathan were arguing over food.
"Phillippe! You're back! You must be starved, come on Amara and Michelle are coming down to eat too. Have you seen Edward? Is he finally getting some sleep?" Serenity spoke quickly inbetween bites of bread and Phillippe could not help but smile at the perfect princess shoving her mouth full of food. He pushed aside thoughts of worry for his brother for the moment and sat down to eat. Edward after all was very capable of taking care of himself, and Phillippe had no doubt that he had simply gone for a walk to clear his head, as was often his tendency.
Edward paced silently outside the door, it was late, and he knew Serenity and Phillippe would murder him if they knew he had come here but he just had to get some answers. He opened the door with a flick of his wrist, having the powers that came with his memories was certainly helpful. He stepped slowly inside seeing that all the lights were off, he saw a figure on the balcony. Endymion. The man had not changed, the same build and the same fascination with the stars.
But now was not a time for reminiscing, he had to make sense of what had happened, had to do something to get the nightmares of Serenity's eyes that night to go away.
"You had a choice, and for all your supposed intelligence you forgot everything and acted the fool!" Not exactly the coherent argument he had wanted to make but if nothing else it gained his attention.
Darien jumped at the voice but did not turn around, he did not care that someone had snuck into his apartment, or who it was, though by the familiarity of the voice he guessed it was Edward.
"Why are you here?" Darien was surprised at the deep sigh that came in response.
"We were friends once, not at first of course, but for Serenity, you never gave up, no matter what always for her. Once I realized it, I had to like you, the only person I ever though good enough for her. I trusted you more than any other…" his voice began to break and Darien knew he was trying to compose himself, but the only thing Darien felt was confusion.
"She doesn't know I am here, and she'll be angry, but I needed to hear it from you, my best friend, Why? Even if you do not fully remember the past, a part of you must still love her and I know that nothing could ever make you forget how she killed herself. Not even 100 millenia could wipe that from my mind. I held her bloody limp body as her spirit left her once already because of you, but I forgave you because I knew it would have killed you as it did me…" Darien still had not turned toward his confrontor, though now it was because of the tears that were slowly sliding down his cheeks. The sight of his Sere covered in blood and dying was too much to bear.
"Endymion Look at me!" Do you even realize what you nearly did? She would be dead this day if we have not been called to her. You! The one man I thought loved her more than his own life drove her to suicide! Tell me why Endymion!"
Darien turned now to look into his desperate eyes. Everything that was being said seemed just beyond his memory, but everything was pushed away once again by the thoughts of what Sere had nearly done. But how could he explain anything, even if he wanted to the words seems to choke in his throat.
"Phillippe always had the gift of foresight, I should have believed him when he told me you would one day hurt our beloved Serenity beyond saving. But whenever I saw how happy you made her, - that was the first and only fight I have ever had with my twin." He turned to go unable to stop the hatred and anger that had been welling up within him at the still silent Endymion.
"To the Endymion that loved her I say this, I would recommend you at least say goodbye before she sacrifices herself. The Endymion I knew would never forgive himself if he did not do at least that much."
The door slammed shut before Darien was given the chance to speak and ask what he meant. He collapsed to his knees, and felt tears pour down his cheeks.
"Oh Sere! I'm so sorry my love." He spent the night at the balcony crying at the moon. When the sun rose he knew he had to see her, wherever she was. But when he turned to enter his bedroom he saw her there on the bed watching him pensively. It was then that he realized a blanket had been draped around his shoulders.
"You forget I can sense your emotions." She said shrugging as some sort of explanation for her presence.
"I was worried and wanted to apologize for the behavior of my brothers. They're both very protective of me." There was a silence as neither of them really knew what to day.
"Well I will be going now, you are awake and well. Goodbye."
"I'm not" The words were soft and he had yet to move from his place on the balcony.
"Not what?" Serenity asked curiously already having forgotten her courteous excuse to leave.
"I'm not well Sere, not without you, not knowing how I hurt you. You have no idea how I suffer without you, you're my whole reason for living Sere, I love you. I want to tell you the reasons for what I did and I want to protect you and prove just how much I love you. Sere please listen to me!" He cried out as he saw her turn away from him.
"They told you then? Stupid fools." The bitterness in her voice tore at him, his Sere was so different because of him, so cold and harsh. "Do not feel guilty Darien, I will not have a relationship born from your guilt over my attempt at suicide. It was in the past and I am putting all of the past behind me like you did. I am going to end all of it once and for all, put things the way you and the scouts have always wanted them…without me and without destiny."
Darien thought back to Edward's words about Serenity sacrificing herself and he found himself fearful at her words. He ran to her and placed his arms around her just as she began her teleport back to California. When the bright light that had surrounded them receded both wore shocked faces.
