Authors note:
Well, hi…
This is my first Rizzoli&Isles fanfic and my first fanfic in a very long time. I'm rusty…
I know that the characters are a little OOC, and I'll try to improve in the next chapters\stories.
Reviews will be very helpful so I'll be able to know what I'm doing wrong

Also, English isnt my first language, so if I have grammar and spelling mistakes I beg your pardon.

The characters don't belong to me, all credit goes to TNT, Tess Gerritsen, Janet Tamaro and Jan Nash

So… lets start?

-R&I-

Mauras POV

"He is not good enough for you, and definitely not worth your tears, Maur…"
That was the same line Jane told me every time that some guy I dated broke up with me, usually because of the fact that he couldn't stand the fact that I spent most of my day at work surrounded by the dead.

This time, his name is Benjamin Michaels.
He is two years younger than me, an inteligent man and successful engineer.

We've been dating for a longer more than six months, the longest relationship I had for the past few years. He was the perfect man, the one that every woman would dream to have by her side.

He used to send me flowers and take me to all my favorite restaurants. Sometimes when I got home late because of a case we were working on, he made sure to wait for me with a warm dinner.

Homemade dinner, and I must say that he wasn't only a successful engineer, but he had outstanding cooking skills too. We haven't officially moved in together but he had a key to my place, and to be honest I do believe he spent more time at my house than at his own apartment.

Not that it bothered me, I loved the fact that I could come in and call "honey, I'm home" when I got back from work and get other response than the sound of Bass scratching the wooden floor, slowly crawling to his food bowl waiting for me to feed him his British strawberries.

Everything was great, and even beyond that until we went to a cocktail party with his colleagues. When he introduced me, he said I was a doctor and I immediately corrected him ' The chief medical examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts'.

Funny, now when I think about it I never minded Jane to call me a doctor when she needed me to stitch her or to fix her broken nose when she refused to go to the hospital. I never correced her on that.

"So, you work with dead people?" his colleagues used to ask me. "No, I work with very alive people to solve the murders of now dead people." I got irritated by these questions and I could see the discomfort Benjamin felt as he tried to change the subject.
That was the last time we went out with his friends.

One Friday night I invited him to go out and have a few drinks with Jane and the guys after solving a hard case that seemed to last forever. I can't say I was complete disaster, but it was a little awkward and he felt slightly out of place so we never did that again either.
Even though I tried to invite him again but he always seemed to have other plans.

At first I wasn't concerned, I thought maybe he just wanted to spend alone time with me, now I get how uncomfortable he felt around my friends and co-workers.

Last night after we came back from the theater, he settled us a bubble bath with candles, expensive champagne and red sweet cherries. We took our time, relaxing in the hot water before we moved into my bedroom. He gently laid me on my bed, while he started kissing me all the way down from my lips to my neck, lower to the collarbone and to my breasts.

He stayed there for a couple of minutes, got up of bed and started getting dressed. "I can't do this anymore Maura, I kiss you and I can feel the taste of death in my mouth. I know it's psychological, but even now I can smell the morgue on your skin."

I was out of words, we've been together for a long time, and he never said he was bothered by my job.

"I'm in no position to make you choose between your career and me, and even if I did so I know you'd choose your job. And it's fine, but I really can't live with it anymore."

Then he just left me lying naked on my bed and walked out of my door, out of my life.

The Queen of the Dead is alone again. Why I'm not even surprised?

It was another Friday night spent in Jane's apartment…

"Maura, are you listening to me?" I guess I was lost in thoughts.

"Let me get you another glass of wine, we'll eat tons of ice cream and today it's your turn to choose the movie. So we'll watch any documentary you want." Jane said with a wink.

I knew she was trying to help but I wasn't in the mood for a movie night, or anything at all.
Why do I always end up alone? Shouldn't I be used to it at this point? I mean, I was alone for most of my life, and I was ok with it… was I?

Jane seemed to read my mind. She hugged me and began her "you deserve much better than that" lecture I already knew by heart.

I could feel the tears burning in my eyes and drank my glass of wine with by one sip, hoping I could make the pain go away as I raise the alcohol degrees in my blood.

"Did you know that 43% of unmarried women after 35 find themselves alone? And the chance to find a man decreases by 0.7% per year until they reach the age of forty, and after that the annual decreasing is…"

Jane took my hand in hers and started rubbing it gently. She looked at me with her big brown eyes, full of confusion, sympathy and… love? "Maybe it's true, I can never argue with that big brain of yours and your google mouth, but remember you are not just any other woman, you are Maura Isles. You are smart, beautiful, caring, spectacular woman. And anyone who can't see what I see when I look at you doesn't deserve you."

We were so close to each other, and maybe it's the wine that clouded my mind or it was reaction to her words, maybe both, but I was really tempted to close the distance between us. Instead I just pulled back.

"Yes, also I am Dr. Death. And the men I dated weren't excited by the fact I spend my days with the corpses on my table"

That was harsh but I was so angry. Angry with the men I dated, and most of all angry with myself for letting it get under my skin. And what if Jane's right, and I just 'date with idiots" as she says? Well, if that's true, I have one more reason to be angry with myself…

"So are you saying I'm destined to live a lonely life because I deserve better than I can find?" I don't want to spend my life alone, I had more than enough loneliness till now.

"That's not what I meant, and you will never be alone. You have Ma, and Tommy and Frankie, both of them love you just a little too much… you have your parents, Frost and Korsak, and of course you have are not alone Maura."

"I know, but sometimes it is not enough. Sometimes I want more. I want to come back home and have someone waiting for me, I want to share my king size bed with someone, I want to sit on my porch with somebody, watch our kids play and grow old together…" I want to be made love to, not just be someone's meaningless sex interest…

Jane didn't know what to say, and I didn't give her time to find an answer as I got up off her couch and made my way to the door.

"I think I'll just go home now, I'm too drunk to drive so I'll call a cab. See you on Monday."

-R&I-

Okay, that was the first chapter…
Good? Bad? Should I continue?
As I said, reviews are more than welcome (: