THE POTTER HOUR
According to Lily Evans, James Potter had always been a despicable toe rag.
A toe rag that had recently developed a very bad habit of trailing after her like a lost puppy ever since the start of their seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Not that he hadn't done that before, of course, in what Lily refers to as the "Potter Infatuation Periods", throughout the four years when he had suddenly taken a liking to her. Each period, Lily noted, would consist of a distinct and particular pattern in which Potter tries to ask her out. Sometimes this took the form of putting a flower at her window every morning (which Lily secretly didn't mind), and other times singing cards of confession that wouldn't shut up no matter what spells she tried (which Lily did mind). And then, when Potter has been rejected enough times to learn that the particular method wasn't working, Lily would finally get her little interval of peace — at least, until he comes up with another idea to ask her out.
Lily had only gotten a summer of tranquility when Potter dove straight back into the routine of "wooing Evans" (as Lily's friends like to call it) on the first day of school.
Somehow, (and Lily strongly suspects this to be the work of Remus), someone had gotten through Potter's thick skull just enough to suggest that, maybe, he shouldn't dog his crush 24 hours a day if he had wanted to come across as anything but annoying. So instead of constantly asking Lily out, James Potter thought that he could be much more efficient if he concentrated all his efforts into one single hour of study period per day.
And so that was that for the past week. Everyday, Lily Evans would wake up to find no flower on her window. She would then dress up to go downstairs, where Potter will be waiting for her, to walk her to the great hall for breakfast, with no pestering on the way there (except for the occasional "You look beautiful today, Lily", which would — to her great distaste — make her blush). Lily would sit with her friends, and Potter would go to his. They would then part ways for classes, and for once in four years, Potter wold not spend entire lectures trying to fly secret notes of love over to Lily. Lunch would come around once they dutifully attended their classes, and once again Lily would sit with her friends, and Potter his.
But the period after lunch would be entirely different. With a free hour to do whatever she wanted, Lily Evans would, routinely, wander to the library to study. It was also this time that she would find herself stuck as the centre of attention of James Potter, who would almost always be waiting for Lily before she got there. During this hour, Lily would try to study, and Potter would try everything in his power to prevent her from doing anything but that. Sometimes it was trying to get her to chit chat, sometimes it was asking her out to Hogsmeade — all of which Lily Evans would do her best to ignore until the hour is over (usually to no avail). Very, very occasionally, James would get a positive reaction from her, and as the smile reaches Lily's lips, he would light up as if someone had casted Lumos on his face. Even if Lily had ignored him, Potter was always undefeated, the untouchable ghost of a smirk tugging on the edges of his lips as if to say he would be triumphant the next time.
Soon, Lily's "study hour" quickly became the "Potter Hour". And although she would never admit this to anyone, not even to herself, sometimes the Potter Hour would be the only thing that kept her going on some days. But on most days, of course, Lily would only tell you that it's a nuisance to have Potter staring at her with his puppy eyes for an entire hour.
"Oh, Lily dear, but they're cute puppy eyes, and Merlin, they belong to James Potter!" Marlene, one of Lily's best friends, said dreamily during breakfast.
Lily made a face, sipping her pumpkin juice. So far, her day has been fairly normal, and nothing out of ordinary had happened, and Potter hadn't tried to get her attention yet, and it wasn't even close to the Potter Hour, and she was just really not in the mood to hear her friends putting words like "Potter" and "cute" together. "Please, Marlene, if you keep letting your guard down because of someone's puppy eyes, you're going to get yourself in trouble."
"Yeah, but I'd be in cute trouble." Marlene insisted, stealing occasional glances at the Marauders' table. Lily would stop her, but hell, it was something at least the better half of the Gryffindor female population — no, scratch that — it was something that at least the better half of the Hogwarts female population was doing.
Alice giggled as Lily sighed. "Marlene, if you don't stop staring, Lily is going to rip your head off."
"But it's James Potter. And if she's so jealous, I don't see why they're not going out yet." Marlene protested.
"I'm not —"
"I don't see what's your problem." the blonde declared. "The guy's smart, nice, charming, handsome, and he's a Quidditch captain. And, may I add, he happens to be completely head over heels in love with you."
"She's got a point." Alice chirped in. Frank nodded with a mouthful of food next to her.
Lily's face curled in disdain. There was no point in trying to convince her friends that she didn't like Potter. Not one bit. Even though everything Marlene said had been true… Lily huffed. Actually, it was especially because everything Marlene said was true that she didn't like perfect Potter with a capital P. He wasn't supposed to be nice and smart and handsome and charming and sporty and good at everything he does. He was supposed to be the arrogant mean jerk that she had met in first year, who had made fun of her and Snape, who had given her a faceful of apple pie at breakfast more than once, who seemed to have no compassion what-so-ever, and who was hell bent on making her life hell.
But Potter had changed. Lily frowned as she peeked at the Marauders' table (something she would normally made a point not to do), where the four friends were discussing animatedly. Slowly, without her realising it, James Potter had grown out of his immature self. Lily tried to recall when Potter had stopped torturing her. She couldn't. When did Potter stop teasing Snape? She didn't remember. When had his casual and spontaneous flirtations with every girl other than Lily stopped? She honestly had no clue.
It would be so much easier if he was still an arrogant jerk— Lily thought with an internal sigh as owls started to pile in from the roof into the great hall. Her Daily Prophet dropped into her hands, and Lily engrossed herself in the articles about the Ministry for the rest of her breakfast period. She thought she had heard someone hurrying out of the great hall and some other people yelling after the said someone, but for all she cared it could just have been someone who's forgotten his or her robes.
—
Lily was quite grumpy at lunch. She didn't exactly understand why, and it annoyed Lily when she couldn't comprehend her own emotions. She did know that it was something to with Potter — he's been on her mind since morning. But what about Potter? Why was she paying so much extra attention to him? How had she suddenly developed an interest (Lily cringed internally at that) in Potter? A completely unaffectionate interest, of course, but still.
The urge to look over at the Marauders' table as Lily ate with her friends was overwhelming. But of course she didn't turn her gaze towards a particular boy with messy hair and glasses. No, she refused to give him the satisfaction that she was (for some entirely un-understandable reason) finally looking at him. After all, Lily never had a reason to look for James unless it was for Head Boy and Head Girl duties —
Wait.
James?
Since when did she call him —
"Lily!"
A snapping motion in front of Lily's face brought her out of her train of thought. She focused on the present and saw Marlene wildly waving her hand in front of Lily's face.
"Evans!" Marlene scolded lightly. "I had been calling your name for like a solid five minutes!"
Lily blinked. "Um. Sorry, I spaced out. What were we talking about again?"
"The sexiness of James Potter." Marlene said matter-of-factly. Lily almost choked on her pumpkin juice.
"What?" she managed to croak out, sounding like a pigeon caught in a net.
Alice giggled and Marlene sniggered at Lily's reaction. "She was just messing with you, Lily. Although, from your reaction, I doubt she's far from guessing your thoughts."
Lily glared at her friends. "You guys are jerks."
"Just go out with him already!" Marlene urged. "The poor boy's been waiting a century for you to throw him a bone. You can't tell me you'd rather look at McGonagall's notes than spend time smooching James Potter! I mean, it's James Potter!"
Lily's face turned beet red, and willed herself not to hit the blonde with her fork (which was tremendously hard). "I don't see why I am obligated to go out with Potter simply because, and I quote, 'it's James Potter'." she said stiffly, staring at her plate.
"Even if it's a James Potter that had been asking you out for half a decade?" Alice questioned, a sly and not very hidden smirk on her face.
With a glare, Lily stood up with a groan. "You know what, I am going to leave before I hex one of you accidentally. I do have to go through Professor McGonagall's notes anyway."
And with that, Lily Evans walked out of the Great Hall to retrieve her books. Somehow, she felt that it sounded a little less loud, a little less spirited today — especially at the Gryffindor table, which would usually sound like a party at this point with the Marauders pulling some hilarious prank. The bell rung, and as Lily packed her things for study hour, or really the Potter Hour, the thought about eerie quietness was soon forgotten. Maybe Potter was just messing with her head — and Lily wanted answers for that. She wanted to know what it is that Potter was making her feel, and put an end to it for once and for all.
Taking a deep breath and muttering something about potions, Lily headed off to the library for the Potter Hour.
—
Lily didn't like it very much when things don't go according to plan. Especially when it involved James Potter — a James Potter who was most definitely not waiting for Lily in the library. Lily had checked every aisle, every corner, and even risked getting caught to utter a spell to find bloody Potter, but he was nowhere to be seen.
Figures, Lily mused angrily as she flipped her transfiguration book with unnecessary force. The only time she actually wanted to talk to Potter, would be the only time he goes missing. Whatever, she thought, absently flicking her wrist to mimic casting a spell with her wand. It wasn't like she needed to talk to the boy who had been on her mind all day. So what if he had matured? So what if he was no longer the annoying little git she met on the train in their first year? She didn't give a… a damn, about the heartless, too-perfect-for-his-own-good James Potter.
At least, that was what Lily told herself as she tried to study for the transfiguration test that was not due in a month. Emphasis on the "try", because the more she stared at the spells on her neatly written notes, the more she pondered about a particular boy with messy hair. And the more she thought about it, the more his absence bothered her. Lily would never admit to anyone, but in under a minute her mind had shifted from transfiguring wine glasses to full deduction mode about the different possibilities of Potter's current location.
A "Potter Infatuation Period" usually lasted at least a month, so it couldn't possibly be the end of the "Potter Hour" era yet. Besides, Lily hadn't really yelled at him all that much about the whole notion of the Potter Hour. She had even laughed a few times, which — although Lily didn't know much about these things — would surely be a good sign for Potter and his big headedness. As Head Boy, Lily had repeated to Potter time and time again that absolute no detentions, none, were allowed this year — although he had never really had a problem getting out of trouble most of the time, anyway. She doubted he would be missing because of extra work, seeing as how Potter seemed to be willing to fight heaven and hell to get Lily's attention (something that she most definitely does not approve of, naturally). Lily mentally recounted the Gryffindor Quidditch training schedule. If Maria had been correct in informing her about all the practice dates, Potter most definitely have nothing to do right now.
So there was absolutely no reason why he wouldn't be here, in the library, trying to get Lily to go out with him for the next Hogsmeade trip.
Not knowing, Lily decided, was not something she enjoyed. In fact, it bothered her profusely. So much that she chose to head up to the boys dorm to find the bloody Quidditch captain herself (something she had never done before, except that one time Potter had made fun Severus rudely in third year).
What she saw was entirely unexpected.
Lily noticed two things as she stormed into the boys dorm in the Gryffindor tower: A, Potter was not there; and B, Sirius appeared to be the only one there, and he was staring dejectedly into space, with perhaps the most miserable look Lily had ever saw on him. Sirius Black, as most Gryffindors may know, does not stare into space. Especially not with a gaze that's as empty and sad as it was right then and there. And, he showed no sign of noticing Lily as she dared to step a foot into the Marauders' territory — something that he would usually have made a fuss of.
Lily's gaze wandered around the room. The last time she had been here, it was messy (as a boys room should be) and littered with mischievous things (as one would expect of the Marauders). There had been firecrackers all over the floor, shirts hanging off lamps, pieces of wizard chess in all corners of the room, and was basically a complete mayhem of wild colours on Sirius, James, and Peter's beds, while Remus' had some form of organisation with some neatly piled shirts and books. She remembered frowning at the room in distaste, and had heard no other comments ever since to prove it otherwise.
Still, it seemed to Lily that the room was even more messy than usual. Potter's bed was unmade, for one, and it was as if someone had swept all the items on top of it onto the ground in anger, leaving papers and quills and ink bottles spilled across the floor with the quilt half soaked in the dark substance. A drawer looked to have recently suffered a few kicks with shoe marks, and a trunk seemed to have slammed shut, with half a shirt stuck outside and a shoe that didn't make it inside.
Something was terribly wrong, and Lily was almost scared to ask.
But Lily was born to be compassionate, and even if the person in trouble was the most hated person in the world, she couldn't resist the urge to help them if they need it. So she asked, her heart thudding in fear and dread, but at the same time in worry and an overwhelming sense of need for a certain missing Potter.
"Sirius." she whispered. When he didn't reply, Lily tried again, a bit more forcefully this time. "Sirius."
He turned to look at her. His lips twitched into the ghost of a smile that Lily thought should've been carved into his face permanently, but his eyes were hollow.
"Evans." Sirius managed to get out, his voice croaked and lacking all the confidence that usually came naturally to him.
Lily swallowed. "What… What happened? Where's P — Where's James?"
When Sirius' expression darkened, Lily began to freak out. She found herself slowly sinking into hysteria as her mind processed all the scenarios in which James was hurt: in which he fell off his broom during Quidditch practice, in which he got into trouble with some Slytherin and was hexed, in which he had disappeared for five hours straight and no one could find him, in which he was currently lying unconscious somewhere —
Lily suddenly found it quite hard to breathe as she waited for Sirius to answer her question, who, for the love of Merlin's beard, seemed to be taking his sweet time in piecing together what he should say.
"Sirius, I swear to God, if he thinks this is funny—" she warned, but Sirius cut her off.
"James got a letter today." he said, his voice horribly lacking life. There was a long, long pause. Then Sirius took a deep breath, and let out a gush of words that Lily could only just catch. "It's from the Ministry of Magic and you know how his parents are Aurors well they had been on a mission to fish out Death Eaters for about two bloody weeks now and it had all been going well but you know accidents happen and suddenly You-Know-Who found out where they were operating and suddenly all hell breaks lose and curses fly and sometimes you wish, Goddammit, you wish they had more people and they were more powerful and they could get away in time but things just don't go your way and now they're gone and James is devastated and he doesn't want anyone with him and I don't know where he is and Remus and Peter had been looking for him since he ran out in breakfast and he's not on the map and we're so worried because when James Potter doesn't want to be found no one can find him…"
At that point, Sirius was breaking off into short raspy breathes. Lily couldn't tell if it was because he was finished, or because he couldn't go on. She swore it was the first time she saw Sirius cry, and that was how she knew that the Marauders were no longer just the few crazy teenagers she had met on the train to Hogwarts. Just like that, everything that's happened so far made sense. The person who ran out during breakfast was James, having received the letter with unthinkable news. Lunch had been quiet because the Marauders hadn't ate at all, they were looking for James. The Potter Hour had so far been just an hour because James Potter was no where to be found.
Suddenly, all her problems seemed petty compared to what James had been going through. There she was complaining about how dedicated he was in getting her to go on a date with him, and all the while he was going through this? Lily couldn't imagine her parents fighting You-Know-Who, let alone dying from it. How exactly had James been putting a smile on his face everyday? Lily almost wanted to hit herself in the face for not noticing anything. How could she be so oblivious?
"Think, Lily, think," she muttered as her feet carried her up the staircase. "What are all those bloody 'O's for if you can't even find bloody James Potter?"
Guilt was at the back of her mind as Lily wandered all around the castle to find James. She knew he wasn't looking for pity, but solitary confinement had never done anyone all that good. Lily remembered that she, too, had been beyond hurt when Petunia refused to invite Lily to her wedding, and being alone had been a bad idea. Funnily enough, James had been the first to find her that time, and although he was still a tiny bit of a git then, it was the first time Lily found him tolerable.
She remembered not wanting to be found as well, as she hid in the Room of Requirement that Professor Dumbledore had so kindly hinted to her it existed…
The Room of Requirement! Lily changed directions, and soon she found herself facing an empty wall in the hallway. For all she knew, it probably wouldn't work. If the occupant of the Room didn't want to be found, would it appear to her?
Please, Lily thought as she desperately waited for the doors to materialise. I really, really need to find James.
When the doors appeared, Lily thought she was going to faint. Out of relieve, chagrin, or her frantically beating heart, she didn't know. What she did know was that James Potter was probably behind those doors, and maybe he needed her, and maybe he didn't, but she knew she was going to walk in. For once in her life, Lily's logic failed her as she turned the doorknob.
And merely dodged a cabinet flying her way.
"James!" she cried at the figure in the centre of the room, who was yelling curses at everything he could possibly see. In his rage, Lily observed that the Room of Requirement was filled with junk, made, apparently, for hexing. A few dismembered Death Eater figures were scattered across the ground, and there was currently a tornado of black and white swirling around a very worked up James Potter.
Even in his destructive state, Lily noticed how handsome James was with his messy hair, rolled up sleeves, muscles flexing as he waved his wand with power. But this was obviously not the time for that.
"James!" she yelled again, using her own magic to deflect the flying objects. At this rate, neither of them would ever need to take Defence Against the Dark Arts again. "James, stop!"
Something seemed to have registered this time, and James turned around to see Lily slowly advancing towards him, her red hair flying in all directions from the mayhem he was causing. As if she was all he needed to calm down, James stopped wielding his magic, and as the bits and pieces of unknown things stopped flying around in the air, as the loud crashing noises came to an end, as the Room of Requirement was wrapped in a heavy, unreal serenity, he thought she had never looked more beautiful in that moment.
But then his parents' death came back to him, and James Potter felt an overwhelming need to cry. He hadn't want to, not in front of Lily, but sometimes pain demands to be felt, and there was nothing he could do to stop the tears. So James did the only thing he could to save himself some embarrassment, turning away to hide his puffy red eyes that ought to be dry now considering the amount of tears they had shed in the last five hours.
"What do you want, Evans?" James snapped, feeling vulnerable as he wrapped his arms around himself on the ground. Lily thought he looked like a child who had just witness the world end. And although James was probably hating himself internally for being weak, Lily thought he was the bravest person she had came across so far, because he was still living, because he hadn't given up.
So Lily said nothing, because she didn't know what she wanted except to sit next to James and hug him until he felt better. And she did just that, silently wrapping her arms around a shaking James, resting her forehead on his shoulder. He initially stiffened, but eventually relaxed, placing a hand on Lily's waist, securing her there. Neither of them said anything for a long time, and they didn't need to. They fit together perfectly, like two puzzle pieces made for each other. For a while, they let silence envelope them, James crying and Lily holding him as tight as possible, as if the moment she lets go he would shatter.
When he was finally done, they still sat in the same position, limbs still wrapped around each other. Eventually a slight embarrassment caught up to James (Merlin, he was holding onto Lily Evans, and she wasn't hitting him!), who felt like a disgusting snotty mess at this point with a soaked shirt and hair even more messy than normal. But to Lily, James Potter had never been more human and real at this moment, and holding onto him and never letting him go seemed like a good thing to do.
—
According to Lily Evans, James Potter had always been a despicable toe rag.
But when the said toe rag asked her out two weeks after the unspeakable incident (James still found it traumatic to think of his parents' deaths) during the Potter Hour, she had said yes. And perhaps without surprise to either James or Lily, the Potter Hour would become Potter Days, and soon it would become Potter Years.
And although it was cut short tragically, it was a perfect Potter life with a capital P.
