Entry 1: Stuck
My name is Rachel Green and I am trapped in a psych ward. The nurse gave me this notebook so I thought I could do some writing to deal with my emotions and/or any frustrations I have during my time here. I'm at little to no understanding as to why I am sitting in a mental institute. How did I get here? Last I remember, my sister found me looking over the edge of a bridge at five in the morning and I guess she thought I was about to commit suicide, but I was seriously just looking at the view… Okay, so maybe I was contemplating killing myself, but the river was so calm and so beautiful it snapped me out of wanting to do it. Now I'm stuck in a nut hut where I can't even go outside. I don't remember much of that day but the doctor said I entered into a state of mania due to an overload of stress, anxiety, and whatever other bull shit they came up with. I've mostly kept to myself in here so far, there are groups I could attend but I have no interest in sharing my thoughts with wacked out peers. I can't tell if I am scared or just confused; the people in here need serious help. Time in this place ticks and tocks too slow. My nurse suggested that instead of isolating myself, I should socialize with the other patients. I don't think that's a good idea but it could be interesting. Journaling seems to be the only thing that keeps me from not losing my mind. After all, I'm only here because of a misunderstanding with my sister. However, the doctors here told me I'm not allowed to leave yet because there are no doctors to release me this weekend… so I'm stuck here. I need something to kill the time. Maybe going to the groups and socializing won't be as bad as I think. Breakfast time is approaching, there's nothing better than sitting at a table with a whole bunch of crazy strangers only to discover there's a hair in my eggs. This weekend while I'm here, I plan to observe a few individuals in this place just as a personal experiment to see if I'm the only sane one here... Someone just announced on the intercom that food has arrived so I'm going to be done writing; chow for now journal.
Entry 2: Saturday Morning
I am currently sitting in a window sill looking outside and feeling the sun from the window, now I know what an indoor cat feels like. This morning at breakfast was really odd but interesting. I didn't sit at my usual spot in the corner because like I wrote previously, I'm on a mission to scope out if there's anyone else that is just here for a minor situation like me. I decided to sit by a girl close to my age named Monica and besides her loud voice and her obsession of keeping everything neat and in perfect condition (I'm pretty sure she has OCD), she doesn't seem too bad, or so I thought at first. This morning at breakfast though she asked everyone to make sure the spoons and forks were on the right side of your tray. Monica also made a big deal about putting a napkin on her lap and even decided to whisper to me, which by the way she was totally violating my personal space, that she finds it absolutely disgusting that people don't sanitize their utensils before using them. After she addressed her issue, she then proceeded to pull out a mini bottle of off brand germX, put it on her napkin, then wiped her fork and spoon with it! Her plastic fork and spoon were covered in nasty cleaning alcohol and I'm almost one hundred percent positive that it is absolutely not edible. She offered her germX to me and I politely declined. After breakfast, Monica started following me around and asking me to help her clean up the day room, which is what the room is called where we ate breakfast. I didn't want to be rude so I helped her, the messes we were picking up wasn't even ours and I thought that was sweet of her to come up with that idea, but then it started to get weird. She was germXing everything with a napkin again, even underneath the table. I seriously think she is addicted to her germX because when I glanced over at Monica, she was just squirting it into her mouth like a ketchup bottle! I had the weirdest look on my face and she caught me staring at her with it and get this, she offered me some AGAIN! I mentioned to Monica that it's really unhealthy for her to be consuming the cleaner and she laughed, smiled a little obnoxiously, and muttered something under her breath. To be honest, I don't even want to know what she said because after her eating germX countless amounts of times, I just said fuck it, I'm done cleaning and walked out of the day room. There's an activity going on in about twenty minutes, I think I'm going to go and see if there's anyone else I can meet besides Monica, she is unbelievably weird and she definitely belongs in here. Okay, that was a little harsh. I truly believe everyone has bad habits, maybe I'm being too judgemental of Monica. Anyways, breakfast and the event following was a little out of my comfort zone but I'm having fun observing the other patients, it's actually quite humorous to see for myself why they were put in here. Peace out journal.
Entry 3: Good News
The nurse just told me there's going to be a doctor here tomorrow to evaluate me and most likely send me home early. Life is great at the moment. I also spilled the beans that Monica is excessively eating germX and she got it taken away. I feel really bad but it really wasn't healthy for her to be consuming cleaning alcohol. She told me that I better check myself and watch my back. She doesn't scare me though because this girl is getting out tomorrow! What what! The group today was really good, too but more of that later. Lunch is here.
Entry 4: Phoebe and Joey
Lunch was good, but Monica kept glaring at me and she even pretended to stab me with her plastic fork. I couldn't help but laugh because she is being tremendously ridiculous. Anyways, I sat by a guy named Joey and a girl named Phoebe. They were both extremely nice and funny. As soon as I sat down, Joey goes "How you dooooin," and it really made me laugh. He's kind of cute too! Another thing that made me giggle were Phoebe's songs she's been writing. She says she's really good at playing the guitar and even performs in a coffee shop on her spare time. She could be lying though, she seems kind of crazy. One of her songs that she wrote this morning goes like this: My pants are too long/ I need my thongs/ and my thongs I mean flip flops because I don't have shower shooooooes. It's actually pretty catchy. Phoebe also told me that she once had a pet rat that she saved from an ally and it had rat babies and she lost them in her apartment. She seems really unique. She seems like she has a little bit of ADHD or ADD, one of the two. She never stops talking and she says literally whatever she wants, most of it is just story telling. Phoebe told me that she has the hots for Joey and that they kissed last night in the laundry room. I asked Joey if it were true later that day and he laughed so hard he started crying. Then he told me they made up a rumor that they kissed because they were both bored and wanted to see how fast the word would travel. These people in here mean well, they really do, but they are incredibly weird. I'm just overly excited to get out of here. I don't want to lose my mind like the people in here.
Entry 5: Leaving
The doctor that came in said I could pack my things and get out today! The first thing I want to do when I get out of here is see my sister and tell her I'm sorry for making her think I was going to kill myself, wow… I still think that's crazy. The people in here really made the time go by fast but in reality, I hope I never see them again. Monica came up to me after she found out that I was leaving and told me she better not run into me in the real world because I have another thing coming. All I can say is, I hope she stops eating her GermX. Overall, this experience has given me a different opinion on a mental institute because despite the very odd people, the staff and most of the patients treated me well for the most part. I'm currently waiting for my sister to pick me up, hopefully I can explain to her that I wasn't meant to be in here. Wish me luck, journal.
Entry 6: The End
So it's been three days since I got out of the hospital. I haven't been taking my meds and to be honest I don't think I will, I just don't see a point to it now. My sister still hasn't contacted me since I got out and I'm done reaching out. I am sitting on the same bridge where she found me before admitting me into the institute; except this time she won't stop me from getting the job done. I've been contemplating jumping for about three hours now and I finally have the courage to go through with it. To all my family, I love you.
