As I walk up to the house, Anna, Luke, Tracy, Pearl, and Kendra all greet me on the porch. I look at all of them and notice Luke staring at me.
"Hey guys, I'm back." I said.
Luke was staring at me. "Where did you go?", he asked. He didn't look too good from when I last saw him. He used one crutch to hold himself up.
"I thought this program wasn't for me, so I went to Arizona to see my mom and Olive."
Anna patted my arm and said, "Glad you're back. It's weird having Megan gone, but even weirder when you were too." Then Anna went inside, and I could vaguely hear her footsteps going up the stairs. Kendra and Tracy soon followed Anna inside and I could faintly hear them talking about Megan and how much they wish she was back.
"So you're back…" Luke said, while shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Yeah, I figured it's for the best. I want to do better…" I shrugged.
"Do you really?"
"Yes...when I was out in Arizona, I nearly died. Believe it or not, but you were there." I took a couple of steps over to the seating area that was right next to the front door and motioned for him to sit down. "I can't really explain what happened, but I want to do better now."
"Alright...well you're feeling okay, right?"
"Yeah, I'm okay. But I could really go for a Goo Goo Cluster Bar right now…"
"No need to worry about that!" And pulls out two of my favorite candy bar. He hands me one and starts to open the one meant for him.
"Thanks." I smile, and slowly open the wrapper it came in. I put my nose to the little opening I made and inhaled deeply. The chocolate smells rich, it's surface bumpy because of the peanuts within it. I take a small bite and look over at Luke and see that he's already finished his. "Did you shove the whole thing in your mouth?" I asked.
"You bet I did, I can't get enough of these babies!" He said with his mouth still full. "It's so beautiful out today."
I couldn't agree more. I looked around at the neighbors houses and lawns, there were birds chirping in the distance. I take another small bite of the candy bar and wrap it back up, not having an appetite like I did when I first wanted it.
"What? You're not going to eat all of it?" Luke asked.
"No I am, just later." I get up and walk inside. There was a new clock on the wall that read 4:49 p.m. Almost dinner time.
I go upstairs to my room, and Pearl is sitting criss cross on her bed, with a bunch of stuffed animals out. I walk over to my end table near my bed and set the candy bar on it.
"What'chya got there?" Pearl asks while she continuously messes with her stuffed animals on her bed.
"A Goo Goo Cluster. Luke gave it to me."
"Oh, nice." She gets up and walks out of the room. Minutes later I hear yelling from Retta saying that it was dinner time.
It was Thursday, so what was brought out for dinner was meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and cheesy broccoli. I took small portions of all the food that was brought out since I didn't request anything to eat. I listened in to Pearl, Anna, and Luke talk about a new trip Dr. Beckham set up for this coming weekend.
"What is this place again?" Pearl asked.
"I think Dr. Beckham said we were going to an history museum but he didn't exactly say where." Luke said as he took a big bite of his mashed potatoes.
"It's gonna be interesting. I think it's like a World War 2 history museum honestly." Anna stated.
Oh great, I thought. A history lesson from Dr. Beckham.
"I do agree, it should be interesting. What do you think, Eli?" Luke asked, as he noticed I was listening in to their conversation.
"I don't know, I mean, it could be interesting I guess." I quickly shoved the rest of my food in my mouth and got up to put my dishes away in the sink. I go back into the dining room and grab whatever was leftover and any empty plates and start cleaning up.
After cleaning up dinner, I went up stairs and get ready for bed while everyone else is downstairs in the living room watching the same show that they always watch that's about dragons. I sit down in the middle of my bed and pull my sketchbook from underneath my bed and start drawing. I started drawing from a memory of Luke when he was dancing in the rain on one of the trips Beckham had all of us inpatient go on. I first drew his body, the way he held his hat in his hand up in the air and his feet crisscrossed. I then drew on his v-neck t-shirt and skinny jeans. I finished shading the jeans when I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. I turn the page to a new one and start doodling different types of flowers. The footsteps keep getting closer and closer and I look up to Luke standing in the doorway.
"What are you drawing?" He asked while he peeks his head over my shoulder.
"Different types of flowers." I say, as I start to draw a sunflower.
"Can I see your other drawings?"
"Um, no, you can't, I'm sorry." I say, as I put my pencil in the crease of my sketchbook and start to close it.
"Oh...well b*tch and bull is tomorrow morning at 8." He said, then starts to walk out of the doorway.
Great, a morning session, I thought. I never understood them or why we have to share our 'struggles' and our 'victories'. It doesn't even help me and Luke was right about what he said about the sessions when I first met him; they're a bunch of bs. I reopen my sketchbook and continue with the memory of Luke that I was drawing. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs again, and turn the page to the drawings of flowers. I hear a knock and look up to see Retta standing in the middle of the doorway.
"So since you've already been showing improvement and making points since you got here, I chatted with and he's allowing you to have your ipad for the night. But it can only be used to draw. And it's only for the night." She said, as she pulls my silver ipad from behind her back, handing it to me.
"Oh, well thanks." I say, as I stare at the reflection of myself in the ipad. I could see how sunken in my cheeks and eyes are from not eating.
"If you keep this up, you can keep it. I'm glad you're back, Eli." And walks out and down the stairs.
I continue to stare at my reflection within the ipad, thinking about the time I got the note from the anorexia girl's parents who slit her wrists. I put my ipad on my end table, turned off the lamp, got under the covers, and closed my eyes. I must have fallen asleep because I started dreaming about when we went on the Beckham's trip and woke to a noise near Anna's bed. I slowly prop myself up on my elbows and look over near Anna's bed to find her on her knees barfing into her barf bag she hides under her bed. She doesn't notice that she woke me up, so I wrap the blanket back up onto my shoulders, turn to my side, and go back to sleep. The next day, I wake up feeling refreshed, happy. I go to my dresser to grab some clothes and my hairbrush and go to the bathroom to take a shower. Once I finished my shower, I brushed through my hair thoroughly, threw my dirty pajamas and in the laundry basket, and go downstairs for breakfast. Last night I put in a request for scrambled eggs, toast with jelly, and orange juice. I only ate a bite out of my toast and none of my eggs. I don't have an appetite at all this morning. I finished off the glass of orange juice, got up and took my dishes in the kitchen and put them in the skin then went into the living room to sit down. Normally right before lunch we do BMI weight checks, which are right after our morning sessions.
After breakfast, we had, as Luke would call it, b*tch and bull. I wasn't really paying much attention to what was going on until the morning session therapist, Karen, got to me.
"Eli, how are you? What are your victories and struggles you're having?"
"Um, well. Struggle, I don't have an appetite. Victory, I ate all of my dinner last night." I didn't know what else to think of so I threw that out.
"Good, good. But you're feeling better?"
"I feel fine." I looked down at my nails and started picking at them until Karen moved on from me.
Later on in the day, Luke and I went outside to swing. I sat down on the swing and Luke starts to push me so I can get more air. When I was high enough, he stopped pushing me and sat down eight feet in front of me. I looked up at the baby blue sky, while leaning backwards with my feet in the air. I closed my eyes and stayed like that until I slowed down. When I got to a complete stop, I got up and motioned for Luke to sit in it. I held out my hand for him to grab and pulled him up. "Your turn." I smiled, and went behind him to push him.
"What do you want to do with your life, Eli?" He asked as he started to get more air.
I stopped pushing him. "Uh, well I went to college for art and dropped out. I would like to go back one day, but I'm not ready yet. What about you?"
"Well I don't know anymore. I know I want you in my life…"
"Luke-"
"Just listen to me. I can help you...I know I can. Just let me try. Come with me, let's leave and never come back." He was begging. He reaches out and grabs my hand, entwining his with mine. I don't understand what we exactly are and I definitely don't know how I feel about his proposition.
"Where would we go?"
"Wherever. Let's go to a city. Let's go to New York." His eyes lit up at the thought.
"What would we tell the others, Luke? I just got back…" I untwined my hand from his, got my pack of cigarettes out, and lit one. "Why do you want to leave?" I asked.
"I dropped in weight since when you left. No one else is getting better, you were right when before you left for Arizona. Tracy keeps throwing up in the plants again after we eat. Basically when you left, everything turned into a sh*t show."
I stopped to think. If I chose to stay, it would be a fifty-fifty chance that I could get better. But if I just stopped acting how I was every time Luke showed affection towards me, maybe he really could help me? Maybe I could help him? "Well let me sit on it and think, I just got back." I let go of Luke's hand and walked inside. I already knew my answer.
A couple of weeks pass since when I returned to Mr. Beckham's patient house. I've been gaining 4 pounds every 5 days and just the thought of it makes my stomach upset. I was outside sitting down on the front porch steps, waiting for everyone to finish their breakfast so we can get going on this dumb trip Mr. Beckham has planned for us. We go once every month on little trips to cool places. Last month we went to this history museum about World War II and this month Beckham is taking us to some lame park. I pulled out a cigarette from my pocket and tried lighting it with my crappy purple lighter. After about seven tries, it finally lit. I got up from the steps and started to walk down the sidewalk leading to the house. When I got to the t-intersection of the sidewalk, I turned right. I never really got to walk around the neighborhood since I didn't earn any points when I first came here. I took note of my surroundings so I could remember my way back to the house. I was about 5 blocks away from the inpatient house when I started hearing yelling in the backyard of someone's house.
"What the hell are you doing, Will?" A woman cried.
"What I should have done when I first found out about you having that affair with Gregory and stealing from me." A man yelled back. Pop, pop, pop!
I stopped dead in my tracks. Gunshots, those were gunshots! He's killed her! A man in a wife beater came around the corner of the house and stops dead in his tracks when he sees me. My whole body turns to ice. His facial expression changes and he points his gun at me, slowly walking towards me.
"What do you think you're doing little miss?" The man says as he puts one foot in front of the other.
"Just… uh-walking."
"Oh really? What all did you hear? You gonna call the cops?" He pulls a flask from his back jeans pocket and takes a swig.
"Um, no. I'm going to finish my w-" POP. I dropped to the ground, unable to feel my legs. The bullet went straight through my stomach and hit my spine.
The man walks up to me, gun still aimed at me. "You're a pretty thing, aren't ya?" He aims at my leg and shoots. Pop!
"Go...to...hell." I say, as I start to cough up blood. "What did I ever do to you?" Sirens start going off. The man puts the gun behind his back and makes a run for it down the street.
I lay there, waiting, hoping in my pool of blood for someone to come in time to save me.
