A/N This one is supposed to be a bit of a laugh, tongue in cheek type thing. Also I've never been to America so have no idea of the geography around New York or what types of houses are typical.


Flack, Danny, Hawkes and Adam were all sat in the break room of the Crime Lab on a Wednesday morning In New York City. To anyone who dared enter the room for a coffee they were faced with four of the most miserable faces known to mankind. The day outside was humid and sticky and all four men were suffering from the heat. Not that it was hot in the lab, of course, it just happened that each of them had had rather a nasty experience due to the sun recently.

Tuesday had been Sheldon Hawkes' day off and he'd gone to the park with his girlfriend Camille for a picnic. They rarely ever had a day off together and this was to be a relaxing, romantic break for them. He'd planned it all down to the last detail; sandwiches, cakes, strawberries, champagne, a wicker basket, red and white checked cloth...it was going to be perfect. They'd arrived in the middle of the day, when the sun was at its peak and chosen a decent shady spot in a rather secluded area of the park so they would have a certain amount of privacy. Unfortunately neither of them had accounted for the unwanted guests that had arrived. Wasps. Wasps everywhere. Wasps enjoying the jam in the sandwiches, wasps enjoying the frosting on the cakes and wasps enjoying Hawkes' face which they had attacked when he'd tried to waft them away with his arms. He'd only received three stings but it was enough for his face to swell up like a balloon and they'd ended up spending the rest of their romantic day off together in the hospital. Hawkes was left with a swollen and aching face and a very foul mood indeed.

Danny Messer had spent the same day in the lab working hard on some evidence and had been pleased with the results. He'd single-handedly managed to crack the case that would put the killer behind bars for a very long time. He'd been in such a good mood when he got home that he'd had a nasty shock when the front door was violently opened before he'd even had a chance to turn the key in the lock. His wife stood in front of him, face grubby and blackened, hair all of a mess and a nasty smell coming from inside. After listening to her yell at him for forty minutes straight about how to be a responsible adult and how much of a dumbass he was, he managed to ascertain that a small fire had broken out in their apartment. Luckily it had been caught before anything had been destroyed, bar a couple of unlucky scientific journals that had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. However a large chunk of one of their lounge walls was now black and an awful 'burnt' smell hung around the whole place. The icing on the cake was when Lindsay informed him that it had been caused by a pair of glasses that had been left on the windowsill and the hot sun shining brightly through them had caught some papers on fire. Lindsay had promptly taken Lucy and gone to stay round his Ma's until he re-decorated the entire lounge and got rid of the smell. As he lay in bed alone that night, his good mood from earlier in the day had completely disappeared.

Adam Ross had spent the same Tuesday out at a scene listening and learning to hopefully qualify as a CSI soon. Jo had been with him but purely in a supervisory role while he did all the processing. Sweat rolled down his face and back as he worked in the heat and at one point he wondered if the awful stench that hung around them was actually him, rather than the dead body lying next to him. It had been a long, painstaking scene to work on, a lot of glass had been involved which needed to be collected up and then just as he was finishing Jo discovered another body in a dumpster in the alley he'd been working in. Whether the two deaths were connected or pure coincidence was anyone's guess at that point. It took him another two hours after that before he managed to finish up. Two hours which he spent in stinking garbage and boiling hot sunshine. Finally, however, he made it back to the lab and went for a cool shower and change of clothes. It was only when he stepped out of the shower and looked at himself in a mirror that he realised his face was bright red, almost puce with sun-burn and that he had two perfect white rings around his eyes from his shades. To top that he had a date tonight at a posh restaurant with his girlfriend Michelle. He was not in a good mood.

Don Flack had spent the whole of Tuesday questioning the tenants of an apartment block in a less-than-pleasant area of the city. It had started off alright with the first few actually being rather cooperative until one little old lady invited him in for a cup of tea. Never accept tea from little old ladies, he'd told himself afterwards, it only led to trouble. He'd sat in her musty smelling apartment being bored to death by stories of her son and whenever he tried to steer the conversation back to the dead man found in her building she'd somehow always manage to get it back to her boy. Then her cat had come into the room and that was it. Flack scarpered. After that, it all went downhill. He'd been spat on, sworn at, hit with a handbag (twice), had a screaming baby thrust into his arms, a dog peed on his leg, he'd been propositioned to join 'spanking time' by a man with rather questionable intentions and that wasn't even the worst of it. At one door the drunken teenager who answered had promptly thrown up all over his shirt. Flack nearly arrested him right there and then for assaulting a police officer. When he'd finally got to the last apartment the tenant had run out of the fire-escape and up onto the roof. Flack had raced after him, always annoyed when he had to run, and chased the kid over three rooftops and back down the stairs of a different building before he caught him. It hadn't specifically been the heat which had caused him his awful day but after returning to the precinct stinking of sweat, puke and urine and having all his fellow detectives laugh at him, he'd decided the heat made people do funny things. Yes, it was definitely the heat, and he was not a happy bunny.

"So has Lindsay forgiven you yet?" asked Hawkes as he clasped his hands tightly together, trying to refrain from scratching or touching any of his stings. They only hurt more if he touched them.

"Yeah, she'd cooled off by this morning and actually thought it was pretty funny. I gotta redecorate the whole place now otherwise she won't move back in," Danny replied.

"Ha," snorted Flack at the thought of Danny and DIY.

"Dunno why you're laughing, Flack, cos you'll be helping me," Danny glared.

"What?" Flack asked, immediately dropping his laughter.

"You owe me for that time I helped you move into your new place," Danny stated matter-of-factly.

Flack groaned and banged his head on the table where he let it rest.

"So how much of your stuff got destroyed?" asked Hawkes, staring at the top of Flack's head.

"Not much. Just a few books and papers," grumbled Danny.

"And your glasses," Flack added, speaking into the table top.

Danny sighed and pulled his glasses out of his shirt pocket. They weren't exactly burnt, more of warped and disfigured.

"They were my only pair and now I gotta wear my contacts all the time or be blind. My new pair won't be ready for a week!" he whinged. "I think that's why Linds found the whole thing so funny."

"Dare you to put them on," Flack said suddenly as he sat back up and stared at Danny.

Danny turned his nose up at Flack in defiance and immediately placed the warped frames on his nose. He did look rather funny with them on and his eyes appeared gigantic behind the glass. Flack sniggered but the other two men kept silent. Neither of them were really feeling the mood for fun and jokes.

"Funny how something as small as a pair of glasses can ruin so many people's days," Adam mused aloud.

"Didn't you put any sun block on?" asked Danny incredulously.

"For the a millionth time, no. I didn't realise it was going to be such a sweltering day and I was focusing on not messing up so much, I kinda didn't realise how strong the sun was!" Adam said irritably.

"How'd your date go then?" asked Flack.

"Hmmm..." Adam hummed nervously.

"Hmmm?" prompted Hawkes.

"Michelle couldn't stop laughing at me so I went home," Adam said grumpily.

"You just left her at the restaurant?" scoffed Hawkes.

"Her laughing was making it worse. People were staring!" Adam excused.

"Can't believe you just left her there, man," said Hawkes, shaking his head.

"Oh, cos your date went so well," Adam retorted.

Hawkes immediately blushed, not that anyone could tell due to his already red face, and he clasped his hands tighter. "I err...well..."

"You did spend the whole day in the hospital. Mmm so romantic," chuckled Danny.

"Yeah, isn't Camille a nurse? Doesn't she work at the hospital?" joined in Flack.

"Hey, I was injured, guys, not just embarrassed like sun-burn here," Hawkes defended, shooting Adam a look.

"Aww by a couple of buzzy bees?" sniggered Flack.

"Wasp stings can kill actually," Hawkes said seriously.

"Or make you look like the elephant man..." mumbled Flack under his breath. Hawkes glared at him as best he could considering his swollen features.

"Still can't believe you spent your day off together at her work," Danny muttered.

"Hey, do you guys smell that?" Adam said suddenly, interrupting the conversation.

"Don't look at me," Danny replied quickly. "I made sure I showered in the lab when I got in this morning and I'm wearing the clothes I keep in my locker. I officially do not smell of burnt!"

"Yeah, but there's something," Adam persisted.

"Yeah, I can smell it too," Hawkes agreed. "Don't worry, Danny, it doesn't smell like bonfires," he added when the other CSI glared at him.

All four men paused and sniffed the air. There was indeed a very strange smell surrounding them in the break room. Ever so slowly, three heads turned to stare at Flack who blushed almost as red as Adam's sunburn.

"Alright, it's me. I know. It's this damn dog pee, I can't get rid of it," he moaned.

"Flack, man. You need to wash," Danny stated wisely.

Flack looked at him sourly. "I did. I showered like ten times and had to chuck away my jeans and new boots. But I think it musta soaked through, like into my skin or something, cos it just won't go away."

For the first time all three men laughed loudly at Flack who looked rather irritated by them.

"Look, it's bad enough all the guys at the station are calling me 'Detective Dog-pee' now, I don't need it from you as well," he glared at them.

"Detective Dog-pee," sniggered Danny hysterically. "I'll remember that one."

Flack scowled at him angrily.

"Sorry, man, it's just so funny," Hawkes laughed.

"Yeah, says the scientist who's scared of a couple of bees, the one who sets his own apartment on fire with his glasses and the one who looks like a damn tomato," Flack growled.

Immediately their faces dropped and all four men sat in miserable silence again.

Lindsay smiled to herself as she walked into the breakroom and noticed the four unhappy faces, two of which were bright red.

"It's Pinky and Perky," she laughed, "times two!"

Four angry looks were cast her way and she hurriedly left the room, deciding she could go a bit longer without coffee.

"You need to tell your wife she's not funny," Flack ground out.

"Like she listens to me," Danny moaned back.

"Whipped," muttered Flack under his breath.

"What did you say?" asked Danny, temper flaring.

"Hey guys, chill," Adam said nervously.

"Not even funny, Adam," Hawkes sighed.

"Yeah, how're we supposed to chill in this heat? I can't even sleep," Flack whined.

"Nightmares again?" snorted Danny, teasing Flack again to rid himself of his bad mood.

"I don't have nightmares," Flack informed them all.

"Oh yeah? What about the spiders?" asked Danny knowingly, waggling his fingers at Flack and laughing as a shiver ran through the taller man's frame.

"They can kill you, you said so yourself!" Flack retorted.

"I can't believe you're scared of spiders, Flack," laughed Hawkes.

"At least I'm not scared of ghosts, science-guy!" Flack replied, smiling happily.

"What?!" cried Adam and Danny at the same time.

"Yeah. Me, Jo and Hawkes were out on a case a few years back and Hawkes here says ghosts did it and that he gets spooked cycling in the park at night!" laughed Flack loudly, his bad mood forgotten.

"Ghosts? Really, Hawkes?" Danny chuckled.

"Some things you just can't explain," Hawkes reasoned, shrugging his shoulders.

"Nah," said Danny in fits of laughter, shaking his head.

"Lindsay told me you were scared of snakes, Danny," Adam said quietly, not wanting to be left out of the teasing.

Flack and Hawkes both stared at Danny for a second and then simultaneously burst out into more laughter.

"Considering you just teased us about spiders and ghosts, snakes is just as bad, Mess," Flack stated.

"Oh yeah, well I believe you're scared of ghosts too, Flack," Danny grinned. "I remember Stella telling me you wouldn't go into some monastery without her cos you were scared of ghosts. She mentioned something about holding your hand..."

Flack immediately stopped laughing and looked embarrassed.

"Woah, so now it all comes out. Big, bad Detective Flack is scared of ghosts and spiders. List just keeps on getting longer," Hawkes laughed.

"You can add coyotes to it as well," Danny chipped in causing even more laughter among everyone except Flack.

"Hey! Okay, so maybe spooky old buildings get me a little nervous, and spiders and coyotes are just dangerous!" Flack said seriously. "But I'm no science guy, you lot shouldn't be scared of anything!"

"I'm not," squeaked Adam.

All three men rolled their eyes at the timid man. "You're scared of everything," Hawkes pointed out.

"And we all remember the incident with the aliens," Flack added.

"I believe in aliens, I'm not scared of them," Adam stated.

All three men pondered in silence for a while at what Adam could possibly be scared of before Danny suddenly had an idea. It was so obvious really.

"You're scared of Mac."

Hawkes, Flack and Danny all burst out laughing at the smaller man's discomfort.

Walking past the breakroom, Lindsay smiled to herself at the laughter she heard. "Well it's about time," she muttered to herself.


A/N In case anyone is interested in references for the facts of who is scared of what in the chapter:-

1x15 Til Death Do We Part – Aiden and Stella tease Flack that he's scared of ghosts when he won't go into a supposedly haunted building without them.

2x03 Zoo York and 5x03 Turbulence - I'm assuming everyone knows this but both episodes mention Flack being allergic to cats. Meow!

7x08 Scared Stiff– Hawkes says he thinks ghosts could be responsible for the victim's death and then details some examples of ghostly experiences, including his own. Flack and Jo are amused by him.

7x08 Scared Stiff – Whilst walking through the park Flack is concerned about 'the spiders' and Danny teases Flack that he's scared of 'itty-bitty spiders'. They both discuss how coyotes are dangerous.

8x13 The Ripple Effect– Danny is scared of snakes and jumps about on the ground in panic when Lindsay tells him he's standing next to one. She calls him a city boy.

9x06 The Lady in the Lake - Adam believes in aliens and spends the whole episode convinced he has found proof of them, which he hasn't.