Okay, this one is a story that SlenderPanda597 and me are writing together, so half of the credit always to her! :)
We hope you enjoy this one, leave us some constructive criticism!
"Chrm chrm!"
Oh no, I am having this horrible dream again!, Rolanda thought as she slowly turned away from her class to face the pink figure in front of her.
"Madam Hooch?"
Damn, seems pretty real!
"Professor Umbridge, what a pleasure to see you!", Rolanda said with her best false smile on her face while the fingers of her right hand sensed the presence of her wand in the pocket of her jeans. Wait – jeans? Oh damn it, why had this pink toad had to choose today for her damn inspection, just as the house elves had unfortunately messed up the laundry, leaving her without any of her usual flying robes, forcing her to wear normal clothes. Damn it! Rolanda cursed inwardly as these disgusting eyes wandered over the appearance of the Quidditch mistress and then she scribbled something down on her note board.
"I would like to watch your lessons today, Madam Hooch. You may already heard about the fact that I am testing the whole faculty about their efficiency at teaching their classes", said Umbridge with a smile that could have turned someone into a diabetic. Oh yes, Rolanda had already heard about that – she had never seen Severus being so... well, close to kill someone wearing the colour pink and that was remarkable considering that Lockhart had been teaching at Hogwarts. Minerva had not been amused after the inspection of Transfigurations as well and if these two had their problems – what would happen to her? Think positive, girl, think positive...
"Why of course you may, Professor," Rolanda turned to face her class. If the pink toad was going to ridicule her for wearing jeans, she would show her. She wanted to addressed the class as another "Chrm chrm" sounded.
"What can I do for you, Dolores?", Rolanda asked, trying hard to practice her patience. The pink toad tapped her quill against the parchment and said:"There are a few questions I would like to ask you first! How long have you been teaching here at Hogwarts?"
"For about 7 years now, shortly after I left professional Quidditch", Rolanda answered.
"So... what had been your qualifications for the job?", the toad wanted to know and Rolanda felt a muscle in her own jaw twitch involuntarily and someone even muttered"Did she ever read a Quidditch guide?!"
"8 years in the League, thereof 3 with the Tutshill Tornados and 5 with the Holyhead Harpies, won the league 4 times, two times World Champion with the Irish National Team, decorated Quidditch Player of the year twice, four time chaser of the year", Rolanda listed down, her fist getting tighter around the wand in her pocket, already searching for some nasty spell to cast on the pink unimpressed thing, but fortunately (or unfortunately) she seemed to have no further questions.
"Now, class, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, wasting valuable lesson time, today I will be instructing you upon how to successfully avoid collision in the air. Now, you may have noticed my unusual dress today. Well, I have a perfectly honest reason for that - I decided it would be wise to show you what suitable clothes to wear under flying robes are, as it is of the utmost importance that health and safety is taken into consideration, and therefore jeans and a comfortable shirt provide much more sensible attire than skirts or cardigans, for example. Now, mount your brooms please!" Rolanda stole a glance at Umbridge to find her hastily scribbling and scrubbing on her clipboard. Severus had taught her well; all the banter with him had quickened the response of her mind and she was quite pleased at the outcome. Surely The High Inquisitor couldn't dispute health and safety? She made her way over to where the plump pink pig had plonked herself and addressed her as politely as she could.
"Excuse me, Professor, but we will be conducting the rest of the lesson in the air on Broomsticks. I feel that should you wish to get an accurate observation, it may be wise for you to mount a broom also." She fought off a Severus worthy smirk as the woman in front of her turned a startling shade of red and began to splutter.
"Well, erm, dearie, you see, I am not in the appropriate clothing."
"Oh dear, you didn't think wisely before coming to observe a flying lesson did you? Ah well, you'll manage. I can fly in dresses and hats and I am sure such an... Esteemed witch as yourself will manage." She tossed a broom at the witch before turning away laughing quietly to herself. That broom was one of the most uncomfortable that she had in the broom cupboard, and was very hard to ride if you weren't an expert. Rolanda grinned as she mounted her own trusty nimbus.
"Right class, how to avoid collisions!"
Rolanda enjoyed the sight as Umbridge clumsily mounted the broom, nearly tripping over and also dangerously straining the fabric of her ugly skirt in the process. This would be so much fun, she was sure about that as the class pushed off from the ground and as Umbridge did as the others, the broom shook for a moment, then he raced off with a incredible amount of speed. The High Inquisitor let out a loud scream, a high-pitched one that hurt in everyone´s eyes.
"Well, Professor, you must be more certain, show the broom who the boss is!", Rolanda screamed after the pink flash as it passed her. Then the Quidditch mistress turned to her students who were safely hovering in front of her.
"Okay, students. It is always wise to have a watching eye for your surroundings! You are lucky that Professor Umbridge is here today, now we have a unpredictable, potential collision object. Remember to watch out while we are doing our first little avoidance exercises! Quick changes of directions and full braking!"
She could see the pink toad trying to get her bucking broom under control in the corner of her left eye and on her right side the balcony of the Staff Room was visible, a black figure standing on it and she grinned to herself again.
Rolanda led her students around in sharp zigzags for a the remainder of the lesson, expertly instructing them upon how to move quickly and avoid harm, and whenever Umbridge swooped their way, Rolanda was able to demonstrate exactly how to avoid her. Eventually, Rolanda's stopwatch beeped in her pocket, it was time to dismount. She shouted for the students to do so and store their brooms correctly while Rolanda headed towards the woman in pink who looked like she was going to be sick. She also noticed that Severus had gone from the staffroom, and sighed inwardly. It was breaktime now, and he normally stayed there the entire break as she would chat to him when she arrived. She hovered gently next to Umbridge and addressed her.
"Professor, the lesson is over now. Shall I lend you the broom for a longer flight over break or are you going to dismount?"
"You wretched woman you gave me a faulty broom!"
"Not at all, Professor. Here, allow me to show you." Rolanda levitated The High Inquisitor off her broom and down towards the ground. Rolanda wanted to laugh and puke at once at her skirt blew up in the breeze as Rolanda directed her downwards. Rolanda stayed hovering on her broom above the pink toad.
"Now, I wouldn't allow any students to do this, but I will show you now, Professor, as I am qualified." Rolanda lifted her leg from her broom and looped it over the broom Umbridge had been sat on, grabbing her broom in one hand and holding the second broomstick with her other, Rolanda mounted fully and held her broomstick by her. Tapping it with her wand so it flew to her office she smiled down.
"See, Professor? I was able to air mount this broom and hover perfectly well on it. Now, if you will excuse me," Rolanda made a full circuit of the area. "See, you just need to have sufficient control of the broom. You must have lost your touch." She smiled, edging her voice with a slightly patronising tone. Umbridge's face was the colour of Satan as Rolanda dismounted safely.
"You fixed that, you fixed that! I bet it just works for you, doesn't it? I demand another member of staff use the broom!"
"But there is nobody here!" Umbridge suddenly grinned at the quidditch instructor's last remark before responding.
"Oh, but there is. Hello Severus! Can you come here a moment?"
Rolanda lost the control over her lineaments for a few seconds, but she had a perfectly neutral expression on her face as Umbridge turned to her again while Severus walked over, his cloaks ever so impressively billowing around him.
"What can I do for you, Professor Umbridge?", he asked with a uninterested voice, giving Rolanda a small nod as a greeting. The flying instructor was sure that he could see through her calm façade right into her racing mind – she tried to figure out if Severus would be able to control that broom! For Merlins sake, he was a good flyer, he had already refereed a game for her, but flying this broom was something completely different. And everybody knew how nasty he could get and considering what could happen if he was not able to fly this thing... she would always sleep with one eye open! And what if he had a bad day? Was the line above his nose showing? Gosh, it did! Rolanda gulped, panicking a little bit – she would never have a silent minute again! She was even sure that Severus and Umbridge would team up to make her life hell on earth!
"Severus", said Dolores, summoning her note board and writing down something while she spoke. "I need you to test this broom! I have the suspicion that Miss Hooch is trying to fool me about her skills and has made fun of me in front of her class!"
Wait, where is my respect form?! Damn, I think I am already on her list... soon I will be on Severus' too...
