Date: 20 July 2011

I hate writing in my diary, yet I am here writing. It's been a month since I haven't heard Christian. My hope is not as strong as it was. I don't believe that I will see Christian again, not after his funeral. Tears are forming in my eyes as I remember that rainy day, and all those people dressed in black, not only their clothes were black but their sad faces as well. The day I saw the man, that I love unmoving and breathless destroyed me, I still feel the hurt in my entire body. People say I'll feel better with time, but time is not helping, because my heart is still bleeding. Nothing can ease the hurt. I love Christian too much to let him go... I love him with all my heart and soul and I lost him...

I close my diary and place it on my chest and wrap my arms around it. I can't write anymore, not when my eyes are too wet and filled with tears, and my chest is in pain. I close my eyes and pull myself into a ball hugging my own legs on the bed that I used to sleep on it with Christian . The smell of cologne and Christian is still present in the room, and the mere thought that this smell will disappear sometime shake me inside and out. Time is making me feel more pain as it steals more and more of Christian, leaving me only with memories that I was once happy with him.

I cried on the bed until I had no more force and then I fall asleep. Even sleep is not keeping me apart from pain because every time I close my eyes I dream the same thing. I dream the way was crushed Charlie Tango. The way it took my love and hope. The way Christian died. The oddest thing in my dreams is Christian's voice that whispers

"I love you, Ana. I am still here, look for me"