Sorry I didn't publish this at Christmastime. :/ But let's be honest, is anyone willing to read or watch Christmas-related material at any other time of the year?

If anyone's wondering, this is somewhat based on the Elf on the Shelf special aired back in 2013. It's funny how those people were getting senitmental about a creepy little elf, huh?

The Elf on the Shelf isn't mine. If it were, I'd be in rehab now.


McTuttle Residence

December 8, 2013

17 Days Before Christmas

In the McTuttle house, the first Sunday of December was always dedicated to putting up and then decorating the family Christmas tree. Mom and Dad would wake up early in the morning to put up the tree, then once the family got back from church, they'd take the boxes of ornaments and tinsel down from the attic and to the living room, where the tree had been placed. It was one of the few things the son Taylor enjoyed about Christmastime nowadays, next to Christmas carols and winter break.

Taylor came down the stairs, carrying a box of smaller ornaments. He could hear his sisters Kendyl and Caroline chattering loudly and excitedly from the kitchen. This year, the girls were going to make a garland from popcorn. Dad would help them, of course.

"Here's another box, Dad," Taylor said, placing the box on the coffee table. "I think it's got some ornaments I made when I was little."

"Okay, son," Dad said, poking his head out from the kitchen. "Where's your mother?"

"Getting another box, I think." Taylor took the lid off the box and reached down for an ornament.

Bang! Something banged against the front door. It took Taylor by surprise. "What was that?" he cried. "Dad? Mom? Did you hear that?"

"I did!" Caroline cried.

"Me, too!" Kendyl added.

"Oh, I think I know what it is," Mom said as she came down the stairs, box in arms. "Kendyl, Caroline, can you get the door?" she called.

"Yes, Mom!" Kendyl and Caroline yelled. Dressed in matching spotted dresses, the two girls raced out of the kitchen, past Taylor, and to the front door and opened it. The two girls squealed delightedly.

"Oh my gosh! It's here, it's here!" they were screaming as they carried a box wrapped in polka-dotted paper to the coffee table. They were quick to unwrap it, and Taylor's eyes widened when he saw that it was...

"An Elf on the Shelf?!" he cried.

"Our very own Elf on the Shelf!" the twins cried joyously, holding the box up. "Santa sent it to us."

Taylor almost grimaced at the sight of the infamous Elf on the Shelf. The elf was dressed in what could best be described as red footie pajamas, with a red pointed cap on the top of its head, white mittens on its hands, and a white collar that looked to be a cross between a jabot and a ruff arounds it neck. Its ever-so long legs were drawn up to its chest, and its ever-so long arms were wrapped around the knees. Its eyes were looking upward towards Caroline with a smile that was way too guileless to make it cute.

Taylor had heard about the Elf on the Shelf long before today. One of his friends at school had had one out for a couple of Christmases. Those elves (if they could be called elves, because elves shouldn't dress in footie pajamas and hug their knees and look innocent) came into existence based on a story written by a mother and daughter pair. The story was allegedly based on the legend of how elves would spy on kids around Christmastime and report their observations to Santa Claus so he can dictate who's been naughty and who's been nice. Taylor didn't think any of that was based on a legend. Christmas elves (if they existed) shouldn't be doing things like that. Their job was to make toys and work on Santa's sleigh and feed the reindeer and raise human babies that snuck into Santa's sack of toys by accident. Why would people want these kind of elves spying on their kids? It was bad enough that "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" instilled the belief that Santa watches you all the time, even when you're sleeping.

Creepy little elf.

"It finally came? Thank goodness," said Taylor's dad as he stepped into the living room with the bowl of popcorn garland. "I ordered it the day after Thanksgiving, and the site said it'd be delivered in a few days. I though it'd never come."

"Read the story to us, Daddy!" said Caroline.

"Please, Daddy! Pretty please!" Kendyl begged.

"Okay, okay." Dad sat down in the armchair. "Hand the box over and then have a seat."

As Dad began reading the story, Taylor's mom began decorating. When decorating the Christmas tree in this house, the ornaments came first, then the garland. Taylor helped out. As he hung a plastic candy cane on a branch, he leaned towards his mother.

"Why did we get one?" Taylor hissed at her. "Those things are creepy."

"The girls insisted," Mom replied, keeping her voice low. "And I'm sure this will be a one-time thing. Like how you once left carrots for Santa to give to his reindeer. Remember?"

Taylor did remember that. The carrots had been untouched when he'd gone downstairs Christmas morning. That sight marked the very first time Taylor doubted Santa's existence. He'd been seven then.

"Did you hear that, you two?" Dad called to Taylor and his mom. "In order to get his magic, the elf has to have a name."

"Yeah, let's name him!" said Kendyl.

"He needs to have a good name," added Caroline, pointing to the elf, still in its box.

"Okay," said Taylor. "We'll call him Stinky McStinkpants." He approached the elf. "Hear that? You're name is gonna be Stinky McStinkpants. Now fly back to the North Pole and don't come back."

"No! Not Stinky!" Caroline cried.

"Please don't call him Stinky, Mommy!" Kendyl begged. "Please!"

Mom gave Taylor an admonishing look. "Now Taylor, we shouldn't call our Elf on the Shelf something like Stinky McStinkpants. Or Loser," she added when Taylor opened his mouth to suggest another name. "I'm sure we can do better than that. Let's brainstorm. There's Hoppy and Biscuit, or Sugar and Spice…"

Dad joined in. "Kringle, Doodle, Butters, Wintergreen…"

"How about Prince, or Dazzle?" Kendyl asked.

"No, Kendyl. We should give him a Christmas name!" Caroline objected. "Like Garland, or Mistletoe, or Jolly…"

Taylor rolled his eyes as his family continued thinking of names for their Elf on the Shelf. Fiddlesticks, Jesse, Frisbee, Speedy, Swifty, Angel, Zippy, Mickey, Louie, Alex, Ricky, Buddy, Chewy, Bubbles, Ernie, and Happy were the names suggested by his parents. Ornament, Yule, Fluffy, Squeaky, Tinsel, Silver, Hubert, Jimmy, Elvis, Snappy, Tattle, Windy, Donner, Blitzen, Kris, and Nippy, meanwhile, were the names suggested by the twins. Caroline continued to insist that the elf should have a Christmas name, while Kendyl thought up of non-Christmas ones. At one point, Kendyl complained that they should have gotten a girl elf so they could name her something like Claire or Jane or even Midge. That was before Caroline suggested naming the elf after one of Santa's reindeer.

Taylor took the time to hang a few ornaments on the tree. It felt like an hour before anyone spoke to him.

"Taylor, can you think of anything?" his mom inquired. "Nothing seems to stick!"

"Not really, no," Taylor answered. He placed the snowflake ornament he'd decorated back in kindergarten on a higher branch.

"Come on, son," said Taylor's dad. "Anything at all?"

"Please don't give him a mean name," Taylor heard Caroline mutter.

"I don't really know," Taylor said, trying and failing to not sound irritable. He hung a blue ornament on the tree. "I mean, does it really matter? We could call him something like Spotty or Chippy and it wouldn't make a difference."

"Spotty and Chippy, huh?" Dad wondered. "What do you girls think? Chippy or Spotty?"

"I like Chippy more than Spotty," said Caroline.

"Me, too," said Kendyl. "Chippy the elf sounds a lot better than Spotty the elf. Let's call him Chippy, Mom and Dad."

Dad looked to Mom. "Dear?"

"I like Chippy, too," said Mom, smiling. "So then it's settled. As of right now, our new Elf on the Shelf shall be known as Chippy!"

The girls jumped up and down. "He has a name! He has a name! He can get his magic now!" they chanted.

Taylor frowned at Chippy the Elf on the Shelf. Should've been called Creepy the elf, Taylor thought. Or Nightmare the elf.

Taylor McTuttle was not looking forward to having Christmas with the Elf on the Shelf.