Okay, so I somehow have to start this. My life never been hard, but some shit happened and I had to spend a few days at psych ward. Well, from the beginning I didn't have any mental diseases, but after my "little" breakdown I was diagnosed with a depression. So they prescribed a lot of medicine and appointed a mandatory therapy. I can't say that it didn't help; it did, but only at that time when I was at the doctor's office. After that I had to face all the problems myself. It was hard… I didn't loose my job, though. But the toughest thing was to see your life crumbling away like some sandcastle in the wind and your, so called, friends leave you. And so little by little I became all alone.
I was still going to the therapy , until my therapist, I think her name was Petra, really sweet girl, suggested me readjusting my life, like changing my job or moving to live somewhere else. I didn't want to look rude or something, so I said that I'll consider that idea. To say the truth at that moment I had no intention of doing it. I worked my ass off to get good position at the job. But… when my last friend decided to leave me and with that making me a total loner and outcast, I just thought fuck it.
I decided to change completely but I didn't even know how. A lot of religions say that if you're unsure or have questions you should ask God, but I'm not religious. But I decided to ask someone who was closest to the God, in my opinion, at that time. My therapist. When I opened the office door Petra was sitting by the window, drinking tea ,I guess, and bathing in the sun. At that exact moment she looked like a true deity.
"Hello, Jean." She stood up and with a graceful gesture offered me to sit down at the sofa. "I'm sorry, but I didn't think that you would show up here again." Petra smiled and took her notebook where she used to write notes about my problems.
"Why is that?" I just now realized how husky my voice is, probably due to my smoking addiction.
"After I offer life changes everyone probably assume that if they come again, I would do that over and over again." That woman is probably every man's dream wife; she has this calming and cute aura around her.
"Soo... I considered this option and decided to change completely, move and perhaps change a job. But I've got no idea how." I was analyzing the office and it didn't remind of other doctors' offices. It gave this "you're welcome here and you'll be welcome in the world" vibe. It was the first time I realized that.
"As for moving I would suggest moving closer to the nature, near not very huge town."
I already knew a town that would fit the description.
"What you like to do at your free time? What is your hobby?"
"I used to love to draw… I actually studied art in college." It sounded like I wouldn't really change my job because I worked at the design industry, but in reality what I did for a living, didn't include art.
"Great then, you can be an artist.' Petra tucked a strand of her short hair behind her ear. "I'm really glad for you Jean. Willingness to change shows that you're getting better. Trust me – you will."
I had no idea how to respond to this so I just squeezed out a little awkward smile.
"But meet me once in a while, okay?"
"…'kay."
It's been a while since I've driven such long distance myself, alone with my thoughts which were not very optimistic. I chose a town near my hometown. The main reason was that my mom lived there and I absolutely wasn't ready to meet her in this sorry state.
Well I was quite wealthy so I bought a house near lake, a little further away from the town. I had no expectations to get friends so at least I could be an outcast… without being bothered by people. My stuff was already there, I saw the company's, which transferred my things, van drive back. Then my stomach decided to make dying whale's sounds and that meant only one thing… I had to drive to the store which was almost in the middle of the town.
The shop surpassed my expectations, but it was nowhere close to the malls in Shiganshina. They were huge.
"No way! Is that Jean Kirschtein?!" I was holding a pack of frozen pizza when I heard very familiar voice in the distance.
"Uh… Sasha?" I turned around. She was my… really good friend in high school.
"Where have you been?"
Having a vacation at the psych ward would be 100% true, but after my experiences I went with other answer. "Ah… Just working."
"So what brings you to Jinae?" Red haired woman grabbed something from shelf and threw it into already full cart.
"Got tired of the city I guess?" I shrugged; I would never have thought that I would meet her here, especially here.
"So you're going to live here now?" She looked very optimistic and happy, and maybe I need people like that in my life.
"Yeah… You know that house by the lake?" I awkwardly gestured with my hand.
"Oh yes! I've been wondering who bought it and I can't believe it you!" Sasha eagerly clapped her hands.
Yes Sasha me too.
"I really miss talking to you, so you can stop by anytime." I tried to smile. Well if I was my old self I would be lying about that, but surprisingly I wasn't. I got really tired of pretending not to be home.
"Yes of course! I mean we haven't seen each other since when, high school?"
"Y-yeah."
"I suppose you had quit your former job, so if you're gonna search for it we are going to meet often." She grasped the handle of the shopping cart tightly. "So anyway I have to go. See ya around." She turned the cart around and walked away swinging her hips a little.
Okay Jean you're starting a new life here. Keep your optimistic attitude and don't fuck it up.
