Checking... nope. Still don't own it. Rats.

The Birds and The Bees

Chapter One

"Whatcha doin', Masta?" said Gir, munching on his breakfast, a chocolate bubble gum muffin.

"I am putting the finishing touches on my most INGENIOUS plan yet, Gir," replied Zim, pacing up and down the kitchen, so excited that each time he forgot his wig and contacts lying on the counter. "The Dib worm will not know what he has been hit with! AH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!"

Gir swallowed the last bite of muffin and smiled a smile that crinkled his blue eyes. "I LOOOVES big-headed boy!"

Zim slapped himself on the forehead, shaking his head. "Gir. How. Many times. Do I have to. Go over this with you? The filthy Dib monkey is our ENEMYYYY!"

Gir jumped up on the seat of the chair, stooped down and spun around on his head. "I LOOOVES emenies!"

Zim sighed. He didn't have time for this. He really didn't have time. For one thing, it would help his plan greatly to get to skool well before the bell rang, and for another, if he got detention for being late he would be prevented from unleashing the full amazingness of his plan on the Dibmonkey! Explaining their mission and the threat the Dib posed to it would have to wait until another day.

Zim gave the day's instructions to his robot before heading off to skool, throwing his head back and laughing loudly enough for the whole street to hear him. This was going to be a very good day for ZIM! He had a plan to embarass the Dib monkey beyond all belief...

At about the same moment, Dib marched confidently toward the skoolyard, a smirk on his face and a glint in his eye. This would be the day he would capture Zim once and for all, thereby saving the world. Or at least make Zim look like a total idiot in front of everybody, which was almost as good.

Dib told Gaz to have a good day as she walked away, head down over her Game Slave, before anybody could see her with that raving idiot.

Dib ignored the teases he got as he crossed the skoolyard. They didn't know Zim was an alien, they didn't know he, Dib, was the hero of the earth. They didn't know anything. If he could capture Zim before the bell rang, he would know he was going to have a good day.

Just then, the alien detector Dib had in his pocket began to vibrate like a cell phone. Dib turned around quickly, and sure enough, Zim was now stomping onto the skoolyard.

Dib's pulse quickened with excitement. Oh, which of his many weapons should he use first, the alien sleep cuffs? Or the handheld taser? Or the pepper spray? Perhaps the wire lariat? Or the water pistol?

He had been watching the alien obsessively ever since the day when Zim joined the class and by now, knew what Zim was going to do before the alien himself knew.

And what happened when Zim saw Dib was the last thing Dib had expected.

"DIIIIIB!" shrieked Zim, throwing out his arms as if to hug him, as he began to run towards Dib instead of away from him which he usually did. "COME TO ME YOU FILTHY EARTH WORMBABY!"

Dib was too surprised to do anything for a moment. He was quite unprepared for something like this! Never before had Zim run toward him instead of away, and certainly Zim had never pushed out his lips as if he had wanted to-

"I WILL KISS YOU STINKBEAST!" Zim screamed. "I WILL KIIIIISS YOOOOOOOU!"

Dib's legs finally began to move, and he turned around and fled as fast as he could go.

Zim chased Dib all around the skoolyard, through the playground full of pointing, laughing children, and through the busy parking lot, holding out his arms and smacking his lips loudly the whole time.

Dib ran as fast as he could, ran in panic and in horror. Not only was Zim chasing him instead of the other way around, but Zim wanted to... kiss him? This wasn't the way it was supposed to be!

Dib was relieved beyond words when the skool bell finally rang, and he pushed through the line of children entering the skool, Zim making sure to run just as fast not to get lost in the crowd as the lines of filthy pigsmelly giggling earth children closed in all around them.

Even the disapproving eyes of the teachers wasn't enough to make Zim stop chasing Dib. He kept trying to get close to Dib even as Dib did his best to keep well away from the alien.

Dib's voice echoed desperately off the lockers as he ran down the hall screaming, "Whaaaaaat's goooiiing oooooooooon?"

(I got another idea and just wanted to make sure I got this chapter up before Christmas. I don't know when I'll get the chance to update, or come to that, IF I'll update. Barely anybody read my other fic, Christmas Spirit, THANK YOU SHADOWY DOOM! so please let me know if I should write any more about this.)