Tirdas, 12th of Last Seed, 4E 201
Dear Diary:
I've been given a completely blank book to use for what I please, sold to us by a Nord woman here in Whiterun who had no use for it. There's no way we could resell it, so it seems I got myself a very late birthday present...though I really don't know much about writing in a journal. I'm told it's like writing letters to myself about what the days have been like, how I'm feeling, stuff like that, so I guess I should write myself an introduction..? So here we go.
My name is Zahrassa Barahir; I'm a Khajiit; I was adopted by Nords when I was five years old, and while I was with them I was named Sorja Little-Wish; I grew up in Solitude and have lived in Skyrim my entire life except for the two months my birth parents spent traveling from Elsweyr to Skyrim; I've been roaming Western Skyrim with a caravan since I was twelve years old; I'm a very happy, excitable person and don't particularly enjoy dwelling on the bad past (but, being a teenager, sometimes I can't stop myself from doing so); I have absolutely no sense of direction, but a very good memory, and the Thalmor are after my birth parents. And possibly me, too, but I don't like to think about that.
My real parents were named M'nara and K'tabe, and I lived with them until I was five years old. Then, I was given to Roghild and Erisla Little-Wish, who were nobles from Solitude before them and their birth daughter, Sigirek, up and left when I was twelve, giving me to a caravan camped out in front of the city before running off into the night. I haven't heard from them since, same with my birth parents.
Now, I'm fifteen years old, and have grown fond of being on the road all the time. I travel with five others, and we're some an odd, happy family. There's me, the fifteen-year-old, parentless and tiny wanderer; Dar'zahn and Do'thri-dar, the two guards; my best friend M'zami, who turned seventeen back in Morning Star and is always over-excited about something; M'zami's mother, Idhisa, my boss and the merchant, and then there's Dro'shuji, Idhisa's mother and an expert alchemist. Possibly a mage, too.
Idhisa says I have something called a "wanderlust" because I always want to be on the move and am easily distracted by said desire to wander around. I've always been that way, even back in
Solitude. There were a lot of places I wasn't allowed to go to, but I'd always find a way in. I would often sucker my two friends Gisli and El into these situations, even though they weren't the exploring type. I'm very persuasive, you see. The best "adventure" we had together was when I was nine years old, El was twelve, and Gisli was almost fourteen, and we managed to climb onto the roof of the Blue Palace. The view was great and it became our favorite spot to hang out.
Well, until we got caught a few weeks later when we tried to get up there again...turns out that the High King's son Torygg liked to go up there too, and then the guards found the four of us two weeks after that and we all got in trouble. Torygg wasn't allowed to hang out with us anymore, Gisli got in HUGE trouble with her older brother, and I got lectured by Roghild and Erisla about how it wasn't safe and it would be especially dangerous for me to get in trouble with the guards, and that their nobility wouldn't always be around to save my tail. I always thought it was because I was a Khajiit in a Nord city, but now that I think about it, it was probably because of the Thalmor presence. Kynareth knows why the Thalmor want me, though.
But anyway, yes, I like to wander. Idhisa says that I have to be careful though, because it might get me into really big trouble someday. Like, worse trouble than when I hid in an empty coffin in the Hall of the Dead and jumped out at people on Jester's Day several years ago.
I also really like books. I had an entire set of 2920, The Last Year of the First Era back when I was a kid in Solitude that I was very proud of. Of course, it's gone now...but maybe someday I can rebuild it, as well as the rest of the massive collection Roghild had. As of right now, I don't have much, book-wise. They weigh too much and nobody buys them, so Idhisa won't carry them around. If I want one, I have to carry it myself. I have a book holder hooked to my belt, but there's only room for two and I already have to put this book in it. Oh well, maybe I'll find something really good to read that I won't feel about using the second slot for.
I'm pretty much useless when it comes to fighting, which we have to do a lot of. Being on the road all the time makes us targets for bandits, those Forsworn types out in the Reach, bored soldiers, and the wildlife. I can scratch something (or someone) up pretty badly with my claws, know enough about using a dagger so that I don't accidentally stab myself, know one destruction spell, and can hit a target if it stays still with a bow and arrow, but that's about it. I'm much more suited to alchemy, gardening, and running away. Dro'shuji has taken me under her wing for alchemy training since Idhisa is too shrewd-minded and M'zami always has her head in the clouds.
...well, I do too, but I can come back to Nirn when I need to. I doubt M'zami was ever here in the first place.
What else to write here? I have no idea.
Maybe the fact that we're going to Cyrodiil for a few weeks after we leave Whiterun? M'zami hasn't shut up about it since we got our boarder passes last week. I have no connection to Cyrodiil at all, while M'zami spent most of her childhood in Leyawiin. But that's a long story for another day.
Part of the reason that we're going is that one of Idhisa's younger sisters, who lives in Bruma, is expecting a litter two weeks from now, and it's some cultural thing that sisters always attend the birth of their nieces and nephews. I couldn't explain, since I was "corrupted by Nords" as Dro'shuji puts it. Since I spent most of my formative years as the only Khajiit in Solitude, surrounded by humans and elves, I didn't get much exposure to Khajiit culture. I had to learn everything either from the few books about Khajiit that I could get my hands on, and now, secondhand from Dro'shuji and Idhisa. I have picked up a few things from them, but even after four years I'm still very much a Nord. I always tell Dro'shuji that if everything were written down, I could learn, but she just laughed and said books were silly. "Khajiit never forget, so why write things down?" she always says.
That would be when Idhisa waves her off and says something about her "desert upbringing not applying to now", Dro'shuji reminds her that she also grew up in the desert, and M'zami and I wander off while they bicker. Not many Khajiit can read, and even fewer know how to write. I guess I'm just lucky I got dropped in the lap of Nord nobles? Why in a city with a large Thalmor presence instead of, say, Winterhold, I'll never know.
It's starting to get dark and the bugs are coming out. Dro'shuji needs more luna moth wings, so I better get to that before it's too late at night. I'll write more tomorrow.
- Zahrassa
Turdas, 14th of Last Seed, 4E 201
Dear Diary:
I said that I would write more yesterday, but there just wasn't anything of interest that happened other than M'zami and I just wandering aimlessly. It's extremely boring when we aren't on the move, but luckily we packed up early and left for Helgen. Normally, when we leave Whiterun, we'll go to Helgen for a day, then to Falkreath, but this time when we leave Helgen we'll be going up the Pale Pass to Cyrodiil. I guess it is exciting, since I'll be seeing new places, but in reality I'm worried about heading deeper into the Empire's territory.
I should probably mention my thoughts on the Civil War going on, shouldn't I?
In reality, I don't really know what to think. Ulfric Stormcloak murdered Torygg, and he was sort of an old friend of mine. Maybe a friend of a friend, since he and El were pretty close (even after the incident at the Blue Palace), and El was my best friend before M'zami. So yeah, I'm pretty angry about the rebellion.
On the other hand, Thalmor. The Empire lets the Thalmor call the shots, and the Thalmor are the reason I'm even in Skyrim and not in Elsweyr. And where was the Empire when the Thalmor started their purges that both sets of parents always mentioned when they thought I wasn't paying attention? The Empire's cooperation is what is going to lead to me eventually getting dragged off if someone doesn't stop them. But who would be brave (or stupid) enough to try that?
Idhisa says that I'm too young to understand, despite the fact that there are probably people younger than me fighting in the conflict. My older sister Sigirek became a mercenary when she was thirteen! That was part of the whole story that was made up by the Little-Wish's to explain why a small red-haired cat suddenly showed up in Solitude. Sigirek, being a mercenary, went to go after some bandits that were causing some problems near the border into the Reach, and found that they had left me alive after ambushing the caravan my parents were part of. She brought me back, and I was passed off as an "experiment" to show that if a Khajiit was raised "properly", I wouldn't become a thief or a smuggler.
The real story is much less exciting. Erisla met with my parents beforehand and agreed to take me. Then, after I fell asleep for the night, they bundled me up in a grey blanket and tucked me into a small pocket of rocks on the Reach side of the big Dragon Bridge. Sigirek came and found me later, and when I woke up I was in a bedroom in a big fancy house in Solitude.
But that's a story for another day. Right now I need to share one that happened today.
So we got delayed when we left Whiterun today thanks to an end-of-summer thunderstorm that hit this morning, and we ended up leaving in the early afternoon instead. While on the road towards Riverwood, M'zami's backpack straps (which have been pretty weak for a while, come to think of it) snapped right off. Thanks to that, we had to actually stop in Riverwood for a few hours so that the blacksmith could repair it. Normally it would be a fast sewing job that even Do'thri-dar could fix (he's not very bright), but they snapped so fast and so badly that they yanked part of the cloth in the backpack clean off and left a bunch of giant, gaping holes. A lot of her stuff tumbled out, so we had to scatter around and grab what we could before it rolled back down the hill and into the river.
There we were, stuck in Riverwood, having M'zami's backpack patched up so that it would hold together until we could get her a new one in Cyrodiil, when Idhisa actually gave us some money to go buy something from the general store! She almost never does that unless it's near our birthdays!
Anyway, we went and poked around in the store for a little while. The owners were arguing about something being stolen before we came in, and M'zami got far too interested in the subject. She even suggested that we go looking for this thing that was stolen! I may have a wanderlust, but I'm not one for going after some thief! We're traveling merchants, not traveling mercenaries!
I managed to talk M'zami out of it, of course, since there was no way Idhisa would let us go running off on our own, let alone to chase down a thief. I mean, yeah, it would be pretty cool to go on an adventure like that, but...I'm just not of adventuring stock, you know? My mother was an apprentice healer and my father was a guard before they left Elsweyr. Roghild was in the Legion and actually knew Ulfric Stormcloak, and Erisla was a healer-turned-priestess. Sigirek was a mercenary, but I'm not actually related to them in any way. They just took care of me until they left me with Idhisa and vanished without any explanation. I'd quite like things to be as normal as possible for now on, thank you very much!
Despite M'zami's attempted adventure, we did both find things to buy. M'zami bought a bunch of colorful beads to put in her hair, while I got a new green hood. Green is my favorite color and I wear it a lot since it matches my eyes. M'zami mostly wears gold and purple (and very low cut) dresses that look very nice on her. She has very dark brown fur and black hair, so almost anything looks good on her and she gets a lot of attention from men (and some women, too). Meanwhile, I can almost never find things that look nice on me since I'm orange with bright red hair, and nothing looks good with that combination. Green is at least tolerable looking. Dar'zahn once told me when I was thirteen that if I cut all of my hair off it would grow back a different color, but Idhisa stopped me just before M'zami started to hack away at it with her dagger and twisted Dar'zahn's ear for "feeding lies to little girls". It was pretty funny to watch, since he's way taller than Idhisa but couldn't defend himself from her. And he's one of the guards!
Anyway, we both got something and went down to the river until it was time to go. We spent some time launching pebbles at the fish in the water, but then she abandoned me to go flirt with one of the workers at the lumber mill. Typical M'zami.
When we eventually did get moving along to Helgen, it started raining. That slowed us down even more, so it was pretty late when we finally got to the wall and set up camp. We couldn't get the two other tents set up because the rain got even worse, so the best we could do was put some sheets of leather over the top of the main tent and hope that it didn't leak and that the ground inside would dry off quickly. This is the part I hate the most about not being allowed inside of the walled cities and towns like Helgen; in the small towns like Dragon Bridge and Rorikstead, we're allowed to take a room in the inn if the weather is bad. In the walled cities, not so much. It isn't too bad during the early summer when it's warm out, but the rest of the year is difficult because of all of the snow and rain.
Skyrim's weather is awful, but at least there aren't any sandstorms like there sometimes are in Elsweyr. I'd much prefer a face full of snow and ice than a face full of sand and rocks.
Anyway, it's getting really late and everyone wants to sleep. I could keep writing if I was in my own tent with M'zami, but since we're all in one tent...yeah, you get it.
- Zahrassa
Loredas, 16th of Last Seed, 4E 201
Dear Diary:
I can't believe it. M'zami went and broke her foot.
We hadn't even been over the border for fifteen minutes and she already had some sort of disaster happen. Typical M'zami.
Worse yet, we're out of the healing potions that fix broken bones. I don't know why some healing potions fix broken bones while others don't, but Dro'shuji says it's something about the ingredients used. There's a certain combination of properties or whatever. I'm not at the level where I can make them correctly yet, but I do know which ingredients are used.
So guess who had to go find some for Dro'shuji? Me.
Doesn't help that it's late, either. We had a bit of a delay getting out of Helgen this morning and it took a while to cross the border, so it was evening by the time M'zami fell. Now I'm rooting around in the woods in the dark, turning rocks over to try and find that one specific fungus Dro'shuji needs. I really don't mind helping since I enjoying working with ingredients, I just wish it wasn't this late. I can only see so much in the dark, even if I am a giant cat.
So far I've found enough of these mushrooms to make two potions, but it generally takes four to make the bones heal correctly. Two to drink, two to apply to the affected area. Drink one, wait twelve hours, drink another. Apply the paste, wait six hours, wash it off, wait another six hours, reapply, wait...yeah, it's tedious.
Luckily I should be done soon, and my system for getting back to the road should probably bust this whole "no sense of direction" problem I have. I took a bunch of throwing knives with me, and every few feet or so, I stab one into a tree. Then, when I'm done, just follow the knives back to the road. Simple!
Anyway, I should probably get back to looking. I need to get back soon before everyone starts to wo
