The Seven Ages Of Bodie.
Chapter Seven. Perfection.
Bodie sat in the car beside me half dozing half keeping an eye out for our boss who was making last minute enquiries with the landlord of the flat we had just fruitlessly searched. He sighs impatiently and turns to me curiously intrigued as to what is keeping me deeply engrossed in a disguarded magazine I had picked up in the flat.
"What the hell are you reading?" he enquires. Wordlessly I show him the cover.
"Practical Pig Keeping?" he looks at me in astonishment. "What's someone doing in London with a magazine on pigs? Are you hoping to pick up some tips on how to deal with me?"
"I already know how to do that." I told him. "Actually it happens to be very interesting. Pigs are very intelligent animals. Did you know that people in France use them to find truffles in woodland?"
I see Bodie screw his face up in puzzlement.
"You know what truffles are, don't you?" I ask.
Bodie glances out of the window for Cowley and then back at me.
"Well yeah, they're those soft mousse centres you get in chocolates."
"No, these are a type of fungus."
"They put fungus in chocolates? No mate, you've got that wrong. Sounds like the pigs are definitely more intelligent than you. Perhaps I should trade you in for one."
I close my eyes and shake my head in amazement and decide it's not worth trying to enlighten him. He returns his gaze to the block of flats and stares out of the side window as it starts to rain. The flats and shops along the street are festooned with seasonal decorations and lights that now start to come on in the encroaching darkness.
"I hate Christmas, it never snows AND they show the same rubbish on t.v. I bet it's the Wizard of Oz AGAIN AND a Morecambe and Wise Christmas Special AND it's a lot of fuss and expense for one day." he said gloomily.
"Just because no one buys you anything. Might help if you actually bought them something once in a while."
"Who says I never buy anyone anything?" he snorts in mock indignation.
"Well have you?"
There's a pause before, "No."
"I rest my case."
Bodie pulls a face at me and looks out of the window again rubbing his hands together against the cold. "Oh, come on Cowley! What's keeping you? I thought he had a plane to catch."
"He does. He's on the 18.30 to Glasgow." I replied distractedly, turning a page of the magazine.
"Well he's going to miss it at this rate." Bodie sighs in annoyance again. "It's Christmas Eve tomorrow, I want to get home."
"And you will." I told him calmly which just seemed to irritate him further.
"Have you noticed something?" he sighs at length so that it fogs the windscreen.
"What?" I answered, still engrossed in the magazine.
"Cowley's got loads of operatives yet it's always us that he uses all the time."
"Well, that's 'cos we're the best,mate."
Bodie looks at me sideways,thinking. "Yeah," he says, comfortingly. "We are, aren't we?"
"Yep. He struck gold when he took us on. There's no team finer. We are the cream of the crop! We are the little bit of grit that makes the pearl! We are perfection!"
Bodie snuggles down in his seat, a look of smug satisfaction on his face as he mulls over my words but then he suddenly sits up straight and, with a glint in his eye he produces a somewhat bedraggled sprig of mistletoe from his pocket.
"Now, this is one part of Christmas that I do like!Do you think Sally and Betty are still in the office?"
"I sincerely hope not, for their sake." I remark, eyeing the battered foliage. But then Bodie elbows me. "Oh look out, here he comes!"
I toss the magazine over my shoulder into the back seat and start the engine as our boss opens the rear door and gets in. There is a sudden rush of cold air and the smell of rain.
"Right," he declares. "Back to headquarters, Doyle. There's nothing more to be learned here and I've a plane to catch."
"Yes, Sir."
Cowley picks up the magazine. "You thinking of getting a pig, Doyle?"
"Already got one, Sir." I remark, earning me another scowl from Bodie who then grins. "Guess what, Sir? Doyle here thinks it's pigs that put fungus in chocolates."
I see in the rear view mirror the look of utter confusion on Cowley's face.
"Best not to ask, Sir." I advise.
"No, indeed." Cowley replies dubiously. "You boys will be heading north to your respective homes for Christmas I take it?"
"Yes, Sir." we answer and I hope that both Cowley and Bodie don't detect the lack of conviction in my voice. Bodie doesn't appear to have for he stares motionless out of the window.
"Well make sure you are both back on Thursday. I want no phone calls telling me you are stranded in some God forsaken part of the country by the weather."
"Don't you think that might happen to you, Sir? I mean you are going to Scotland where it's more likely to snow."
"Well if it does Bodie, I will set out on foot on Boxing Day to get back in time." Cowley said, emphasising his words deliberately.
"Yes, Sir." Bodie groaned, slumping into his seat. "I do believe you would."
As the rain begins to hammer down I pull into the car park and we get out to hurry acoss the courtyard into the building.
"That reminds me, Bodie. You wanted to see me about a matter." Cowley leads the way up the flight of stairs and we trail behind him but I don't miss the furtive glance Bodie throws my way.
"Yes, Sir." he replied quietly.
"Right, you have five minutes and then I really do need to leave for the airport. Doyle, can you take these reports down to Sally?" He plants a small file of papers in my hands and starts to stride away to his office. Bodie gives me a quick but nervous smile.
"See you after Christmas then, mate." he says anxiously. "Have a good one."
"Yeah, you too. See you."
As Bodie chases after Cowley I see him reach into his inside jacket pocket and take out a long white envelope. I stand in the corridor fixed to the spot. It is news to me that he wanted to see Cowley about something, he didn't mention it to me and I find the sight of the envelope a worry. I'm kidding myself if I deny that the first thing to come into my head was that he was handing Cowley his notice. He's intending to leave C.I.5? I swallow hard. No, he'd have told me, surely? I consider us close after eight months together and we tell each other pretty much everything. I have his trust, I know but I'm under no illusion that the ties that bind us are not anything like the bond he had with Cass nor am I under any illusion that Bodie would want that sort of relationship again. Once bitten twice shy.
We've never discussed our long term plans for the future but I've just assumed I would be with C.I.5 for a long time, maybe forever. Standing here now, staring at the closed door and not privy to the conversation going on behind it, I realise stupidly that I had assumed Bodie would always be there with me too, he'd always be my partner maybe separated at the end by death.
I feel my stomach lurch at the prospect of his leaving. He seems to have done a variety of jobs with various organisations and none of them for any real length of time. Had he tired already of C.I.5? Was he ready to move on again?
The sound of excited laughter behind me breaks into my worried thoughts.
"Ray! Do you want to join us down the pub for some Christmas drinks?" Sally asks as Betty playfully drapes a long length of sparkling purple tinsel around my neck. I would normally have jumped at the chance but now my heart's not in it.
"Love to girls but I've got things to do. I feel I should warn you though that Bodie's got mistletoe!"
"Oh no, let's get out of here Sal before he sees us!" Betty plays with the tinsel wrapping it around my neck several times like a scarf. "Sure we can't persuade you, Ray?"
"Sorry Sally, no. But I'll buy the first round in the New Year."
"You're on! And don't you dare tell lover boy where we are!"
I kiss them both and, smiling, I watch them leave and then I go into their office, add Cowley's files to the pile in the 'In' tray and head out to my car. In low spirits I open the glove compartment and look at a small package in a brown paper bag that I had placed there earlier that morning. I shut the compartment door hard in annoyance and tear out of the car park.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I had tossed and turned for much of the night with all consuming thoughts on Bodie's departure. Although I tell myself that I've probably jumped to the wrong conclusion I can't convince myself otherwise. What else would he be taking to Cowley in an envelope? And looking slightly secretive too. And then I counter my internal wranglings with the image of Bodie in the car yesterday evening. He was happy wasn't he? Well, as happy as he could be given that he wasn't Christmas's number one fan. But that aside he had agreed with me that we were a great team. He would have had ample opportunity to tell me then that he was thinking of calling it a day.
Christmas Eve had dragged on and I felt as dull and as miserable as the weather. Dispite what I'd led everyone to believe I wasn't travelling north to family for Christmas. I have no family. In fact my plans are to join old colleagues from the police force in the evening for drinks so now I force myself reluctantly into smart clothes and out into my car to meet them at a pub the other side of the city. The drive out takes me past Bodie's flat and I casually glance up at it. He's in Liverpool but has clearly left a light on to deter burglars. But just as I return my gaze to the largely deserted street there's a movement, a dark silhouette behind the drawn curtains. There's someone in Bodie's flat! Pulling the car over quickly and cursing the fact I am without a gun I take the steps of the old Victorian building two at a time to the main door and slip inside. The door to his place is closed and there is no noise from within. I use the key Bodie had given me many months ago and turn it in the lock slowly to cautiously push open the door, aware of my heart pounding in my chest. There's a sudden sound from the kitchen as I cross the lounge. I take a deep breath and swing into the doorway ready to confront the intruder and…...
"Bodie!"
"Ray!"
We stare at each other in shock for what seems ages.
"I thought you were in Liverpool." I utter eventually.
"I thought you were in Derby." Bodie lowers his arms that were ready to attack.
Neither of us moves as we continue to stare at one another. Bodie stands in a loose flowing dressing gown, a towel around his neck and water dripping from his hair.
"I thought you were being burgled."
"Clearly not. Just making some tea. Want one?" Bodie offers and turns back to the kettle.
"No, I should be going."
"You're looking a bit smart there, mate." he runs his eyes approvingly over my attire as he towels his hair. "Have you got yourself a girl for Christmas?"
"No, drinks with old police colleagues." I told him begrudgingly when the image of Bodie with the envelope suddenly comes to mind. "See you." I start to walk through the lounge to the front door.
"Hey, Ray? Is everything alright?"
"You tell me," I mutter, feeling my quick temper beginning to bubble upwards. I don't really want to get into this now, not today but I suddenly find myself spinning round to face him.
"Were you ever going to tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
"Did I ever feature in your thoughts? Did you at any point think that I might like to know, let alone NEED to know?"
"Mate, you've lost me." Bodie looks mystified. "What are you going on about?"
"You're leaving."
"Leaving? Leaving what?"
"Don't play the innocent with me, Bodie." My voice gets deeper as I get angrier. "Leaving C.I.5."
"Leaving C.I.5?" he echoes. "Am I? That's news to me. Who told you that?"
I search his eyes and he looks truly bewildered. I'm suddenly unsure of myself, I think I've got this all wrong.
"Well, aren't you?" I soften my voice.
"Of course I'm not." Bodie turns back to the kitchen at the sound of the boiling kettle. "Who told you that?" he repeats.
"I saw you taking a letter to Cowley and….."
"You put two and two together and made five." Bodie smirks at my awkwardness. "I'm afraid you're stuck with me, mate, for a very long time. I ain't going anywhere!"
"You on your own?" I nod towards the bedroom feeling a mixture of elation that he's not leaving and foolish stupidity and desperate to change the subject.
"Yeah," Bodie said disappointedly. "All my girlriends have gone to their folks for the holidays AND I didn't even get a snog from Betty or Sally. I couldn't find them anywhere."
I bite my tongue to stop from smiling at this as my mood takes an upward turn. Bodie stands in the kitchen doorway sipping tea. "So are you going to your drinks thing or what?"
"Probably not,didn't really fancy it anyway. Is that offer of a cup of tea still going?"
"Course, mate. Sit down."
I remove my jacket and take a seat, clawing at the tightness of my tie. I've been to Bodie's flat many times over the past few months. He was right when he had handed me the front door key saying he wasn't an early riser. I had got used to letting myself in and, invariably, a woman out and then waiting for him to get ready for work. I had been somewhat surprised to find he had, of all things, quite a collection of books on poetry. At the moment though Bodie's flat reflects my own. There is not a hint that it is Christmas except for two cards that grace the mantlepiece above the fireplace, an unlit fire in the grate.
"This is cheerful and festive." I grin at him as he hands me my drink.
"I hate Christmas."
"I remember."
There is a fleeting moment of discomfort as each of us knows we are both wondering why we haven't headed home to our families and neither of us having the confidence to ask. I am well aware of my partner's reluctance to impart information about his past. But it seems I am about to be taken into his confidence when he sits opposite and clears his throat.
"I never had Christmas as a kid." he explains. " Not once. I don't know who my Dad was. My mother had a string of different men at the house all the time, any one of them could have fathered me. I doubt she knew, they certainly didn't. I wasn't wanted by any stretch of the imagination, I was just an unfortunate by-product. Not that I would have wanted any of them as fathers. They were all drunken no-hopers, out of work and always out of pocket. I don't ever remember getting a Christmas present." Bodie smiles suddenly. "I used to make up things that I'd had to save face at school with my friends. I became quite the accomplished liar!"
Bodie drains the last of his tea. "I have a brother,James, well he's probably a half brother. He's ten years older than me and left home when I was about five. I barely remember him and I've never seen or heard from him since. We were often taken into care for short stays. There always seemed to be coppers and social services at the door. I came to hate the sight of them because dispite everything I never wanted to go with them. As I grew up I started to feel myself heading towards a life of crime, I was already stealing from shops, just petty things like sweets and comics. I didn't see any way out of the situation. A couple of my mates were joining the army so I went in with them and it was the best thing I ever did. I had discipline,direction and a feeling of belonging. It was only when I was in there that I realised how desperate I was for that. If it hadn't have been for the Army I'd be in prison or dead by now."
I listen to Bodie's sad portrayal of his childhood as he draws me deeper into his world. I understand now his deep dislike of the police and also how his only feeling of family had come from institutions such as the Army.
"What happened to you mother? When did you last see her?"
"She never batted an eyelid when James left. She'd have felt the same about me, relieved that at last we were gone.I never told her I was leaving, I just disappeared one day.I did go back a couple of years ago but she'd moved away. No one knew where. I didn't really care. She could be dead for all I know, it wouldn't surprise me. She never wanted or loved me." Bodie looks away wistfully. "I don't know,maybe it was my fault. I'm not easy to love."
"None of it was your fault, mate, you were dealt a poor hand, that's all. You should be proud of yourself at what you've achieved, what you've become. And you're wrong. There's a lot about you to love." I hold his blue eyed gaze for several seconds until he gets up and stands beside the fireplace.
"Anyway," he said firmly. "Cowley has been on at me for ages to hand in my will and letters to people should I die and that was what you saw yesterday."
"Sorry, Bodie. It was none of my business what you were seeing him about."
"Actually it is. I might as well tell you that what little I have I have left to you as my next of kin."
"Me? But…."
"Well Cowley's not going to want my Playboy magazine collection is he?!"
"I'm not sure I do!"
We subside into a comfortable silence for a few moments as I begin to understand what I have come to mean to him over these past few months together. It's taken my breath away that Bodie cites me as his next of kin. He sits down again and I start to answer the unspoken question that lingers at the front of his mind.
"They died, a little over a year ago now." I told him quietly. " Do you remember the Birmingham to York train crash? My parents were in it."
"Oh mate, I'm so sorry."
"They adopted me at three months old. I don't know the circumstances that led up to that point. I only know that my adoptive parents gave me the most wonderfully secure and loving childhood and I have never had any need to find out about my birth parents."
We fall quiet again, each taking in what has been divulged aware that the shared confidences have brought us even closer together.
I get up eventually and move quickly towards the door. "What have you got planned for today and tomorrow?"
Bodie shrugs disinterestedly. "Nothin' special. Just been for a run and was about to watch a bit of t.v. The same as usual tomorrow I suppose."
"Right, get that fire lit and put on some clothes." I instruct him with purpose. "Christmas is arriving at your place! And make sure that spare bed is made up as I'm staying the night!"
"But …"
"What food have you got in?" I ignore the start of a half hearted protest from him.
"Nothing much really. Listen Ray.…."
"God, you're hopeless!" I shake my head and tut loudly at him when I open the door to leave but I'm not too quick to miss the look of excitement Bodie tries hard to conceal. "I'll be back in about half an hour."
About thirty minutes later I drew up outside Bodie's flat again having gone home, changed into more comfortable clothes, grabbed an overnight bag and raided both fridge and cupboards for food including a tin of chocolate biscuits and several mince pies. I had had time too to hunt around for a box of general junk that had been left by the previous tenants of my flat that I had not got around to dumping. I smile now at the couple of items I retrieve from it and pushed into another bag. They are bound to annoy Bodie. Then, in the car,I opened the glove compartment and smile again as I take out the small brown paper bagged wrapped package and the piece of purple tinsel that Betty had wrapped around my neck.
I am greeted by a tremendous feeling of warmth from the fire as I let myself back in to his flat again.
"Someone's been busy." I drop the bags gently on the floor as Bodie emerges from the bedroom.
"Like I had a choice." He pretends to grumble as he watches me rooting around in one of the bags. Then he stands back to view the item I now place on the floor beside the fireplace.
"What the hell is that!" he exclaims, wide eyed.
"I admit it has seen better days," I agree as we both stare down at a plastic Christmas tree in a bright red tub that's barely a foot in height and with branches sticking out at odd angles. "But just use your imagination and try to appreciate what it's meant to represent."
"And that is?"
"That it's Christmas." I take out the length of purple tinsel and drape it with a flourish over the top of the mirror above the fireplace, aware of Bodie smirking behind me.
Then he explodes in utter disgust as I take out the last item and hold it in my hands pretending to be unsure of where to put it.
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING! A candle? I'm telling you now, you are NOT lighting that in MY flat! Honestly Ray, you're turning into a right girl. Next you'll be telling me it's scented."
"It is," I lie, enjoying seeing him so wound up. "Oh, keep your hair on. I was only having a joke with you." I put the thick white candle back in the bag.
"Yeah, I bet you were." Bodie replies doubtfully. "So what else is in the bag?"
"Something more up your street. Food."
I watch his eyes light up and he readily clears space on the coffee table and fetches plates as he tells me he's starving. He's never anything else.
The evening drifts into the night, rain throws itself against the windows and Bodie and I, having eaten our fill, fall silent as a warm feeling of contentment settled over the pair of us. We've watched and laughed at the Morecambe and Wise Christmas Special, Bodie not even moaning that it's a repeat from last year. As the late night News programme starts a log in the fire falls causing sparks to spiral upwards and we both stare vacantly into the flames. I still find it hard to believe that I should find myself here sitting beside him in such a congenial atmosphere. So much has changed in under a year. Our partnership has flourished and continues to do so and not once have I seen again the forlorn hopeless look on his face that had haunted me in the early days.
"This is weird, isn't it? Bodie said eventually. "The two of us here together at Christmas. Sort of sad."
"Is it?"
"Yeah, two good looking blokes like us," he breaks off to let his eyes run over me quickly. "well me at any rate," he amends. "alone at Christmas. Sad."
"Better than us being both alone in our separate homes."
"True" he considers. "Wouldn't it be funny if Cowley isn't really in Scotland but alone at home."
"He won't be. He'll be out roaming the glens shooting haggis."
"Yeah? I've never actually seen one before, wouldn't know what they looked like."
"They are small furry things, you'd need to shoot a lot for a good meal." I tell him matter of factly.
"Really?" Bodie looks at me full of admiration. "You know quite a lot, don't you?"
"I'm not just an ugly face." I told him, getting it in before he did. "You should ask Cowley to show you a picture of one."
"He won't think I'm an idiot for not knowing what they look like will he?"
"You? An idiot? 'Course not, mate." I grin inwardly from ear to ear, half hoping I'm there when he asks, half hoping I'm not, for my own safety!
We are quiet for a minute or two as we continue to stare into the memerising flames of the fire and I'm aware of Bodie's breathing, slow and relaxed beside me.
I find myself pondering on his words. Yes, it is weird that I should find myself here and at Christmas too. For so long I had lived with the belief that we were never to have a good working partnership let alone become so emotionally close. Cracking Bodie's code had never been easy but I had stuck at it and was now reaping the rich rewards. I know I have filled the void in his life left by his friend Cass and after today's revelation about his home life perhaps we both realise what it is like to be alone, devoid of any real family, especially Bodie. At least it's something I have had, Bodie never has. Perhaps we realise we have become each others family. Even Cowley seems to have become something of a father figure to us and, again, to Bodie in particular.
"This is nice." Bodie murmers sleepily to himself, nestling deeper into the sofa. "Can't think if anywhere else I'd rather be."
He lets out a long contented sigh and I smile knowing how fragile our lives are, even more so in our chosen line of work as has proved over these last few months. In the blink of an eye and maybe without the slightest warning everything could change, he could be taken from me. It's a thought I can't contemplate and a thought that surprises me given our short time together. I don't think I could or would get over the loss of him.
As if he has read where my drifting thoughts have been straying Bodie stretches out a lazy arm to settle his hand softly on my head. His fingers tousle my hair for the briefest of moments and when I turn my head towards him I understand in his eyes what lies in his heart but what he can't bring himself to put into words. And then, before embarrassment takes him over the moment is gone and he returns to hide behind his cool reserve when he leans forward to prise the lid off the tin of biscuits.
I choose the moment to slip away to the bedroom to return with the small parcel and place it under the tatty Christmas tree aware of Bodie's piqued curiosity.
"No opening until tomorrow." I told him.
"You bought me a present?" There is a mix of disbelief and pleasure in his voice.
"It's nothing much so don't get too excited and I didn't wrap it because I knew you'd think that was girly."
A strange almost serious look comes over his face as he rises from the sofa to disappear into the kitchen. He's back in a few seconds with a large flat oblong shaped present and it's wrapped in sparkly festive looking paper.
"Before you say anything," he begins "I didn't wrap it. The girl in the shop insisted on it. I wouldn't have bothered myself."
"No, no of course you wouldn't. YOU BIG GIRL!" I tease and he playfuly threatens to hit me over the head with it before placing it on the floor beside my gift. Unable to deal with much more emotion tonight he declares that he is off to bed leaving me grinning.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I wake in the night to a noise and realise it's the embers falling in the fireplace. Through the half open door I can see dancing shadows flickering in the room beyond. Getting out of bed I pad softly to the door and look out to a scene that takes my breath away. Sitting cross legged on the sofa is the little boy that I call my partner, the little boy that hadn't had a Christmas as a child. He has a small cheeky grin on his face and his tongue sticks out of the side of his mouth as I watch him gently turning my present over and over again in his hands in contemplation. A finger touches the sellotape and then withdraws as he tries to resist the urge to pull at it.
With silent footsteps I creep out to join him and he turns his face slowly towards me, his eyes shining in the firelight. His blue eyed gaze steadily tracks my approach and I come to sit beside him. He has found and lit the candle and I smile gently as it and then at him as it casts a soft amber light over his face. Both of us seem to be caught in a wordless dream, and, with a barely perceptible nod of my head, he takes his cue. With surprising delicacy he slides a finger under a fold of paper not secured by tape. He seems to take delight in prolonging the anticipation of finding what lies within and slowly draws the gift from its covering in one long easy movement until the book is in his hands.
To my relief Bodie's smile widens in satisfaction and he runs a finger over the gold embossed title, 'A collection of Poetry and Verse.' I watch in fascination when he opens the book as if in slow motion, wordlessly savouring the pleasure it brings. His fingers fan the pages stopping occasionally for him to read a line or two before moving on. And then he leafs back to the front of the volume and finds my inscription.
For Bodie.
'He drew a circle that shut me out
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win,
We drew a circle that took him in.'
From Ray.
Both of us are oblivious to the wind and rain outside and to the crackling fire in the hearth that hurls wild shadows around the room. Bodie's smile fades and he is the study of concentration when he looks at me with misty eyes.
" S'beautiful." he whispers, breaking the silence, his fingers tracing over the words.
"Hey, you're not going to get all tall dark and emotional on me, are you?" I tease him gently as I reach down to pick up the present he has chosen for me. "Because if you are, well that's okay." Bodie just smiles, hopes I haven't seen him brush a hand quickly to his eyes and then looks down at the gift in my hands. I peel off the ornate paper without quite the finesse of my partner to reveal a glass fronted wooden frame housing a piece of prose poetry entitled Desiderata. I whisper the first line 'Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence' and scan down to the last line ' With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world.'
"Oh mate, this is so…..so...me ." I gasp, finding it hard to believe he's bought me something so thoughtful let alone the fact that he's bothered to buy me anything at all.
He's often voiced an opinion that I'm a dreamer, an idealist. Perhaps he's right.
Bodie snuggles into the crook of the sofa arm and begins to browse through the book cradled in his hands while I move to the other end to read the poem in full. He looks over at me momentarily catching my eye.
"You were right, you know." his whisper breaks the hush. " We are perfection."
"Yeah," I agree. "We are. Merry Christmas, Bodie."
"Merry Christmas,mate."
