Hay! X3 I'm back with a one shot! DISCLAIMER: I don't own this shit, yo! (lmfao reno moment)


"The rum is gone. Why is the rum always gone?" Jack Sparrow inquired miserably. The shelves were devoid of his love. His rum.

He stumbled on the deck and shouted;

"AHOY YE BLOODY ASSWIPES!" Gibbs looked at him sharply. Jack returned the icy glare. The rest of the crew seemed to have no problem with the derogatory term, and just snapped to attention.

"My rum is gone. I haven't drunk any in 3 days, savvy? And just as I want a drop o' drink... I find it gone. Do any of ye know why that is?" No one replied. They just looked at him guiltily as they shuffled their feet.

"I do!" Gibbs piped up. Jack whirled around.

"Would you be so kind as to indulge me in that knowledge, Mr. Gibbs?"

"Aye sir. Because we," Gibbs gestured to the crew, "got ye some wine instead."

"Wine, Mr. Gibbs?"

"Aye Jack. Wine."

"Winnne. Wiiiiiiiiiiiiyuhneh. Wine. Wine." Jack savored the feel of the word on his tongue. "And why, Mr. Gibbs did you feel the need to get me wine?"

"Yer heart health, sir."

"My... heart health?"

"Aye, sir. Red wine is mighty good for yer heart."

Jack just looked puzzled. Gibbs handed him a large crate. Jack took it, almost dropping it. Heavy. He wordlessly made his way to the hold, and sorted through the bottles. Burgundy, Bordeaux, Pinot Noir, Cabernet Sauvignon, Chianti, Merlot, SYRAH!? He took out one of the bottles, Beaujolais, popped the cork, and started chugging it. Huh. Not bad.

3 hours later

"Ye think we should go check on 'im?" Asked Gibbs.

Cotton nodded. The two descended into the hold and, lo and behold, Jack was on the floor, humming a tuneless ditty, with about 3 bottles of wine broken around him, and an almost empty one in his hand. Jack glanced at them, and stumbled to his feet.

"Mr. Gibbs?" Jack slurred.

"Yes, cap'n?" Gibbs replied dutifully.

"This is no-hic-no good for my heart. I feel like just as horwid a pewsin as I did w-whe-hic-when I was half-sober. Yew just wanted ta get me DRUNK! " Jack pointed accusingly at Gibbs. He tripped slightly, mumbled a curse, and promptly passed out.

"Oi. How stupid can he get?" Gibbs said to no one in particular. He turned around to see Cotton drinking Jack's unfinished Pinot Noir.


Hay! How'd ya like!? That was POTC on crack. REVIEW AND JACK'S HEART WILL BE HEALTHY!!!