Wonderful! Bella has to be babysat by Rosalie. Well, no better way to start sisterly bonding then when you're alone and no one is watching. Warning, Bella is a bit OOC, I don't think she would say this stuff. And another warning, there are A LOT of swear words in this little oneshot!
"You fucking whore!" She screamed at me.
"Oh yeah, me the human! What the hell did I do this time?" I thought I knew, but needed to be sure.
"SLUT! You know what you did!"
"I do not, skank!"
"Fine I'll tell you: You replaced my shampoo with shit colored hair dye and my conditioner with a mixture of… well stuff I don't know but now my hair feels horrible and I can't take it!"
Oh so that's why she was wearing a hat. I started giggling- if the phrase "looks could kill" was true, I'd be so dead. "I didn't do it though!" Nothing but honesty there. Then we had a name calling competition.
"Bitch!"
"Whore!"
"Slut!"
"Skank!"
"Heffa!" Wait just a second! I am so not a heffa!
"Fat ass!" Hah!
I heard her gasp and then she was back on track again. "Ho!"
"Lard bag!" Whatever; I invented it. So what?
"You're cow-tastic!"
"And you look like a vamp!" (Yeah, that's not really an abbreviation for vampire. Google it.)
"Oh hell no! Dick sucking, pole dancing, fucking ugly two face chica!"
Spanish, huh? "Whore- that's- trying- to- get- my- fiancée- in- bed dooshbag virgin!"
"Hag!"
"Fag!"
"Human!"
"Vampire!"
Just then, Carlisle walked in along with the rest of the family.
"What's going on girls?" He asked.
We started talking at the same time, only Rosalie was going a little bit faster than me: "That fucking human Bella switched my shampoo to dye and conditioner to smoothie from hell. I have no idea what she was thinking, but that ho has got problems." Came out of her in the same time I said, "She starts screaming at me and calling me names for no reason! I mean she's been treating me like shit forever, but this is too much."
"Carlisle, LOOK!" She yelled, ripping off her hat.
A pool of frizzy, vomit-y hair spilled out onto her shoulders and not a single person could contain their laughter. Rosalie stood, fuming, at mostly her husband. I knew that if the same thing had happened to me, Edward would've not been in hysterics, but Emmett would've died from lack of oxygen if he were still a human.
"What the hell is your problem, Emmett?" Rose screeched.
He barely made the words out in between his laughter but I was able to understand. "Bella… framed… not her… me… toothpaste… laundry soap… baby oil… bleach…. OH GOD!" It took him a minute, but Emmett realized that it probably wasn't the brightest thing to tell Rosalie he did it.
"Rose, Emmett framed Bella. It was, obviously, him. And that stuff in your conditioner bottle was toothpaste, laundry soap, baby oil and bleach," Alice translated. Wow, that was bad news. Those were tough on the hair!
My blonde soon- to- be sister- in- law and I shared glances before pouncing on Emmett, attacking and hitting every part of his body we could lay our hands on. Alice joined in after a minute, then Edward and Jasper. We rolled around in one big blob before Emmett escaped, yelling louder than anything I've ever heard, "Esme! Esme! Help, they're going to kill me! HELP!" The five of us rolled around on the floor, laughing uncontrollably. I loved this family.
Alrighty, I know this is probably the worst thing I've ever written, but I'm so bored at the moment so please be nice. Constructive criticism is welcome, but no meenie moes please. And I always wondered what would happen if this kind of thing went on between Rose and Bella. Reviews make me happy!
Emily
