Author Notes: Going through some old floppy disks, I was amazed to find this piece of work, which I began writing, according to the floppy disk's properties and details, on March 22nd, 2005.

Either way, this story is in essay format--sort of. The pretense is that Georgia was given an assignment in school on what she thought of Scotland--this is the result. I hope you enjoy it.

Please review at the end. : )

What I think of Scotland
Total word count: 552.

Started: March 22, 2005
Finished: December 17th, 2006.


What I think of Scotland

By

Georgia Nicolson

Scotland, or as I like to call it, Och Aye Land, is one of the most annoying places one can go to. I've been there, and to tell you the truth, I hated it. You can't understand anybody, honestly. They have words up there that we don't have here in England. They have words like 'oop' and ' tak', which, if you have any common sense, you'll agree that those aren't words at all. Not that I've looked them up in the dictionary whatsit—who has the time? Only people like Mrs. Big Knickers do that. Or Slim. Slim seems to know her way around books. Not.

Anyway, Och Aye Land. What a useless pile of land. And besides, who names a country "Scotland?" What does "Scotland" mean? Did they just get drunk one night and decide to name their country something unbelievably stupid? It sounds like something my dear mad Vati would name. That isn't a good thing, either. Really, it isn't. Have you met Vati? Have you? He's a complete loon. I'm getting off topic.

It is V. cold in Och Aye Land. It isn't quite normal. When I was there, I just stuck in my room. Or I went to the neat 24-hour nightclub (hahahahahaha.) Mr. McThick (Jock boy) was a complete loon, too. He said words that I've never heard before. He introduced me to his McThick mates and the Och Aye Land convenience store. And that sock drink. Irn-bru, most disgusting stuff out there. Well, no, I take that back. The most disgusting thing out there is Vati's sock drawer. Double EW.

And if I haven't said it yet, let it be known now—you will never be cold in Scotland, due to the fact that there are enormous amounts of sheep. If it ever gets chilly, all you really need to due is paste yourself to the bottom of a very wooly sheep. No one will ever know you're there because the sheep will go BAAA! And the people are outrageously stupid—always going on about their plaid trousers and raving on about silly stuff like scenery and jumpers.

I think the only people who enjoyed Scotland when we went there are my Mutti, Vati, Libby, and Angus. Angus, who is most likely part Scottish wildcat, decided to take part in his natural born land—rummaging around in other peoples' gardens and attacking small animals. Actually, he does that most of the time at home, but if you'd look at him, you'd notice he did it with unseen vigor. Libby decided that she would copy Angus and run around in the nuddy pants, scaring old folk who decide to come her way. Mutti and Vati—well, they're both a lost cause, so what is to be said about them, besides Vati thinks he is officially Scottish now and Mutti thinks she can cook. Which she can't.

Well, you ask me what I think about Scotland, and to tell all truth, I think whoever invented Scotland should be punished. It is an absolute waste of time to even consider going there and I think I would be better off shooting myself in the head next time my family or anyone else decides it would be lovely to "take a gander at its lovely features."