~ Solar Flare ~
Chapter One
He woke up sweating. Again. It was the seventeenth time he'd had the dream (yes, he was counting) and it never failed to unsettle him.
Donner dressed quickly and headed up to the observation deck. Looking at the stars, the vastness of space, had always given him a calmness he could never explain - particularly to his family, who'd been against his dream of becoming an astronaut since the first time he'd voiced it at age nine.
Deep breaths calmed him down but the chill of the air on his sweat-soaked skin made him feel cold. Should have worn more than just a t-shirt, he thought ruefully.
"Cold up here, isn't it?" A soft voice from behind broke into his thoughts. Her voice. Of course; no one else would be up at this hour.
She came and stood beside him, arms crossed against her chest as she stared out into the darkness. He stole a quick glance at her, seeing the same tenseness and disquiet that filled his soul.
"The dream ... " he began quietly.
"I know." Zoe's voice was small and scared and though she'd always looked vulnerable with her girlish looks, now was the first time he'd heard the vulnerability in her voice.
He turned to face her. "Zoe ... "
"Don't let it happen Donner." Her voice cracked as she turned to him, tears spilling out of her eyes. "Don't let me die out there."
"Aw, Zoe ... " He gathered her into his arms and pulled her close. His heart ached as sobs wracked her body and she heaved against him. "I promise I won't let anything happen to you."
He kissed the top of her head and the smell of her hair sent a sudden spike of pleasure through him. Before he was aware of doing it, he'd cupped her face and was kissing away her tears. "I promise I won't let anything happen to you Zoe," he murmured between kisses. "I'll take care of you. I won't let anything hurt you."
Soon his lips found hers and he kissed her without reservation. She returned his kisses willingly, both of them seeking and finding the comfort they so desperately needed from each other. Donner, aware of the fact that while the cameras were off now, they could be turned on at any moment, maneuvered them back to the cubicle he called home for more privacy.
Clothes were shed and bodies intertwined, the coldness of the air around them forgotten in the warmth of one another.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * *
Zoe lay with her head on his chest, knowing she should get up and go but loathe to leave the protective cocoon of them that they'd created. Donner's heart still beat quickly, also as if unwilling to let go and come back to reality. It couldn't last, much as she wanted it to.
"I should probably go," she whispered, making no move to get up.
"Yeah ... " He left the sentence hanging, as he was wont to do at times. "I guess."
She sighed, took a deep breath and pushed herself up, knowing that if she didn't do it now she never would, and that getting caught here with him would create questions she really didn't want to answer. Particularly from Jenn.
They stared at one another, blue eyes meeting brown in a gaze that was inexplicable had they even cared to try.
"We're not supposed to be doing this," Zoe said quietly, not sure if the words were a reprimand or merely a reminder.
"No, we're not," he answered, voice just as soft and ambiguous as hers. "But ... "
"I should go," she interrupted, pushing herself off the bed and pulling on her sweats.
"Zoe ... "
She pulled her sweatshirt back over her head and turned to face him. "It's our little secret Donner. You know we can't tell anyone."
"So what do we do?"
"Pretend like it never happened."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * *
Jenn poured another mug off coffee and handed it to Zoe. "Good morning." Then her eyebrow raised as she caught sight of the dark circles under her friend's eyes. "You don't look so good."
"Thanks Jenn. You sure know how to make a girl feel good." She was joking but there was a bit of a sting to her words.
"You know what I meant."
Donner and Wass wandered into the kitchen area, also in search of coffee.
"Didn't sleep well," Zoe said shortly, answering her friend's query.
"Bad dreams?" Jenn asked, now looking sympathetic. "We all have those sometimes."
"Something like that, " Zoe said, catching Donner's eyes for a brief second as he looked over at her.
"Have a second cup of coffee," Jenn said, bringing the pot over to her. "They don't call it 'go juice' for nothing."
"Thanks." Zoe drained her mug and held it out for refilling. "So what's on the agenda today?"
Donner raised an eyebrow. "Well that's up to Ted, but as we're only forty-eight hours away from landing on Venus I'd say doing a dry run of the landing would be a good idea."
"You're capable of good ideas?" Ted's large frame appeared behind Donner, his smile shining over the other man's shoulder.
"Ha ha, very funny."
Zoe felt a shiver go up her spine. They were all acting so very normal. She didn't feel normal, not after seeing Beta ... whatever it was, and not after The Tomato Incident. (She'd taken to thinking about it with capital letters.) She couldn't possibly feel normal after seeing it, didn't know if she ever would again. Perhaps that's why, she thought, with a sudden flash of understanding, as she looked at their faces. They're trying so hard to make everything seem normal because the alternative is impossible to face. An alien lifeform is inside each and every one of our heads. Knowing our thoughts, our secrets, our desires.
Wait, not everyone. Wass and Jenn both hadn't had hallucinations. Why?
"Zoe, you have a problem?"
She flushed, not realizing her face showed her confusion until Ted addressed her. "What should Jenn and I be doing?"
"Do what you normally do every day."
"Gotcha," Jenn said brusquely, putting down her coffee cup and moving into the hallway. "I'll see you there," she called back to Zoe.
"Yeah ... " Zoe would have said more but figured it would be better to talk with her friend in private.
Paula walked into the kitchen just as the viewscreen came to life. Goss's face, unsmiling as always, filled the room.
"Today is dry run day," he said without preface. All heads nodded; they knew the protocol. "I expect things to go smoothly. I'll be checking in on the hour, every hour. Paula, are you ready?"
She flexed her thumb and nodded decisively. "I'm ready."
Goss nodded, the closest he ever came to showing approval. "Good. I'll see you later."
The screen went black and there was an uncomfortable silence in the room.
"You heard the man," Ted said eventually. "Let's get to it."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * *
"Jenn, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. Who says anything's wrong?"
Zoe put her hands on her hips and gave her friend 'the look'. "I do. Now give."
"Nothing is wrong," Jenn insisted. "I'm just bored. You know as well as I do that there's really nothing for us to do until we arrive at Venus. I'm a little tired of the same-old, same-old."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I need new samples to work with." Zoe relaxed and headed over to her work area. "There's maybe an hour's worth of work here each day and then what are we supposed to do? Just stay out of everyone else's way while they do the real work?"
"We're only the scientists. It's not like we do anything important." Jenn's tone was bitter.
Zoe's nose crinkled as she frowned. "What's really wrong Jenn? There's something bothering you, something more than the fact that we're just paid, nonessential personnel along for the ride."
Jenn snorted. "We'll be lucky if we even get paid at all now that we've lost that trillion dollar contract. And learning that our mission is something totally different than what we thought it was and that people knew about it without telling us before we came out here ... "
"Beta. That's is, isn't it?"
Jenn faced her friend, hands on her hips. "You bet your sweet bippy it is. And Rollie knew about it, that's the worst thing of all. He should have told me."
"Security Jenn, I'm sure he wanted to but he was bound to secrecy."
"By Goss? That's a joke. The man's a control freak and would make using the bathroom classified if he could. Rollie's my husband, we're not supposed to keep secrets from one another."
"I know, but ... "
"I don't expect you to understand Zoe. You don't have a husband or lover back there who put your life in danger and sent you off for six years - six years! - without telling you the truth about why you were out here. If you did, you'd understand how betrayed I feel."
"I suppose ... yeah, you're right. I would. But we don't know that Beta is dangerous."
"We don't know that it isn't. In fact we don't know what it is or what it does ... if it's even anything at all."
Zoe's eyebrows came together. "What do you mean? Of course it's something, we just don't know what yet."
"Maybe someone does. Maybe they do." Jenns' tone became even more accusatory. "Maybe they know everything and just aren't telling us so we can 'experience the adventure' for ourselves."
"You don't believe that."
"Maybe I do. And maybe I just don't know what to believe." She sighed and her shoulders dropped. "Can I tell you a secret?"
Zoe felt the back of her neck grow warm as she couldn't help thinking of the secret she was keeping from her friend. "Of course," she said softly. "Anything."
"Come. I need to show you."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * *
Donner sat at the controls in the tiny Venus lander doing the fourth set of instrument checks and trying hard to keep his mind focused on the task at hand. It wasn't gripping enough to require his full attention - particularly not after already performing the same tests three times, and what had finally happened between him and Zoe last night was pushing its way to the forefront. Finally? his mind questioned. Oh stop denying it already. You know you've wanted it since the first night you spent together. There's just something about her that's ...
"Donner?"
Nadia's voice grated as it intruded into his privacy, and he flinched visibly. "Are you okay? You look a little ... off."
"Just tired," he said shortly, turning back to the controls.
She stepped in behind him and began to massage his shoulders. "You're feeling very tight." She leaned forward and touched his ear with her lips. "I know just the thing to fix that."
He shrugged her off. "I don't think so. I'm busy."
She dropped into the chair beside him. "Well I didn't mean right now."
He glanced at her briefly. "No, I don't think so Nadia. It's best that we don't." Her eyes narrowed as the silence between them lengthened. "What?" he said eventually, shrugging defensively. "I'm not allowed to say no?"
"It's her, isn't it?"
"Her ... her who? What are you talking about?"
"Zoe. You love her."
"That's ridiculous."
"Maybe," Nadia said slowly, "but you're in love with her all the same. You can't hide it."
"Pshaw." Donner made an inarticulate noise and turned back to the control board. The back of his neck was extremely warm though and he could feel her smug smile as she caught sight of it.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * * * * *
Her whole body relaxed and she felt a peace and calmness settle over her as Beta's ever-rippling form and haunting song stole into her very soul. How could Jenn possibly think it was bad?
"What do you see?" Jenn asked.
"What do you mean?" Zoe answered dreamily, eyes half closed.
"What does it look like?"
Zoe dragged her eyes away. "Well you look at it and tell me," she demanded.
The girls' eyes met. "I can't see it Zoe. I can't see anything at all."
~ TBC ~
