According to Hoyle:

Name of the Game


This is a story about the strange little girl named Road Kamelot.

Road, who is currently sitting on the round rug because she has already sat in the armchair for two hours, on the armchair for ten minutes, on the couch for an hour, attempted to push Tyki off the other couch for twenty minutes, and paced on the oval rug for a while after that. Road, who is skipping school (again) and not on a mission (again) and trying to get Tyki to amuse her because Lero is not home (again).

This is a story about Road, and her wondrous quest to…to do something. Anything. Anything at all but homework or staring at the back of Tyki's head or talking to Lero because that's getting old. Lero's not home, anyways.

And – oh, look, she doesn't have to stare at the back of Tyki's head anymore. He's turned around. Now Road gets treated to the magnificent view of Tyki's front end…which was obscured by the back cover of some book that looks like it's been with Tyki while he was in his white mode, complete with the shabbiness and muck and what's with that hideous font that dares to masquerade as a title!? She could swear the damn thing is glaring at her. If Road didn't like Tyki so much (when he wasn't ignoring her) she would have skewered the book with a candle onto whatever's behind it. Namely the reader's skull and maybe the couch too, if she got a long enough projectile and made it go fast enough.

But, as you already know, Road likes her family. Road likes Tyki. Very, very much.

Just…not as much right now.

"Tyki," she droned for the umpteenth time. No response. Again. She prodded at his sides with one of her candles – not sharpened, of course. Road likes Tyki.

No response.

Prod.

Nope.

Pokestab.

Zip. Nil.

"TyyyYYyyyYkkiiIIIi!" She whined, making sure to put an extra special annoying pitch onto the elongated vowels. Tyki didn't even look up from the book.

"TYYYKIIIIIIIII!!"

Tyki Mikk blinked. It wasn't very often that the little lady actually screeched. Whine, yes. Bleat, yes. Demand with or without stabbing with sharp pointy objects, very big yes. But not screech. Screeching is not…cute.

The miniscule reaction did not go unnoticed. "Tyki," Road continued sweetly, all smiles and sparkles and any trace of a bubbling tantrum gone, "Let's play a game."

Road is adorable. But only when she wants to be.

"No," Tyki said in a monotone, also for the umpteenth (but not as big of an umpteenth) time. "Your games are scary, Road."

Road pouted. "Tyki is scared? But I promised I'll be nice to Tyki and maybe even let you win a couple of times!"

The sound of a page being flipped. Flip. "No. That was just a comment." Still not looking up. "I want to finish this book before I see the orphans again."

So the book was with him in his white mode. One of the orphans', to boot. "What's so great about that book?" Road continued to pout. "The cover doesn't like me! And why do you have to return it anyways? Just give them something else. I'm bored!"

Flip. A little louder this time. "Why do you always bother me when you are bored?"

"Because I like Tyki."

"That's sweet of you. Now if you really like me, you will kindly leave me alone for a few hours."

"Let's check…nope, not right now."

Silence.

Flip.

"Fine, be that way. Maybe Allen will play with me."

"Yeah, you do that."

Slam.

A "Road-Tama—Lero!" from somewhere out in the hallways, a clang ("Looks like Lero's back and ran into Miss Grouch.") and Lero's odd squeal at being manhandled.

A "pop."

The sound of another door being opened, somewhere beyond the slammed-shut entrance to this room. No footsteps.

Flip.

Another "pop;" something had just vanished from this dimension.

"…Damn. She really left."

"This could get troublesome, don't you think, Tease?"

"Oh come on, don't eat the book."


The name of the game is "Let's Kill Boredom."

Rules? There are no rules.

Well, okay. Maybe one: If Road gets mad – wait, no, no, she wouldn't really get mad. The only things that could truly make her mad can't possibly will not never ever happen.

So, how's this:

If Road gets bored, you lose.

Aw, come on, don't give me that face. It's fair. Road is always fair.

A lot fairer than Tyki's games.

And it's not like Road breaks her toys as much as the Earl does (oh, but he doesn't always call them his toys).

Because if it was the Earl playing, the name of the game would have been "Let's Kill Exorcists" or something.

Sounds better now? Good.

So let's play.


Author's Notes:

I finished D.Gray-Man in 3 days, starting 4 days ago. All 162 chapters of it. Of course, my strange affinity for antagonists have kicked in once more. And so this was born. Maybe it will be funny and silly, maybe it will be dark and twisted, maybe it will be happy and gushy. Maybe all that and then some.

Needless to say, spoilers galore.

This occurs in a parallel universe, some time after the whole Ark thing and before Lulu Bell infiltrates HQ. I took the liberties to use fandom magic to insert some time and maybe alter some events and just plain ignore other things altogether.

Pairings? Maybe. I have spent a grand total of 4 days on this world, 3 reading the manga and 1 skimming fandom. That's not nearly long enough for pairing attachments to settle in for me. But it (probably) won't be the focus of this wandering story.

This is a pet-fic (YES I AM WORKING ON OTHER STUFF TOO). I have NO idea where it's going. It will be updated as the fancy strikes, aka sporadically. So. Reviews will influence the speed, the route and the destination; and…enjoy the ride. Seat belt's not included. I deny responsibilities for any injuries caused. :D