[My lullaby, hung out to dry
What's up with that
It's over
Where are you dad
Mum's lookin' sad
What's up with that]
I look around at the funeral of my foster father, looking at the multitude of faces. I knew he was here. He had to be here. My
Mother was in the corner, talking to my grandparents. My Father was in the coffin at the front of the room. But I knew he was
here. Heero had to be here. He wouldn't leave me alone at a time like this. Heero wasn't like that. But even though I didn't see
him right away, I continued to search. My fairy tale life as daughter of a diplomat maybe over, but Heero wouldn't care. He
would still love me.
[It's dark in here
Why, bleeding is breathing
You're hiding, underneath the smoke in the room
Try, bleeding is believing]
I walked out of the room, collecting myself in
the shadows but also knowing that they brought the same unfathomable loneliness
that I was feeling right now. I wrapped my arms
around my body securely and looked out for the perfect soldier once more.
He
had to be here, he just had to be. Guests were
entering and exiting right and left, I couldn't help but let a tear drip
from my eyes
as I spotted a clock. Right now it was ten-thirty.
If he was coming he should have arrived already.
'If he was coming to the funeral.' I reminded
myself and shook my head. I walked out of the room to head home.
I didn't
bother to go back and tell my Mother that I was
leaving. She would know I was gone, and at that moment it didn't matter
where I was heading for. It was true, I had to
make sure I didn't get killed; it would put too much strain on her already
heavy
shoulder.
But then again, it wouldn't matter would it?
When will be the next time I see Heero? I knew that he cared; I could
see it in his
eyes. I knew that he-
In my preoccupied walk, I fell to my knees after
tripping on a lone stone in the road. A stinging pain tainted my legs and
parts
went numb. I pulled the limps up toward me, dirtying
and tethering the long cloth under me that was my dress. I winced through
the torn strings that once held together my dress.
My knees were covered in crimson blood that slowly trickled down my legs.
I hobbled to my feet and looked around for a bench
I could sit down on, to take a moment to tend to the wounds. It wouldn't
help much until I got home, but since the dress
was already a mess, it wouldn't make much of a difference if I used the
remainders of the skirt as bandages.
As I walked, looking for a bench, I heard a familiar
voice. Heero! I knew he'd be here! I hobbled towards him, planning to
greet him with a hug. But I stopped, when I saw
whom he was with. The boy from the beach, the one who'd shot him. I didn't
trust the longhaired boy, not at all.
I moved closer, but froze when they kissed. Heero
kissed the idiot! And then, my heart broke even more as he wrapped him
in
a tight hug, proving he hadn't been forced into
doing it. I turned and ran, crying. They never saw me.
[I used to
My mouth is dry
Forgot how to cry
What's up with that]
I cried constantly as I ran home, forgetting the
pain of my father's death, forgetting the pain in my legs. Only remembering
the
pain Heero and the unknown boy had caused. They
had shattered my already fragile heart with one moonlit action, and even
though Heero knew how I felt about him. He knew!
I couldn't believe that he would do something
like that. He couldn't! I curled up into a small ball in the corner of
my room.
I was home now, but it still seemed too vacant
and lifeless. It was a house of actors; nothing in the house was real.
Lies, that
was the only thing that outstretched. And
there was nothing that could fill back the love that had been spilled.
I had dropped
the glass and the spilled milk had already caused
as much great damage; what would have happened if Father was here?
He wasn't here to tell me that it was okay, I
was the only one here, sitting hallow on the floor.
[You're hurting me
I'm running fast
Can't hide the past
What's up with that
You're pushing me]
I shook my head as I looked back to my bloodied
knees and wanted to cry again. I shook my head, leading myself to my
closet. I pulled the tattered dress off and decided
that I was going to confront Heero. I knew where he was and I needed to
talk to him, to get some closure to all the open
doors.
I grabbed the only pair of jeans that I owned
and pulled them on, I didn't want to stand out on a night like this. I
also pulled on
a simple button-up white shirt. I needed to face
what was going on, one thing at a time. Since the answer was so close,
I could
end this part now. I took a deep breath as I
pulled open my drawer to find a shiny, black gun.
'Just in case,' I noted to myself. I couldn't
get killed, not now. This was just for precautionary reasons. You would
never know
when it would be needed. I pulled the gun in
my pocket, but not before I made sure it was loaded. What good would it
do to
carry one without bullets? I couldn't very well
knock an Oz officer over the head and expect to win. Especially since they
would
had a loaded gun. I walked out of the front door
and broke into a run.
The sooner I reach him...them, the sooner I could
put an end to what I had been dreaming about. I needed to vary it as fact
or
fiction.
[Why, bleeding is breathing
You're hiding, underneath the smoke in the
room
Try, bleeding is believing]
As I raced to the park, I began to realize they
could've left. If they did, I would hunt them to the ends of the Earth,
and all
throughout space. This would not go unexplained.
It would not.
When I reached the park, I was tired, but I would
go on. I slowly and quietly walked to where the two had been, and looked,
making sure they were still there. They were.
Only now, instead of hugging, they were lying on the grass, holding each
other,
and looking up at the stars.
I stepped out of the shadows, and Heero turned,
pointing his gun at my head. The other boy lay there, his hat pulled low
over
his eyes, not paying any attention. When Heero
saw it was me he relaxed a bit. The other boy stayed lied down.
"What the hell do you want?" he asked me icily, and I took another step forward. Then the other boy spoke.
"Ojousan, before you come any closer, drop the
gun," was all he said, but the way he said it froze me in my tracks.
[I used to
Why, bleeding is breathing
You're hiding, underneath the smoke in the
room
Try, bleeding is believing
I saw you crawling on the floor]
How did he know that?! I shook my head. "It's
for precaution. I'm not planning on firing it unless you force me to."
This time the
braided pilot sat up and smiled to me coldly.
"As if a chick like you could even dream of hitting a gundam pilot!" I
smiled right
back to him. "And why couldn't I?"
"Because you aren't quick enough, fast enough, and possibly smart enough."
"Smart ass." I mumbled under my breath. I looked
back to Heero. "Just answer me one question, you at least owe me that."
My suspicions were next to confirmed as the other
pilot hopped to his feet and walked over to Heero, resting his head on
his
shoulder. "And what would that be?" Heero questioned,
folding his arms.
"Why?" I pulled my hand to the gun tucked securely in my pocket.
"Why what?" The American questioned, planting
a quick kiss on Heero's cheek. I cringed as I saw that. It just wasn't
right and
I wouldn't be able to accept that. "Why don't
you love me?" He was taken aback at that. But he wasn't thrown off completely.
"Get it through your head, ojousan. Heero just
doesn't and there isn't anything you can do about it."
"Shut up, I asked Heero not you." He glared to
me but turned his attention back to Heero, gripping his hand. Heero finally
spoke up; I wasn't going to hide from the reality.
Even if it hurt like hell. Everything was gone for me now if Heero didn't
love
me. There wasn't anything left if he didn't,
so I needed this answer from him.
[Why, bleeding is believing
You're hiding, underneath the smoke in the
room
Try, bleeding is believing
I saw you falling on the floor]
"I love Duo," was Heero's quiet answer. "And I
don't love you because you're not him." The other pilot hugged him tight,
and I
felt as if everything I needed for living had
been ripped out of my body, and thrown under the feet of their gundams.
My vision spun. I knew he was telling the
truth, but it still hurt. I turned and walked from the clearing, melting
once more into
the shadows. But, instead of leaving, I turned
and stayed hidden in the shadows, watching the two.
Heero was still being hugged the American, and
I reached for my gun. The one I had promised not to use. I pulled the heavy
metallic thing out of my pocket and looked at
it. It looked so small, but it was so deadly. My mind raced back to the
braided
idiot's words, how I couldn't kill a pilot. He
was going to see how wrong he was. They both were.
I gripped the gun in both hands and took aim.
I steadied myself and pointed the gun to the gundam pilots, aiming for
the
American. I didn't care what happened any more,
I was going to do what I wanted and not mind, or notice the consequence.
I
took aim, pulled the trigger and watched the
bullet fly.
Ripping through the air, the two spun around and
looked at me but it was too late. I watched as the braided pilot pulled
out a
gun, Heero fell to the ground, and the black
that over came my vision.
Death, huh?
I think I found my new love, something that had
already captured me. That darkness was so inviting, shooting through my
skin,
tearing my flesh apart.
Finally, it ends.
