Warning: May or may not be completed. It all depends on ravenangel23's fic. 8D
Disclaimer: Me, myself, and I, do not own D.Gray-Man. Even the plot isn't mine! D8 lowl This is just my rendition of ravenangel23's "Love in Denial". Told in our favorite white-haired exorcist a.k.a. Allen's POV.
A/N: Holy crap. I'm writing! I'm writing a fanfic whereas I should be writing my Pol. Sci. project. swt Just came back after, what, 3 years? Hell that is way too long. Give me some love. Hah!
This fic is the sister-fic to my shistah's, ravenangel23, "Love in Denial." This story deals with Allen's POV. So, read hers first before mine! The outcome for this fic will also follow hers. Anything that happens to her fic will be here, though I may edit them a bit. And, about the title, I'll think of something to replace it, so, yeah.
I'll change the title later... so... on with the fic! Ha!
--wthwthwthwthwthwth--
Missions have been scarce lately, not that I'm complaining. It had been a huge relief for me… for us. Having to face an akuma after another is very tiring… and a nightmare on my part. Though I appear unruffled on the outside, I am actually a whole lot of a mess in the inside. You very well know what I'm talking about, right?
This eye of mine, which everyone considers as a huge benefit for the sake of saving people, is a time bomb for me… a time bomb that will eventually blow my sanity into millions of pieces.
Sad, isn't it?
Though, with this time bomb, I am able to see who is an akuma. With this eye, we can strike first, obliterating our enemy in an instant. Because of that, I am really thankful for this eye. It helps me protect my friends. It helps me to save lives.
Although this is the case, I cannot erase its existence as a curse… a curse that will forever haunt me… a curse that will always make me see hell everyday that I will have no choice but to swallow the bile rising up my throat to maintain the unruffled, carefree, cheerful and childish Allen Walker that people are so used to see.
If I do that, people will not worry about me. No one will be pushed to care for me out of concern. I know that they will worry about me from time to time, that's inevitable, but with my happy mask in place, they will eventually go and find some other person that needs taking care of. If that will be the case, then they will have no reason to take care of me, to be close to me.
It's not that I smile to provide comfort or to ensure other people not to worry about me. My smile is more like my defense against their approaches. I smile to say, "Really, just leave me alone and I'll be fine."
I act like this not for the people around me. I wear this well crafted façade of happiness so that people will not bother me. I do all of these for my own benefit and to ensure myself that people will never bother me by worrying about me or what not because they will see I have my smile in place. Nobody worries about a boy who's smiling, right?
For short, I do all of these for myself. By doing these things, I will certainly have a gap established between me and the people around me…a gap that they will never be able to cross…a gap that will prevent them from getting close to me.
A gap that will prevent them from loving me… A gap that will prevent me from loving them back.
If I do all of these right, I will never have to relive the pain of losing a loved one ever again.
--wthwthwthwthwthwth--
This first chapter is… very off with ravenangel23's first one. D8
I dunno why, but this came off a bit… dark. Darker than I anticipated it to be. Although not that dark, but it's still too dark for me…swt
Either way... Review. All thoughts welcomed. Thanks for reading.
