It takes longer than Merlin expects for Arthur to begin asking him any questions about his magic. When they'd first arrived back in Camelot Merlin had been surprised to find that the city was exactly the same as they'd left it and that the occupants of the castle had all treated him as they always had. It felt like everything about his life had changed out in the woods when Arthur had learned he was a sorcerer. Surely things couldn't just go back to the way they were? And yet they did. It was as if nothing had ever happened, like it had almost been a dream, except Merlin knew it wasn't because he had a sore wrist and every so often he'll catch Arthur deep in thought, a pensive look in his eyes, one that disappears as soon as he notices Merlin is looking.
It takes a week for Arthur to bring it up. It's already late, and while he's spent most of the evening drinking quietly by the fire in his room, every time Merlin tries to leave Arthur tells him to stay a little longer. At first he comes up with tasks for Merlin to do, tasks that could easily wait till the morning, or until next week, and eventually Arthur stopped trying and just told him to stay. So Merlin sits next to the fire, leaning his back against the wall and decides he might fall asleep there. He's just managed to drift off, lulled by the warmth and the crackling from the fire when Arthur speaks.
"The windstorm, in Ealdor, that was you."
It isn't a question, not really, but judging by the silence that follows Arthur seems to be waiting for a response. Merlin nods, eyes still closed.
"Are you going to be awake for this, or will I be conversing with a sleeping man?"
Merlin considers not answering, but he's been living in a state of constant trepidation for a week already and he knows it is better to get it over with. He opens his eyes, raising his gaze to meet Arthur's. The prince is watching him closely, and Merlin shivers under the intensity of his gaze.
"What else?"
"Have I done?"
Arthur nods, his eyes not leaving Merlin's, waiting for him to continue.
"Everything," Merlin whispers.
"Tell me?" It is a question this time, an offer, not a command.
Merlin breaks eye contact first and glances towards the fire, staring into the flames as if they hold all the answers to the uncertainty inside of him. And then he starts to talk, to tell Arthur his story from the beginning. There are times Arthur doesn't even remember and times that Arthur wonders how he hadn't realized anything before. The snakes coming alive on Valiant's shield unbidden, and the light guiding Arthur as he searched for the flower that would save Merlin's life after Merlin willingly drank poison to save his life.
"Gauis told me-after I drank the poison-that I was whispering about you, that I created a light in my palm. I don't even know how, I don't know what I did."
"There was a globe, a light. It guided me while I... when I was trying to find the flower. At first I thought that the witch sent it to finish me off, but it. I don't know. It comforted me, somehow, it got me out," Arthur explains, interrupting for the first time since Merlin had begun.
Merlin smiles softly, meeting Arthur's eyes once more. "I think my magic likes you more than I do sometimes."
Arthur scoffs, than waves a hand, a signal for Merlin to continue.
It isn't easy. There are times when Arthur can see tears form in his eyes, like when they fall silently as Merlin tells of how he'd killed Nimueh after trying to sacrifice himself in order to save Arthur and then his mother.
They've been talking for several hours when Merlin falls silent once more, after Arthur offhandedly mentions the day Morgana had first disappeared.
"I think I need some sleep now, sire, if it's all the same to you," Merlin finally says.
Arthur nods, looking around as if coming out of a trance as he realizes how late, or early, it has become.
"Right, of course. Well, I'm sure Gaius is wondering where you've been. Or maybe not, if all your stories are anything to go by."
The ghost of a smile graces Merlin's lips but doesn't reach his eyes, and Arthur wonders what thoughts are filling his head after their talk.
"There is more, Arthur. But I think. Maybe tomorrow?"
"Of course. When you're ready. I've plenty to think about already. All you've done for me."
Merlin only nods, finally rising to his feet and making his way towards the door. He pauses before exiting, hand on the doorknob, turning only his head to speak.
"Thank you, Arthur. For listening, for trusting me. I know you don't like having to hide things from your father, but... just, thank you."
He leaves before Arthur can reply.
Xxx
Once Merlin had started talking he'd found it difficult to stop. The stories had flown easily once they were begun, and while Merlin had forgotten some small details he remembered enough to tell Arthur all he wanted to know. When Arthur had mentioned Morgana however, Merlin had found the words drying up again. He didn't know how to tell Arthur about Morgana's visions, or if he should. He didn't know how to tell him that he'd poisoned her, sent her into Morgause's arms. And after that, how to tell about his father, and that he was now a Dragonlord, and that the great dragon wasn't dead. All these thoughts had suddenly overwhelmed Merlin and he found himself incredibly tired, suddenly unable to continue.
He isn't surprised to find that Gaius is already asleep when he returns to his rooms. He barely manages to pull off his boots before falling into bed and into sleep.
Merlin wakes late the next morning. He didn't expected Arthur to let him sleep in, but he isn't surprised by the indulgence either. There wasn't any need for Merlin to serve him that morning anyways, no matters of state to attend or nobles to greet. Even after he'd woken he lays in bed, thinking, knowing he'll have to continue his conversation with Arthur eventually and questioning what he should say. He knows it isn't his place to tell Arthur of Morgana's visions and very possible magical capabilities. It would be too difficult and painful for both of them to discuss that issue without full disclosure, so Merlin decides he will skip over that story for the time being. He also decides that he'll talk to Morgana, something he should have done long ago. Now that he knows that Arthur will keep his secret he has no doubts that he would be willing to keep Morgana's as well, should she choose to confide in him. But that has to be her own decision, not one Merlin makes for her.
So, he will tell Arthur instead of the loss of his father and the additional responsibility he holds now, as a Dragonlord.
