Retaliate

Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds, not me.

Summary: After Emily becomes the victim of a prank, she vows revenge on the pranker. What will happen?

A/N: So this was originally a series of oneshots, but since there are in fact a few prank stories I've done, I re-edited them and will be posting them as a three shot.

Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a review.


Albert Camus said "Retaliation is related to nature and instinct, not to law. Law, by definition, cannot obey the same rules as nature."


Emily stormed out of the bullpen, cheeks flushed with rage running through her veins.

Quickly flashing back to her walking out of JJ's office with her case file as she walked over to her desk, she sat down only to feel her chair wet.

Shifting around to look only to feel her chair fall apart and fall flat on her ass in the middle of the bullpen.

She saw the shocked and amused faces of fellow agents stare at her, and she quickly got up only to notice that the back of her pants where wet.

Grabbing her go bag she stormed down to the locker room with a change of clothes.

A voice in the break room caught her attention.

"I loved it." Hotch said laughing "That was hands down the best prank I've ever seen."

Emily paused, staring at the door in shock and anger, 'Hotch?'

"And it really worked?" Dave asked.

"Mm hmm" Hotch said "The back of the pants were totally wet. Looked like piss was on the back of the pants."

Emily grimaced, remembering how many people had looked at her as she rushed to the locker room.

'Oh, Agent Hotchner' Emily thought darkly as she glared at the door 'This means war.'

Emily went down to the supply closet and got a new chair, relieved that her old one was removed while she had changed. A smirk graced her face as she sat in her new chair, forming a plot to punish the man she had a crush on.

Emily looked over to see Morgan frown at her, "What?" Emily asked.

"You look..." Morgan said eyeing her oddly "Off."

"What do you mean, off?" Emily asked suspiciously.

Shaking his head, "Never mind."

Emily looked up to see Hotch go up to his office. Grabbing her case files, she went up to his office with the lie in her head rehearsed.

"Come in" Hotch said smirking when he saw her enter "Yes?"

"Here are my finished files." Emily said placing them on his desk "I'm going to go take my lunch break now."

"Ok" Hotch replied shaking his head as he watched her rush out of the bullpen at full speed.


"He he" Emily chuckled lightly as she used the to unlock Hotch's apartment door, rushing to the alarm she typed in Jack's birthdate disarming the alarm.

'Should've never given me a key, bastard.' Emily thought as she wandered through the apartment heading towards his bedroom.

Opening the drawers, she pulled the items with a smirk on her face throwing them in the bag.

Walking over to his bathroom, and opened up the door and headed to the shampoos, picking up the regular scented shampoos she switched it with the fruity flavors.

Hearing the front door unlock, Emily dove under the bed and hid, looking at black shoes of her boss she winced.

'Crap' Emily thought and heard him head for the bathroom, she crawled out from under the bed and raced for the door glad that she sill had the bag with her.

The next morning, Emily heard Hotch's standard issued black shoes click across the floor and turned to see the pissed off look on his face.

'Ha' Emily thought smirking on the inside as he marched up the catwalk towards his office slamming the door shut.

"Wow" Morgan said from his desk "He is pissed."

"Mm hmm" Emily commented looking over at him "I noticed."

"Wonder what has his panties in a wad." Morgan said shaking his head.

Emily laughed at his words causing him to shake his head at the oddity, "I'm going to go get my coffee."

Emily wandered into the break room, pouring her coffee while trying to control her laughter.

"What's so funny, gumdrop?" Garcia asked grabbing a coffee mug.

"Oh, just a little prank." Emily said handing over the coffee pot to Garcia.

"Oh, you've forgiven him?" Garcia asked looking at Emily's confused face "What?"

"You knew?" Emily asked "About my chair?"

"No it's not like he told me or anything, I walked in on them talking about it." Garcia said seeing the look in her eyes.

"You could've warned me" Emily muttered, "My butt has a big bruise on it from falling out of that damn chair."

"Fall out of your chair?" Garcia asked "What does that have to do with wet pants?"

"Hotch screwed with my chair and it fell apart." Emily said.

"Hotch?" Garcia repeated "No I'm talking about Morgan. Morgan messed with your chair?"

"I heard Hotch talking about it." Emily said.

"Look" Garcia said "I walked into the break room, Hotch, Dave and Morgan were in there talking about Dave's early BAU days and the pranks they used to do. Then Morgan asked if Hotch had any old pranks he did, Hotch told them about the chair incident and the spilled water thing."

"Morgan did this?" Emily asked "Why the hell am I not surprised?"

"Because it's Morgan" Garcia said then frowned "Did you do something to Hotch?"

Garcia saw Emily walk in defeat and embarrassment through the bullpen up to Hotch's office grabbing the bag.


The brunette begrugingly knocked on his office door, hearing a gruff "Come in."

"Hotch?" Emily called out holding the bag tight "Can I talk to you?"

"About?" Hotch asked.

"Why you're so pissed off." Emily said "I know why. Here."

Emily placed the bag on his desk, he opened it, eyes wide in shock, "You stole all my underwear?" he asked.

"Yeah, sorry." Emily said apologetically "But to be honest it really wasn't all my fault."

Hotch narrowed his eyes at her causing her to bite her lip, "Morgan." she replied.

Hotch's eyes scanned the bullpen, "What about him?"

"He played this practical joke on me, and I thought it was you." Emily said "I overheard you telling Dave about some prank from back in the day. And well my chair did fall apart."

"Morgan" Hotch gritted out as he took the bag and placed it by his desk "God, well are you ok?"

"My ass will live." Emily said "But I can't believe I thought it was you who made me all wet."

Hotch smirked at her words, while she winced, "Crap, you know what I mean."

"Mm hmm" Hotch snorted.

"Get your mind out of the gutter." Emily said "I need to get him back for this."

Hotch watched her pace his office and look into the bullpen, "Slash his tires?"

"No." Hotch said "Give him all your paper work to do?"

Shaking her head, "He'll just glom it off on Reid."

Emily turned around with a smirk on her face, "I got it!"

"What?" Hotch asked watching her walk out of his office leaving him perplexed and intrigued.


Emily watched as Reid left for the night, and turned to see Morgan working on his paper work. A quick glance up she saw Hotch watching her, giving him a nod she walked over to Morgan.

"Hey" Emily said leaning in voice husky with a touch of sultry "You almost done there?"

Morgan froze up when she touched his shoulder, making him look up at her.

"Almost" Morgan whispered.

"Need a hand?" Emily asked raising a eyebrow "It looks hard."

The color drained from Morgan's face as she leaned in, "You seem flushed, are you ok?"

"Fine" Morgan croaked out.

Emily leaned in her lips millimeters from his face, "Hold still."

Emily touched his cheek in a caressing touch, then pulled back, "Got it."

"Huh?" Morgan asked squirming under her touch "What?"

Lifting a finger up, "Want me to blow it?"

"What?" Morgan said shocked.

"The eyelash" Emily said putting confusion on her face, "What's wrong with you?"

"I don't know." Morgan said "Oh look. I'm finished."

Looking at his crotch "You sure are." Emily said "Night."

Morgan grabbed the files raced out leaving the bullpen like a bolt of lightning.

Hotch came out of his office, smirking and clapping "Bravo, I am impressed."

"Thank you, thank you" Emily turned curtsying "I'm here all week."

Wandering down to her, "You know I got to say, I never give you enough credit."

"Huh?" Emily said.

"You manage to work Morgan up and scare the crap out of him but you never realized something" Hotch said walking to her.

"What?" Emily asked.

Hotch grabbed her kissing her, "You got me worked up too." Pulling her in for another kiss his tongue dominating her.

As he pulled back he looked at her, to which she replied, "I won't run, I'm not Morgan."

"Good to hear, because I don't want to kiss him" Hotch said leading her up to his office "And don't go stealing my underwear unless you plan to handle my problem."

Emily smirked as she closed his office door, "Oh I plan to... Now drop those pants."


"It's all fun and games until one of you gets my foot up your ass." Author Unknown


To Be Continued...

See this review button? He got lost and is trying to find his way home...