"Was I addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain, of loving someone so unattainable?" HEA

Preface

She sees him standing across the hall looking ever the fine man that he is. He is tall and well-built, with dark hair that a woman can only dream of running her hands through. He catches her gaze and smiles; the smile that makes her stomach flutter as butterflies explode in delight. They know, just as she knows, that her heart is caught in the kaleidoscope of love for a man that has no idea the extent of her feelings for him. Christian Grey, the Prince, and heir apparent to the Veronian throne.

He beckons her towards him and his fan club of manly men, suck-ups as some would call them, with a simple motion of his finger. She glides over to him, careful not to trip with his constant stare on her. Her heart beats faster, just as it always does when she is around him. Some would say it is his beauty that draws women to him like a moth to the flame. His is, as many tabloids proclaim, one of the most striking and sexiest men in the world. She does not claim to be immune to his beauty, he is indeed the most beautiful man in her eyes, but she is drawn more to his intelligence than anything else. She is attracted to his laugh and that look he gets on his face when he concentrates too hard. Nothing compares to his sheer manliness that she knows no other to have.

"Ms. Steele," he speaks in acknowledgment. The men around him hang onto every word he utters. Despite his casual tones, he holds himself regal, enough that one with no knowledge of who he is would still bow down to him out of the sheer instinct of his radiating power. The men surrounding him turn to look towards her. She smiles at the five men of varying ages and ranks, but her focus is on the man who spoke her name.

"Your Royal Highness." She speaks softly and clearly with respect to her future King. His responding laughter is light, the sound warming her heart. "Gentlemen, this is my new and number one assistant, she was my former assistant's secretary, but Andrea has gone on indefinite leave, therefore Anastasia has replaced her," the Prince states proud of Ana's promotion. The man closest to her left, who is introduced as Lord Lincoln takes her hand and gently places a kiss on the back of it. Ana shivers, but not in pleasure. This type of greeting has always made her slightly uncomfortable. She swiftly looks back to the Prince, who is peering down at the full wineglass in his hand. She gives a small smile to Lord Lincoln, but given her uneasiness, she is afraid that it looked more like a grimace.

"It is a pleasure to meet such a young beauty as you, Anastasia," Lord Lincoln speaks not unkindly.

"Likewise," the young girl looks down in slight submission.

"How is His Royal Highness treating you with your new placement?" the lad across from her says in a brash voice. "If he is not up to par, you can always be my secretary, I'm always in need of a new one. It seems like most of my secretaries run out in a matter of weeks. These poor girls nowadays cannot handle the thought of hard work. My wife thinks the same in our home life; that old hag is quite lazy. Not entirely in our private chambers, however." Ana feels disgusted as the men around her laugh at the man's attempt at being comical. Perhaps he was trying to impress the Prince at his outlandish remarks, but one look at His Royal Highness shows that he is not in the least bit amused. The testosterone ridden group quickly stops laughing. Ana takes it as her cue to answer the imbecile's question.

"His Royal Highness is very generous with aiding my progression into my new duties. It has been a challenging but insightful experience so far." She glances over to the Prince. "I have enjoyed every moment of my transition." The Prince's face transforms into a grin.

"Ms. Steele is the daughter of the late Raymond Steele, Duke of Montesano," The Prince announces to the group. "I met him when I spent a brief time as a squadron leader in the Veronian Army. The Duke had an enthusiasm for life that I was drawn to. When he passed a few years back, I offered to enlist Anastasia around the royal grounds. She has been an enormous help to my mother and my sister. A year ago, I recruited her as my personal secretary, and now she has proven to handle the obligations of being my personal assistant. She will be aiding me in the upcoming royal tour." He beams with something akin to pride as he engages the men on the topic of all things Anastasia. She blushes bashfully as the men appraise her.

A man, who was earlier introduced as Paul Clayton, the Earl of Izze, smirks at her. He is younger than most of the men in the group. Some women would describe him as ruggedly handsome, but Ana was not some women. "I have heard of the former Duke of Montesano, what of the former Duchess?" he rasps. Ana bristles internally, but she simply smiles politely to the Earl.

"She passed away when I was a young girl, I don't remember her too well," Ana says softly. The men around her sigh in sympathy for the parentless girl. The future King, who slowly inched closer to her, briefly touched her hand in a gesture of sympathy. Her heart skipped a beat.

"Who watched over you while your father was away in the Army?" Ana began to find this line of questioning annoying, but her manners would not let her show it. She casts her eyes down as she recalls the difficult time in her life while her father was called off to duty.

"I stayed in the countryside with a distant cousin, a bit of a hippie if you ask me. It was an interesting and educating time of my life." Ana submits.

"May I ask your age, Miss Anastasia," asks the Earl. Ana bristles again as she tears her gaze away from the Prince's sympathetic touch. Ana pauses for a moment, enough to create a small bout of awkwardness. She looks over to the Prince again, almost as to ask for permission or maybe for saving from the ongoing questions, but he once again is looking down at the wineglass in his hands.

"I have just turned eighteen years old." She replies in a semblance of attention to the Earl.

"What shock," The Earl proclaims, "I would have thought that you were at least mid-twenties."

"She is very mature," agrees another man of whose name and status has escaped from her mind.

To Ana, it almost sounded as if they were seeking approval from the future king as to potentially court her. Ana knew that these men would be gravely disappointed to find out the answer from both the future king and her. However, the Prince moved the conversation along, as to completely erase any idea of potentially courting her from the fan clubs' minds. Ana felt somewhat discarded from the Prince's brisk manner. They discussed policies and auctions; things that Ana did not care about but should be taking note of as one of her duties to her new job. She couldn't focus though; she was incredibly distracted by the Earls predatory look directed her way. She felt extremely uncomfortable from his ill-mannered actions in the presence of the Prince. She felt the Prince grab her elbow, a gesture that meant he needed her immediate attention.

"Gentlemen enjoy the rest of the gala, I hope to see you all around, perhaps for a round of sailboat racing," the Prince politely dismissed the men surrounding him. He guided Ana away from the group towards a hidden side door that leads to a hallway. He pushed the door aside and guided her to walk through the opening.

"I need to apologize Ms. Steele for the obvious lack of manners that some of those gentlemen where exhibiting. My intention of introducing you was for potential networking, not for some of those men to prey on you," He voices humbly.

His face is close to hers; she can smell his manly scent that completely clouds her brain. She is utterly shocked that he, the Heir Apparent to the throne, is apologizing to her.

"It's alright," Ana whispers and looks down in slight shame because it definitely was not good as she stated.

"Ana," He speaks softly. She looks up. "It is not satisfactory behavior and is not what I condone. He will be spoken to by one of my staff members. He should not show such outward leering at any women, let alone you. It is unmannered, especially at a Royal Gala. I could sense how uncomfortable you became. It was not my intention to set him with you." His gray eyes show genuine emotion, something that is quite rare with him. He is trained not to show emotion, they all are. As she looks into his gaze, she notices a quick flicker of another emotion, one she had never seen briefly on his face before. It was something unnamed but familiar, as she has experienced it all too much in the past couple of years she has come to know him.

Ana represses the hope that anything akin to love flashed in his eyes, or perhaps if it was love, it was similar to a protective love, the kind that one would receive from a brother or a father. Ana sees the flash of emotion again, as she notices her breathing has turned shallow and the butterflies have once again erupted in her stomach. She leans back against the wall that she feels near her. He leans forward, almost as if he is trying to keep her close or dare she say he might kiss her. The Prince must sense the change in her as his eyes suddenly turn to molten; his gaze becoming hypnotizing and seductive. He leans in, but just as quick as it came, it goes away. He leans back and stuffs his hands in his pockets, very un-royal like. He subtly shakes his head and frowns harshly. It feels like his facial expressions are reprimanding her for thinking that there might be even a small possibility that he would want her as she wants him. She looks away from him, and down the hall.

"I will see you in my study bright and early in the morning," He dismisses her politely, just as he dismissed the men inside the ballroom. She looks back to him quickly and completes a slight curtsey.

As he turns and walks away, she feels completely empty. A pain not unknown creeping up into her thoughts, a stifling feeling that brings tears to her eyes. For the past few years, she has worked in his household. She felt kindness towards him due to his generosity of bringing her out of the countryside she was exiled to when her father past away. Somehow, over the years, her feelings developed into an all-consuming love. She was no one compared to him, but he was everything to her.

She could never be with him, ever. Not in the way she wanted to be. He doesn't feel an ounce of what she feels towards him. He was going to be the king of one of the most powerful countries in the world one day. She was just a lowly daughter of a deceased Duke, and now she is just a lowly assistant. He is betrothed while she hasn't ever had a boyfriend. He is experienced, in love and in life. She only knows what love is through her familial love. He is 30 years old. She is only 18. They would never be together and that hurt her more than anything. He is simply put one word: unattainable.

"La Douleur Exquise: the exquisite pain of wanting someone that you know you can never have and knowing that you will still try to be with them. Some have compared it to having drug-like effects."