Happy holidays everyone! Here's a Life on Mars, Ashes to Ashes Christmas story for you.
The holidays were always a depressing time, usually made more so by seemingly the entire world's insistence that everyone should be skipping around with merry little grins on their faces, singing cheery little carols into the wee hours of the morning. Never mind that this is the first time you've spent the holiday away from family, or that you've been through an ugly divorce, or that someone close to you has died the year before and you still feel the void they left behind. Be you a man or a woman, you needed to plaster a grin on your face and act like this is "the most wonderful time of the year" as one idiotic song put it.
First holiday away from family is something everyone has experienced at some point in their lives. It's always painful, particularly since one of the main focuses of the holiday was family togetherness. There were two Christmases in particular that stood out in Gene Hunt's mind. Oddly enough, it wasn't first hand experience with family separation for him, but for his two DIs: Sam Tyler, and seven years later, Alex Drake. Drake's first Christmas with the team happened to coincide with the aftermath of Gene's divorce---and his lingering grief over Sam's death.
The first Christmas that Sam had spent with the team had fallen on a dreary day. Nothing but a steady cold rain all day long. To add to the merriment, they had to investigate the death of a little boy, no more than a year old. Killed by his own father, as it turned out.
Sam was as disgusted as the rest of the team, and took off. Annie moved as if to follow him, but Gene stopped her, understanding Sam's need for space. He made damn sure to avoid the scum---no way in hell did that bastard deserve the title of 'father'---knowing in that instant he would not be able to stop himself from crossing the line into murder.
To The Railway Arms then, to get good and plastered. Nelson was cheerful, but knew enough to tone it down when he saw Gene's face.
"I see your Christmas has not been very merry so far, has it mon brave?"
"No it hasn't, and I'll thank you not to talk to me about it."
Nelson nodded and brought Gene a bottle of scotch. Gene supposed it was too much to ask that crime took the holiday off. Scum will be scum, be it December or July. If it wasn't him trying to clean up the mess, it was some other poor coppers.
That little boy haunted Gene. How easily would it have been his or Stu's fate. Of course, Stu caught up with death soon enough. Maybe that child was lucky, dying when he did. Being spared such a life. Then again, that boy could have made something of himself, like Gene had. There was no way of knowing though. No sense it dwelling on it either, wasn't going to bring the lad back to life.
"Hallo, Sam!"
Nelson's warm greeting made Gene look up from his drink. Sam lingered in the doorway, his eyes radiating pain. Gene was no fairy, but he had to agree with Annie's description of Sam's eyes: the most intense and expressive that he'd ever seen in a person's face. Sam shifted from one foot to another, looking as if he might bolt at any moment. Gene tilted his head in a "come here," gesture.
"Don't just stand there with the door open, Tyler! Come on, I'll buy you a drink."
Sam thought it over for a moment, and then, hesitatingly, joined Gene at the bar.
"What will it be mon brave?"
"Scot-scotch," Sam said, his voice catching on the word. He rubbed his eyes, and Gene saw that they were swollen and red rimmed. Sam had been crying earlier, and was clearly on the verge of doing so again. No wonder he hesitated before entering the pub.
"Why aren't you with your family, Nelson?" Sam asked quietly.
"Family can be defined in many ways, Sam. You know that."
"I guess I'm willing to consider you family, Nelson, long as you keep the booze coming," Gene said, trying to distract himself and Sam from their shared depression.
Sam gave a half-hearted chuckle to Gene's remark, then slipped back into silence once more. Meanwhile Gene found himself thinking of that little boy again, and how being with family hadn't done him a damn bit of good.
"So... I suppose you're eventually going home to the wife then?" was the next question asked by the DI.
"No, she's off visiting her mum."
"Why didn't you go with her? You two have a falling out?"
"What do you care?"
"I'm your friend," Sam answered, concerned.
"No we didn't have a falling out," Gene lied. "I just can't stand her mother."
Sam snorted, making it the second time that Gene had managed, ever so slightly, to lighten his mood. He could feel his own mood brightening a little as well. However, he nearly ruined it the next time he opened his mouth.
"Well, Tyler, you've been asking me some personal questions and I was nice enough to answer them. Now it's your turn. Why aren't you visiting with your family?"
Sam's face crumpled completely, and he hurriedly rose to his feet, fumbling in his pockets for money. "I-I-I have to go I-"
Gene grabbed Sam's arm, caught completely off guard by the other man's reaction.
"Oi! Oi! Drinks are on me remember? Sit back down. Didn't mean to strike such a nerve there," he said, worry slipping into his voice.
Not only were tears streaming down Sam's face, but his nose was running too. He was also shivering a little. Wordlessly, Nelson refiled Sam's drink and placed some paper napkins in front of him before leaving the two coppers alone once more.
"Sorry about that," Gene said once Sam had cleaned his face up a little. "You don't have to answer." Indeed, Sam's reaction had been an answer in itself.
"N-no, it's all right, Guv. I..." Sam swallowed hard. When he spoke again, he seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "You remember that business with Morgan?"
"Not this again! How many times do I have to tell you that you came back for us? You set things right. Been with us through too much to do anything else."
"That's exactly the point," Sam said flatly. "Don't think for a second I regret saving you---because I don't. But, by doing that... by choosing the team, I can never, ever, go back to Hyde, to my family. I hurt them, Gene. After everything they'd done for me I---" Sam was starting to come apart again, like a dam bursting. "My mum t-told me she understood. Th-that I made a promise, and that I always---I always---"
"Keep your promises," Gene finished for him. "That you do, Sammy Boy." He still didn't quite understand how Sam's choosing the team would prevent him from seeing his family. The clues he had gotten about Hyde from Sam, as well as the real reason behind Sam's transfer, painted the place in a rather dark light. Gene was actually starting to be grateful that Sam had got out from under the influence of Hyde when he did. He supposed it only figured that they would deal Sam one last cruel parting blow.
Gene found himself wishing that Cartwright would show up. Ever since Sam had arrived, he and Annie had shared a special bond that went far deeper than just an urge to shag each other's brains out. Sam had a real respect for Annie, treating her as an equal instead of another skirt. And Annie always seemed willing to listen to Sam, no matter how strange his words or behaviour. Gene sensed that she was also behind the disappearence of some of Sam's more extreme habits. She could probably talk to Sam without making him cry. Or if she did, knew how to help him stop. Birds had it easier than blokes in that respect.
Just what the hell was he supposed to say in response to Sam's story? If anything? Gene thought about changing the subject, but the only other thing that came to mind was that murdered little boy. Not an improvement.
"I had always wanted a brother. Wasn't going to happen, what with my father walking out when I was so young and my mum never remarrying."
Good, Sam had decided to change the subject himself. Though it was a bit abrupt, and as usual with Tyler, Gene had a hard time figuring out just where he was going with it. At least Sam had finally stopped crying.
"And then I came here," Sam said softly, getting a faraway look in his eyes.
"You trying to say you think of me as your brother?" Gene asked, not entirely sure how he felt about that. Maybe a little touched. Just a little.
"Actually I was thinking that Chris is like the little brother I never had. Always wanted someone to look up to me."
"Can't say I'm surprised, with that ego of yours," Gene muttered.
Sam smiled slightly. "And you're like the big brother I never had."
"Oi, enough with the sentimentality, before I lose my lunch."
Gene couldn't help but feel that Sam might want to rethink the whole like-a-brother-to-me business. Gene hadn't done too well by his own brother, how would he managed with a surrogate, especially one that managed to get himself into as much trouble as Sam did? Then again, as Sam had said, Sam no longer had any family of his own. The team and the job were all he had left now. Someone had to look after him, and Cartwright shouldn't be forced to do it all by herself either.
Sam had chuckled at Gene's protest before returning his attention to his drink. There was still a lingering sadness in his eyes, but there was also a spark of hope as well.
"What do you want to do now?" Sam finally asked.
"How about shoot all off-key carolers, by which I mean, all carolers. Holidays are depressing enough without having to listen to their caterwauling."
"Bah, humbug to you too, Mister Scrooge," Sam replied, sitting back and folding his arms, his eyes on the floor.
"It's not like you're exactly Mister Sunshine either, nor should you be. Any bastard tells you to cheer up because it's Christmas, knock their teeth in."
That got another snicker from Sam. "Got it," he said finally.
Tune in next time for Gene's first Christmas with Alex. I'll try not to take too long...
