Spider-Bat Presents
Harry Potter
and
The Half-Witted Musical 2
Chapter 1: Hermione's Mom
It started one very fine day at Hogwarts. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were talking about their school.
"I love Hogwarts!" said Harry.
"Me too-- what? I can't hear you! I think I'm deaf!" said Ron.
"I love to learn!" said Hermione.
"I love magic!" said Harry.
"I love you, Harry!" said Ron.
"Um…"
"What? I can't hear you! I think I'm deaf!"
"Hidy ho, kids!" said Dumbledore. "I have some terrible news!"
"GASP!" yelled the children.
"Evil Lord Voldemort is taking over Hogwarts!"
"GASP!" yelled the children.
"What are we going to do?" asked Harry.
"I don't know!" Dumbledore said, leaving the room.
"I know!" said Hermione.
"How is it you know everything?" asked Harry. "It doesn't make sense!"
"Yes, but has anything ever made sense in this book series?" asked Ron. "In the first year, why did Dumbledore destroy the Sorcerer's Stone when he could've given it to Harry and we all wouldn't have to worry about him dieing all the time?
"In the second year, why didn't Harry just lie and tell Dobby he wasn't going to Hogwarts, and go anyway? The thing would've gone away, but no!
"And why couldn't we bring a chicken into the Chamber of Secrets instead of forcing Harry to battle it?
"And in our 4th year, why the hell didn't you kill Voldemort in the graveyard when he was busy running from the ghosts? IDIOT!"
"Well, Ron," said Hermione. "it seems you put careful thought into this--"
"What? I can't hear you! I think I'm deaf!"
"Anyway, about what we can do…" Hermione said, pausing for dramatic tension. "We can call… my mom!"
"Why?"
"I read he's afraid of dentists!"
"Why?"
"Okay, in Secrets of Evil Dude Wizards in the 20th Century, plus 45 extra pages of pictures of socks, I read that he blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah-- Harry, are you listening to me?"
"Why?"
"Whatever," Hermione said. "let's call my mom!"
She grabbed a phone from out of nowhere and made a really bad word come from her mouth.
"Long distance charges!"
8,756 ¾ days later, Hermione's mom arrived at Hogwarts. While mowing the lawn, Harry and Ron suddenly noticed something and they pulled out their guitars.
"Hermione's mom has got it going on!
"Hermione's mom has got it going on!
"Hermione's mom has got it going on!
"Hermione's mom has got it going on!
"Hermione, why the heck is you mom at our scho-o-o-o-ol? At our school! Can she come and hang with us at the po-o-o-o-ol? Hang by the pool! Is she here on some kind on business trip? Business trip! Why's she here-- is she trying to give me the sli-i-i-i-ip? Give me the slip!
"You know I'm not the little boy that I used to be! Cause now I have that ADD!
"Hermione's mom has got it going on! She's all I want, and I hope she has a thong! Hermione can't you see, I just really have to pee! I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Hermione's mom!
"Hermione's mom has got it going on!
"Hermione's mom has got it going on!
"Hermione do you remember when I mowed the school's lawn? The schools lawn! Your mom came here, with just a red thong a-a-a-a-on! A thong on! I could tell she liked me right then and there! Then and there! And the way she was all in the ba-a-a-a-are! In the bare!
"And I know that you think it's just my ADD! But since your mom walked in she could use a guy like me!
"Hermione's mom has got it going on! She's all I want, and I hope she has a thong! Hermione can't you see, I just really have to pee! I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Hermione's mom!
"Hermione's mom has got it going on! She's got it going on! She's all I want, and I hope she has a thong! Hope she has it! Hermione can't you see, I just really have to pee! I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Hermione's mom!
"Hermione's mom! Oh-oh, oh-oh! I'm in love with Hermione's mom! Oh-oh, oh-oh! Wait a minute! Hermione can't you see that I just took a pee! I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Hermione's mom!"
5/24/05
