Floating. Weightless.
This takes me back; That first space walk. I smile. God, I was so scared. 'What if the tether snaps'? I sigh, or, at least, I think I do, it's hard to tell. I'm not scared now; Reason tells me I should be, for this time, there is no tether, nothing holding onto me, not in a physical sense anyway. Yet, I feel no fear.
I am calm. But I shouldn't be. A million voices scream inside my head, telling me to panic, telling me that this is neither right nor fair, convincing me that this is all a dream and if close my eyes and wait, I'll wake up, in the back-achingly flat bed in my quarters, back in their arms. Just to feel that embrace but once more…
But they are the voices of fools. This is real and no amount of wishing on my part is going to change that.
Destiny. It is an old concept. A concept that many people have rejected in today's society, but I cling to it like an old friend at times like these, not that there has ever been a time quite like this. A higher purpose. The thought gives me hope, has always given me hope and gives me a reason. A reason for the childhood that I led, or didn't lead as the case may be; A reason for Akuze, for being the last one standing; A reason for my very existence. And destiny is my reason now.
I am calm; I am reserved to my fate. But no man or woman can claim to die without regret. I regret now, though I endeavour to enjoy my last few seconds and relive happy memories, I cannot help it. With each positive is the lamentation that I will never have such experiences again.
But I have fulfilled my purpose. I destroyed Sovereign, I saved the galaxy and I attempted to leave it in capable hands. I had thought the fight was mine, but I see the folly of that now. It is arrogance to believe that another will not simply fill my place. Though, a spark of hope remains that this stranger cannot completely eradicate my memory, that my absence will be felt by some, though I wish more than anything that it will simply be accepted by all. Death is in the job description, after all. I know that better than anyone.
Floating. Weightless. This isn't so bad. The soft hiss as my suit slowly depressurises is all that I can hear and it is soothing, to a certain extent. I feel my body struggle instinctively, no longer under my control. I try to take a calming breath, but the air is sucked out of my lungs and replaced with the cold nothingness of space. At this, I start to panic, but it is too late. I have had my time and now it is gone.
Time…
Time is endless…
But it's never enough.
…
A/N: This is just a little something that popped into my head and I know it's been done before, but, I just had to write it down. The style of writing it is a bit weird for me and it's actually not how I was planning to write it, it just sort of came out. However, this is just Shepard's thoughts after the destruction of the Normandy, so, maybe it makes more sense to be sort of incoherent. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my little venture into Shepard's brain and please leave a review to tell me what you think. Constructive criticism, as always, is more than welcome.
