There were times I thought life would be okay.
Times when we were happy, just the world ahead of us and a thousand opportunities to make our lives better. A thousand opportunities to change the past; the present; the future. Everything seemed alright back then. Well, of course we'd have our usual troubles, but we had us. Team Free Will. A family. I felt as if nothing could ever go wrong, eventually of course it would. At some point, anyway. But those few moments stay with you forever. When you can just let go of everything for a few seconds and return to the dreamy days of the past. But of course dreams don't last very long; in the end you have wake up and face reality. And reality isn't what it used to be.
We have too many problems we just can't seem to solve. Sam is ill, and you. You're different. I know that everything that happened wasn't your fault, and I wish I could stop it, all of it. But I can't. The family that we have is broken. I remember you saying that you'd watch the bees, that you wouldn't fight. I'm sorry. We both know that times have changed and each one of us has to fight our own battles. You can't escape this. All the bees died out long ago. I feel lost. And afraid, I suppose. I never thought I'd be scared like this; I'm Dean Winchester, I've been to Hell and back, died 155 times... And I am afraid. I don't want Sam to die, I don't want to lose you.
We've got to find some way to get through this. We will get through this. This time will pass and every decision we make now will influence our futures. But 'future' is not as far away as it seems and we have to keep going. The road ahead is a long one, and I know that you're tired of this. I am too, but somehow, this time, I feel as if fate is on our side.
