"Hear Me" by: Imagine Dragons
Antonio couldn't help watching the little digits countdown on his phone. It caused him to squirm each and every time, unable to hold still on the last minute remaining of the thirty he always set for his friend. It was their deal. Lovino got thirty minutes of study and Antonio got fifteen for himself. Sometimes during those thirty minutes, Antonio would help by quizzing or listening as the other boy read aloud, but mostly, like now, Lovino preferred solitary study.
Which left a restless Antonio to lay on his back and stare at the sky, trying (and failing) to keep his eyes off the clock.
00:20
00:19
00:18
There was no pretense to the interest Antonio held in the stopwatch now and it was obvious Lovino could see it too. During these last seconds Lovino always seemed restless as well, but not for the same reasons as Antonio. While Antonio was practically bouncing for the time off of study, Lovino only grew more irritated as he sensed his study time was almost up. Antonio felt guilty for stressing his friend out like that, especially when it had taken a good deal of stubbornness that Antonio never knew he had and bribery to sway his friend into study breaks in the first place, but he never could suppress his excitement. He had never had a reason to hide positive emotions before anyway, so it would have done no good anyway to try.
00:06
00:05
00:04
Antonio bit his lip as he peered up from his phone. He was on his belly, facing Lovino across the textbook that lay between them in the grass. The irritated Italian was staring determinedly at the extensive text in the book, eyes not taking in a word. He caught hazel eyes as they darted for their own peek at the clock. That little feeling entered Antonio's stomach again, the one he always got when he saw this look of panic his friend would have at the prospect of being dragged away from his work. He had to remind himself again that time away from the work, a second of relaxation, would do his friend good. When he could get Lovino to rest, to smile, to laugh, to drag his thoughts away from school, work, family, life, for two seconds, it was all worth these moments of guilt he felt for distressing in his friend.
A merry tune sounded from Antonio's phone. He knew better than to choose the same song more than once for the alarm because he was smart enough to know it would only condition his friend to see the song in a negative light. And, yes, Antonio could be smart.
Anyways, the song that played wasn't even relevant. What was relevant was how Antonio immediately snatched the textbook and snapped it closed. How he tossed it toward their bags which were tucked precariously on his side of the tree and how Lovino sat back with a sigh, resigned to his fate.
Antonio scrambled up, crossing his legs in front of him to face Lovino again, who was now leaning his back against the tree. He was already starting to settle - it was a good day. Some days it would take almost the whole break to get him to relax and sometimes it wouldn't happen at all. Things must have been pretty chill recently.
Lovino smirked at him. "So what is it today?"
Antonio's eyebrows stuck up, his own smile growing to mirror Lovino's despite his confusion. "Huh?"
"You know. That thing you've been doing." Lovino waved his hand as if to conjure the meaning of "that thing" in the air. "The coloring books. Meditation. The soundtrack of nature even though we're already outside. In nature."
"No, no, Lovi! Those sounds were way more nature-y! You just don't get the full experience in a public park!"
Lovino chuckled and leaned his head back. He looked tired. "You know what I mean, asshat."
Antonio's smile softened.
"So?"
Antonio looked up. "So?" He parroted.
"What's up with it all? Usually we just hang out and talk but now here you are bringing shit and planning." Antonio was silent for a time and Lovino rolled his eyes. "So, what is it today?"
Antonio took at Lovino's tired state. "I made a playlist. It was actually a lot of catchy stuff. You know, Taylor Swift, Mr. Brightside. That stuff people go crazy for. I think I'll play something else now that I think of it. Something more mellow."
Lovino looked at him for several long seconds, expression unreadable, before shrugging and looking away. "Alright."
"Don't think you've escaped my catchy playlist though." Antonio joked, "This is only a rain check." He whipped out his phone and scrolled to something light while Lovino muttered Idiot.
Antonio rolled onto his back and poked his friend in the side. "Come on. Let's watch the clouds."
Lovino's eyes fluttered open and Antonio could tell he had already been dozing. A flicker of worry appeared in Lovino's irises as he scooted down to lay beside him. "If I fall asleep you have to wake me up when the fifteen minutes are over."
"Nope. It'll be at least an hour." Antonio said lightly. The way he said it could be misconstrued for joking but in actuality he was completely serious.
"Twenty-five minutes." Lovino attempted to negotiate. Always so stubborn.
"Forty-five." Antonio shot back.
"Thirty."
"Thirty-five."
Lovino growled at the opposing stubbornness. If there was anything Antonio could out-stubborn the boy on, it was Lovino's wellbeing.
"Fine. But I won't be falling asleep."
They both knew that was a lie.
The sky that day was mostly covered in clouds, a wispy layer of white that let only the faintest traces of striking blue and sunlight through. Antonio found solace in them, letting his gaze wander over them like the sight before him was a magnificent painting in a museum. Somehow, no painting could capture nature at its most beautiful just as nature could not do a painting justice. The art forms were so different but both equally as beautiful.
Antonio never had any problem with relaxing. He took a siesta everyday, no matter how much he had on his to-do list. It was easy for Antonio to put himself before tasks like that because he knew his limitations. He was a good student, but the only times he found it worth his time to damn his limitations were when he thought he could help someone - especially those he cared about.
He had sacrificed his own homework on multiple occasions just to get Lovino to put his own down for two seconds. It wasn't the best way to handle it and Gilbert and Francis had told him time and time again how he could go too far when he wanted to help, but it was simply in Antonio's nature. What did homework matter when your best friend was working themselves into an early grave from the stress of their own?
Antonio didn't even realize how his tendencies were just as self-destructive as Lovino's.
They were opposite ends of the spectrum. Lovino worried too much and Antonio could barely worry at all. Well, that wasn't quite true either. It was more like… Lovino worried what others thought of him - people who didn't matter. His teachers. His father, the man who barely ever looked his way. Antonio cared for his friends almost to an extreme. They were the ones most important to his heart.
Antonio breathed slowly as he continued his search across the skies. Lovino's breathing was slow as well and Antonio turned his head to see that his friend had already fallen into a deep sleep. It was a wonder how Lovino could even function sometimes with how tired he was.
Antonio let Lovino sleep for over an hour.
-/-
The June when Antonio was ten all he wanted was to go back to California. The sun was different in New York. The streets were different. His friends were in California and so was most of his rather large family. And now the only solace to little fifth grader Carriedo was the new tire swing in his backyard, one in which he wasn't even allowed to play on until his parents deemed it 'sturdy'.
Meaning, all he was left to do in the summer heat was lay in the middle of his front yard and count how many birds fly overhead. It was better than doing anything in the backyard where the swing would only mock him, but now that he was watching what he thought were pheasants or something traverse the blue sky it only reminded him again that he was very very far away from home.
He missed the gulls he would see along the coast and the palm trees that sprouted along the sidewalks of little strip malls. He missed the suburban neighborhoods and ethnic restaurants and friendly people. Antonio was always a positive person, but after moving here (not even to the famous city parts of New York!) he was finding optimism a very difficult thing to achieve.
"Ciao! You must be our new neighbor!" A cheery, high-pitched voice startled Antonio out of his brooding reverie. Antonio sat up, looking over the newcomer that stood off to his side. They had short hair and a dress and a notebook in hand.
"Ciao?" Antonio wondered aloud, blinking up at the other.
They didn't seem abashed in the slightest at the confusion. In fact, the person just seemed more excited to share. "It's like 'hello'! Nonno says it's rude to speak Italian when people who can't speak it are around, but I always seem to find myself doing it anyway." They leaned forward then and whispered conspiratorially, "Between you and me, it's not all habit when I do it." They giggled and Antonio did so as well, though he wasn't quite sure why.
"I'm Feliciano, by the way!" The amiable boy offered.
"I'm Antonio." Antonio supplied himself. His parents had taught him manners, after all.
"So what are you doing, Antonio? Aren't you bored sitting alone here?"
Antonio laughed. Finally, a reason to laugh. He hadn't had many since the move. "More than you can imagine."
"Oh, I think I can imagine. I'm always on my own to play outside. Sometimes I draw or pick flowers and sometimes Lovino comes out too, but drawing and flowers can get old when you do it every day and Lovino barely gets to come out."
"Lovino?" Antonio asked.
Feliciano nodded enthusiastically. "My brother! Papà keeps him inside when he doesn't do his times tables. Lovino acts like it's because he doesn't want to do them, but I think he's afraid he'll get them wrong again. Not that I blame him. I'm not very good at times tables either."
Feliciano said all of this as if it was normal as can be. Antonio's eyebrows scrunched as he tried to comprehend. "He keeps him inside all day?"
Feliciano hummed. "Well… sometimes. Sometimes Lovino gets them wrong so he has to stay in until it's right. Sometimes Lovino just won't do it."
Antonio thought of his own times tables. "I don't do times tables in the summer. Or homework at all. Is that what summer school is like?"
Feliciano shrugged. "Lovino's not in summer school."
Antonio nodded as if this answered everything. In fact, though, he was still very confused.
But just then his mother started calling for him to come in for lunch and he had to say goodbye to his new friend. Antonio scrambled into the house, ready for the grilled cheese his mother had cooked up, and forgot all about Feliciano and Lovino.
Though forgotten on that first day, the Vargas brothers were to be the subject of many more of Antonio's in his future in New York.
-/-
Lovino was angry with him for days after the napping incident. It turned out that he was not as stress-free as Antonio had thought. Perhaps it was the nap itself that gave him enough energy to wind himself up over the prolonged sleep session, but Antonio felt it was worth it. He'd rather his friend have enough energy to be mad at him than no energy for anything.
So mainly Antonio used up the time Lovino was ignoring him to neglect his own studies even more and Skype his friends back in California. It was honestly a miracle that he and his friends from elementary school were still in touch, but seeing as how every Christmas the Fernandez-Carriedos visited family in California, he got to see them at least once a year. Now that they were older, they kept in touch throughout most of the year on their phones, internet, video calls.
"When we got four of those wadded up paper balls across the classroom at the same time, that's when the teacher finally noticed something was up." Gilbert was cackling at his own joke. Francis was rolling his eyes though unable to keep his own amused smirk at bay. Antonio laughed along, enjoying the company of his two friends. It had been too long since they had all three talked like this.
"So," Francis broke apart the manic laughter of his friend with a statement of their own, "Not to ruin the fun, but, as I recall, Christmas is coming soon. I must know what to get you two." Antonio studied the settings behind either of them as Gilbert enthusiastically jumped into a list of items he wanted for the holiday.
First, Francis looked to be in his family's living room. A simple but fashionable place with cream walls and a leather couch. There was a tasteful picture of some countryside above Francis' head and the railing of the staircase was visible to his friend's right. Francis was sitting modestly but comfortably on the leather couch, computer resting on his lap and a finger twirling a lock of his silky blonde hair.
"Gilbird loves those grainy cookies you make too, cause obviously you're gonna give my awesome bird a gift too, right? And if you're baking, those cupcakes are the actual bomb. Just saying-"
Gilbert. He was obviously sitting in his own bedroom at the moment, going by the messy blankets and strewn pillows on the bed he was lounging on and the assortment of heavy rock band posters on his wall. There was a window behind him and Antonio could have sworn he saw the sliver of the green paint on his wall between some of the posters. He was animatedly talking to Francis through his laptop screen at the moment, laying on his side across his bed. He was gesturing with one arm, the other having been trapped under his body to keep it steady, and his wine red eyes were full of excitement.
"Goodness, mon ami, how shall I ever keep track of this all when you are speaking so quickly?" Francis asked, bewildered, though Antonio would say not surprised at Gilbert's rapid fire dialogue.
"Keep track of what you can, Franny, and you can pick up the slack next year."
Francis scoffed and turned, as if he could ignore Gilbert in favor of Antonio even though the two were on the same screen. "Antonio, and you?"
"Oh gosh, Francis. You know I'm terrible at this stuff." Antonio scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. Francis waved it off.
"Nonsense. Just take your time and don't let me know last minute like you did last year."
Antonio smiled guiltily at the screen, hoping his silent apology got through. After he had said sorry about one hundred and twenty times, Francis had finally made a rule against apologizing for it. And for many other things as well.
"Speaking of last minute, have you two started on finals study?" Francis gazed pointedly in the camera with a sceptical look. Antonio didn't even look to see Gilbert's reaction since he was busy avoiding Francis' stare and thus the computer screen, but knew it must have been along the same lines as his own when Francis began to scold them. Man, when had Francis cared so much for grades? Was this a recent development? Oh yeah… he wanted to get into Stanford, didn't he? It had been way too long since Antonio had talked to them, hadn't it?
Soon enough Antonio had checked out of the conversation and his thoughts started to wonder away. Study… he wondered if Lovino was studying. Probably. It was early finals season, the part that most people never paid attention to but Lovino most certainly did. It was 12:03 am according to his bedside clock so it was a safe bet that his friend was awake.
It's not like Lovino studied so excessively everyday. He had a job too, plus school during the day and a demanding family in the evenings. Students were busy creatures and it just so happened that Lovino couldn't find a way to balance it. He had convinced himself that the pressures of work and school outweighed his own needs. It was enough to make Antonio want to grab him by the shoulders, look him in the eyes, and say something perfectly sensical to snap him out of it. There were only two problems with that: one, Antonio didn't know the right words to do that and two, he wasn't even sure Lovino would listen.
"He's worrying about his boyfriend again." Gilbert's abrasive voice interrupted his thoughts and Antonio's eyes focused back on the screen. Francis had a soft, amused look on his face - the one he got when watching le amour, as he called it. Gilbert had on a shit-eating grin.
Antonio blinked at the screen. "Huh?" He asked intelligently.
Francis' soft expression quickly turned into one of exasperation as he rolled his eyes. Gilbert laughed loudly and repeated himself. "Thinking about Loviiii?" He imitated what Antonio expected was a replication of his own voice on the last word. He blushed a little at the insinuation, then more at the correctness of it. He absently recalled how much more severe Lovino's blush would have been.
Thank God Francis was there. Not that he meant to shift the conversation from teasing, but an out is an out. "Please do not tell me the boy is working himself to the bone again. I do not think I can handle it in jeopardy to the dedication I put to my own studies and for my care of other people."
"He's always working himself like that." Antonio replied unhappily.
"I don't know how he does that shit." Gilbert said. "He must make some great fricking grades. Does he ever sleep?"
"When I make him. I'm actually in trouble right now for letting him sleep for too long the other day." Antonio replied. "And, I mean, I'm sure he gets at least a few hours at home. The naps at my place or the park aren't really enough for… you know… living."
"Dear God," Francis spoke, "You must knock some sense into him, Antonio. This has really gone too far."
"What do you think I'm trying to do?" Antonio snapped. When the three-way call silenced, Antonio took a deep breath and ran his hand over his face. He glanced back up at the screen and gave a tired smile. "Sorry. I guess I'm a little tired myself."
Francis looked concerned but Gilbert did as Gilbert does and smoothed it all over. Thank God Gilbert was there. "Yeah, I bet! Isn't it like midnight over there?"
Antonio readily agreed. Francis spoke up. "Then you must get your own beauty sleep, mon ami. Do not allow us to keep you up."
"Yeah, I guess I'll get going then. I'll talk to you guys later?"
"You bet!" Gilbert replied, "Winter break is coming up. Then we can keep you up in person!" Gilbert laughed at that, the sound much like a chuckling snake in how similar to hissing it was.
"Alright then." Antonio chuckled as well and he was just about to end the call when Francis stopped him.
"Antonio."
A raised eyebrow. "Yeah, Francis?" Antonio wasn't so sure about this. That was Francis' serious voice. Trademarked and patented.
"I'm glad you're worrying about Lovino, but take care of yourself too, okay?" Francis said. "It'll do neither of you well for both of you to exhaust yourselves."
Antonio nodded and gave a cheery smile. "Of course! I am the definition of self-care, Francis!"
Francis looked amused but not entirely convinced at this. He said his farewells nonetheless and Antonio shut his computer, ready to collapse on his bed and pass out.
That was until he heard a light tapping at his window.
"Lovi!" Antonio immediately perked up, having seen the figure who stood outside the latched window and sprung up to throw it open.
"Uh, hey." Lovino said, shifting from one foot to the other beside the bush planted right outside Antonio's window. Antonio smiled, amused at how Lovino could act so unsure of himself even when they had been sneaking to one another's houses for years.
"Would you like to come in?" Antonio half asked, half teased. This resulted in the irritated glance Antonio had been striving for on the other boy's face.
"Just let me in." Lovino huffed and stomped up to the window. Antonio chuckled and stepped aside.
When Lovino was inside, under the brighter light cast by the lamp on Antonio's bedside table, Antonio noticed the dark circles under the boy's eyes. He also noticed that he hadn't brought any notebooks or textbooks with him. At least that was a relief.
"Trouble sleeping?" Antonio asked sympathetically. Lovino's frown deepened but he didn't snap at the question. Antonio wondered if he had been expecting it or if he was simply too tired.
Sometimes, this was what worried Antonio more. It was one thing when Lovino forced himself to stay awake, but a whole other when he simply couldn't sleep at all. There had been many a time when Lovino would come over and toss and turn for hours in the darkness.
So, instead of speaking anymore, Antonio simply ushered his friend to the bed and turned the lamp out. The bed was comfortable enough for the two of them to sleep at a safe distance, even as they had grown taller throughout the years they'd known each other. Antonio snuggled deeply into the covers in his large pajamas, which covered both his hands and feet as he liked in the winter weather. Beside him, Lovino laid as still as possible, body as rigid as a board. He faced the ceiling where, as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Antonio saw Lovino's eyes were trained steadily.
Antonio could stay up a little longer if it was for Lovino's sake.
CV: Hey! If you're following any of my other stories, my deepest apologies they are not being updated. I have had a severe writer's block lately and this story was written for the reason to get me out of it. I will attend to others in due time. Thank you for your patience.
For everyone who has read, thank you so much! I hope you've liked the first chapter and I would much appreciate constructive criticism. I wasn't as hard with this fic as some of my other ones, but, like I said, it's purpose is to get me out of writer's block (so there might be grammar mistakes. please let me know if you see any!) . I would still love to hear your thoughts too!
Thank you! See you in the next chapter!
