ALIEN ONE-SHOTS

Disclaimer: The ALIEN franchise and all related characters wherein are the intellectual property of 20th Century Fox.


WHAT'S THE ONE-SHOT TODAY, MUTHER?

ALIEN/PREDATOR ONE-SHOT

FRANCHISE SPECIFIC: YES

FRANCHISE: ALIEN FRANCHISE

FILM SPECIFIC: YES

FILM: ALIEN (1979)


ONE-SHOT 001: TURNING THE TABLES


Lambert grabbed another canister of coolant and threw it onto the floor, the loud clanging making it difficult for her and Parker to hear the approach of their visitor. When Parker turned his head to see the canisters as he was about to retrieve them, he stopped and backed away, crouching down near some space suits as he saw the alien enter the room, crouching down as Lambert continued her task unaware. "My god," Parker whispered to himself as he saw the alien put itself into a crouching position in front of the cart.

Only when Lambert fully turned her head to glance at the number of canisters on the floor did she finally notice the alien. Lambert soon turned around to face the creature as it looked up at her and slowly crab-walked towards her, before finally rising up, slowly so as to increase the woman's fear. "Get out of the way, Lambert!" Parker yelled at the scared woman.

"I-I can't!" Lambert replied fearfully, her body having gone still from fear. "Lambert, he's gonna kill us!" Parker yelled at her as he tried to find a position from which to hit the alien with the incinerator. Unfortunately, Lambert was positioned so that every possible angle, save being next to her, would result in her getting torched.

Lambert continued to whimper as the alien rose up further, soon standing at seven or so feet tall. Drool dripped from its mouth, its metallic teeth bared in a cruel smile as it slowly approached the frightened woman, who began looking over the beast. It had a very well-proportioned figure, and its fingers were long, as was its tail.

The more Lambert looked over the creature, the more her fear began to subside and change into something else, something which caused the alien to pause, ever so slightly, as it began to detect the change in pheromones emanating from Lambert. It swayed its head slightly, to make the drool drip more and increase its intimidation, but Lambert only saw the drool falling, causing her to think of something far removed from her current situation. As Lambert's pheromone signature continued changing, the alien attempted to increase its fright factor by spreading out its arms, confused by the woman's reaction to it.

Lambert was now staring at the alien's domed head, noticing how smooth it was. "Oh... my," she whispered as she felt heat rising to her cheeks and between her legs. The alien quickly stopped its approach, closing its mouth in confusion. Its prey was not supposed to be reacting this way, and it stepped back slightly.

Parker was preparing to charge the alien when he saw it stop moving and step back. "What the?" he asked himself in confusion as he saw Lambert begin to feel herself up. "L-Lambert? What the... hell?" Parker whispered.

"Oh, what a... big dome you have... Mister Alien," Lambert whispered lustfully. The alien took another step back from the aroused woman. This was not supposed to be happening.

Soon, Lambert moved her hands under her clothes, one hand under her shirt and the other inside her pants. The alien shook its head in confusion, not understanding how the situation had spiraled out of control so quickly. Lambert soon saw the ribbed formations underneath the dome, and became even more aroused, licking her lips.

"Lambert... what are you doing?" Parker asked, befuddled by the woman's behavior. Lambert soon began taking off her jacket, followed by her shoes. The alien took another step back, backing into the cart as it began thinking of a way to redirect the situation back into its favor.

It wanted to terrify and kill the humans, not... arouse them! The alien glanced over at Parker, who quickly raised his weapon as the alien was now far enough away from Lambert. "I got you now," Parker whispered victoriously, before the sound of clothes hitting the floor caught both his and the alien's attention. Parker and Kane's Son both looked over at Lambert, who was now standing buck naked, pleasuring herself as she continued staring at the alien.

"L-Lambert!? What the fuck!?" Parker asked incredulously. The alien's jaw literally dropped as it realized that the situation was now completely beyond its control. Lambert soon turned around and bent over, placing one hand against the wall as she looked over her shoulder at the alien, the other hand still between her legs. She wiggled her rear at the creature.

"Come on! Take me like an animal, you beast!" she shouted anxiously, a smile on her face. The alien shook its head and quickly turned around, marching out of the room. Lambert frowned, while Parker simply stared at her naked body in both amazement and confusion.

"No! Don't walk away!" Lambert pleaded as she turned around and began walking over to the alien. The alien noticed her approach only after she had grabbed its tail and placed it between her legs. The alien screeched in shock as the woman began using its tail for her pleasure, before it yanked its tail away from her.

"Take me! Make me yours!" Lambert cried out ecstatically. The alien quickly curled its tail and began running away. "Come back! Get back here and fuck me like a wild animal!" Lambert pleaded as she chased after the alien. Parker had been rendered speechless and unable to form coherent thoughts by what had just transpired in front of him.

Meanwhile, having heard only the early dialogue between Parker and Lambert through the intercom, Ripley was running through the hallways in an attempt to rescue her comrades. After turning a corner, Ripley found herself being knocked over by the alien as it ran through the ship. As Ripley pushed herself up, still holding her incinerator to go after the beast, she found herself being knocked over again, this time by a naked and horny Joan Lambert.

"Lambert!?" Ripley asked in confusion as the blonde woman pushed herself up and took off after the alien, giving Ripley a clear view between her legs as she resumed her chase after the alien. "Come back here!" Lambert called out as she ran after the abomination. Ripley soon felt a wet spot on the back of her uniform.

Ripley was confused at first, until she remembered how she had been knocked over the second time. A naked Lambert was chasing the alien, crying out for it to... do things with her. "Seriously!?" Ripley asked in disbelief as she realized what, or rather who, had created the wet spot. Lambert's lost her goddamn mind, Ripley thought to herself. She soon began running after Lambert in an attempt to stop her from getting herself killed.

Meanwhile, the alien had managed to reach the entrance to the Narcissus. It quickly closed the airlock doors behind itself and prepped the shuttle for launch. It could soon hear faint pounding on the outer airlock doors behind it.

"Come back to meeeee!" Lambert pleaded through the doors. The alien then saw the other human female run up behind the crazy naked one and pull her away from the airlock doors as she closed the interior ones. The other female had now temporarily subdued the first one, but there was no point in trying to resume its stalking and killing of the humans now. Besides, the two it had already killed and captured would eventually form an egg and then a host for the resulting facehugger within a day or so. Another Xenomorph would be able to take its place soon enough.

With that in mind, Kane's Son quickly finished its preparations and launched the shuttle, leaving the Nostromo behind before letting out a small breath of relief. It was finally safe from the sexual predator that had violated its tail. Finding supplies to clean its tail, the alien soon began setting the shuttle's trajectory, using its flight data that had been shared with the rest of the Nostromo's computer system, for LV-426, where it could either collect more of its kind or simply go to sleep until another group of dumb sons of bitches intercepted the derelict ship's transmission and decided to investigate it.

Meanwhile, back inside the Nostromo, Parker had finally begun to form coherent thoughts in his head again. He looked around the room as Ripley dragged a tied up Lambert alongside her, calling out Parker's name as she tried to ascertain his condition. Still not quite knowing how to comprehend what had transpired in the past few minutes, Parker quickly decided to ask himself a simple yet vital question.

"What the hell just happened?"

FIN


Author's Notes: And that was the first ALIEN One-Shot. I hope everyone enjoyed it, because there are more to come. For those of you who have noticed the variations of Rule 34 present in various ALIEN fan fiction, this story is a parody of that type of... slash, so to speak. This isn't a slash-fic story, and this doesn't have an actual couple or pairing in it. As I just said, this one-shot is a parody of those types of stories. It's also an alternate ending where Parker and Lambert survive, but that's kind of beside the point.

Anyway, be sure to let me know what you think in your reviews.