A/N: Another story with my favorite pairings Cena/Orton & Cody/Ted! This will be a 3 chapter story I thought of while listening to my iPod!
Disclaimer: I own no related to the WWE!
"Wow, that was insane!" John pushed the safety bar off his chest and let out a deep breath as he stood up. He heard the bar bang closed behind him and turned to see his boyfriend follow him out of the roller-coaster.
"That had to be the fastest coaster I have ever been on. I almost peed and hurled at the same time!" Randy said with a smile. He took John's hand and walked down the stairs with him.
The small amusement park was brightly lit but completely empty except for their fellow WWE co-workers and friends. It was one of the perks of working for a multimillion dollar company. They wanted to go hang out at an amusement park so one got provided for them. It may have seemed conceited but they needed that kind of perk once in awhile. They spend most of the year traveling, away from their homes and families, entertaining their fans without regards for themselves. They all enjoyed it but they also needed alone solitude wasn't a luxury. It was a necessity.
John smiled and squeezed Randy's hand suggestively. "I love that our friends know when to give us some free time."
Randy nodded and smiled. He lifted John's hand to his lips and kissed it lightly before looking around distractedly. "So, where are the other guys?"
John sighed. "I'm sure they're off having fun. Why do you want to know? Aren't you having a good time alone with me?"
Randy frowned and shrugged. "Yeah, I am. I'm sorry." He pulled John in for a hug and whispered in his ear. "I love you, John."
John held on to him tightly and willed his fear away.
The next day Ted and John walked around the city of Messina. The WWE was on their European tour and was stationed in Italy for their one week off. The two friends spotted a small cafe and went inside for a drink. After placing his order, John sighed deeply while rifling through his bag from a stop in a clothing store earlier.
"What are you looking for?"
Ted popped a cookie in his mouth and stared at John.
"Randy's shirt. I don't think he'll like it now that I really look at it. I really want to get him something he'll love."
Ted frowned and gave John a small smile. "Who cares, John? Randy is gonna love anything you give him because it was you who gave it to him. Stop worrying about everything."
John smiled and placed the shirt back into the bag, carefully folded. His smile dropped and he shook his head sadly. "Why am I worrying about a shirt?"
He looked at Ted who shrugged. "It seems like you worry about a lot when it concerns Randy. Well, lately you do."
John laughed and nodded. "You're right. You're absolutely right. I've been walking on eggshells around Randy lately because in my heart I know something isn't right. All the shirts in the world and all the amusement parks aren't going to change that."
Ted looked at John sympathetically. He knew what everyone else in their lives knew. The rest of them spoke about it when Randy and John weren't around. It wasn't working out.
"Hey, baby, where are you?"
John dropped his key card and bag on the front hall table of the hotel room he and Randy shared and went in search of him. He spotted him sitting in front the desk staring at the computer screen.
"I went shopping with Ted and then we grabbed some lunch." He kissed the top of Randy's head and leaned on the table. "I bought you a shirt."
Randy finally looked up and smiled. "Thanks, baby. I'll wear it tonight." He stood up and walked over to the bedside table. "We got invited to "Sole Angelo" tonight. It's this great new club in town. It was almost impossible to get an invite, but I got us all in. We get to hang out with all our friends. Oh, we also get to hear this kick ass local band that everyone loves here! The best part is we get to drink and eat for free!"
John smiled and shrugged. "Sounds good, but another club, Randy? We might as well be home." He pointed out the window. "Look outside! We're in Italy, the most romantic city in the world. We could be off spending time together before we go back on tour. You know it'll be months before we get another couple of days off."
John opened his mouth to continue but Randy stopped him. He took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "OK, OK, forget it. I don't want to upset you. I know you hate the clubs and the noise, so we'll just do whatever you want. Don't worry about it."
John pulled his hand out of Randy's and sighed. "Now I feel guilty about this."
Randy shook his head. "Don't."
John walked over to the bed and sat down. "Do you remember a couple of years ago when we first moved in together? We would eat dinner together every night and wake up in each others arms. Spending the entire day together alone was a joy to us. Not so much now."
Randy frowned. "What are you talking about? I still love every minute I spend with you. I just like hanging out with other people, too, though. Sometimes we need time apart or else we'll kill each other. There's nothing wrong with it."
"Of course not. It just seems that as the days go by you want to spend more time with other people and less with me." John stared at Randy for a minute before walking into the bathroom.
"So, where's Randy?"
John looked at his friend and shook his head. "He probably went to that club opening with the rest of the guys and crew, Ted."
Ted frowned. "Probably? Don't you know?"
John shrugged. "I don't know anything anymore."
Ted took a sip of his coffee and picked at his dinner. He and John sat in a secluded corner of the hotel restaurant. The mood was tense between the two friends due to John's recent argument with Randy. Ted knew where Randy was. He had seen him leave with the rest of the wrestlers. That's why he elected to stay behind with John and was trying to lure him into a long overdue conversation.
"John, what do want from life?"
John looked at Ted with a raised eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"
"What do you want your life to look like in 5 years? Who do you want in it, what do you want to be and where do you want it?"
John took a sip of water and looked thoughtful. "I want to be married and have at least one kid by then. I still want to be with the WWE, but at that time our families will take priority over my schedule. I want a big house with a big yard and tons of dogs running around."
Ted smiled and nodded. "Who's the guy you want to marry and have kids with? Who's the guy you want living with you in that big house?"
"You know its Randy. He's the only guy I see in my life. I only want him. I've wanted him since the moment I met him." John sighed and looked at the table. "I guess that's not enough, though. He doesn't want what I want."
Ted shook his head. "Do you know that for a fact, John? This is a conversation that every couple should have at one point. I would have had it sooner, but whatever. The point is that the time has come for you and Randy to acknowledge what you both want from life. If you don't want the same things, then what is the point of this relationship?"
John nodded. "I don't know."
"Hey, you're still awake."
John looked up from his book as Randy walked over to him. He plopped down on the bed and kissed John on the lips. "Yeah, I am and you reek of liquor. Go wash up."
Randy laughed. "You should have come, John. This club kicked ass. The liquor was good, the band rocked and even the food was good."
John continued reading as Randy walked in the bathroom. He heard the faucet turn on and Randy brush his teeth.
"That's nice." He laid the book down and walked over to the bathroom. He watched as Randy got undressed and opened the shower door.
"Wanna join me?"
John stared at Randy and shook his head. "I'm tired. I have a question, though."
Randy nodded.
"What do you want your life to look like in 5 years? Who do you want in it, what do you want to be and where do you want it?"
Randy smiled and said, "I plan to wrestle until my body can't anymore. I want to live a luxurious life and have fun. That's all I want out of life. A fun time."
John licked his lips nervously. "What about a family?"
"I have a family! I have my baby girl, my parents, the boys here and you. You all need me too much to ever leave me! Especially you, my love." Randy laughed and kissed John affectionately before stepping into his shower.
John walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the last time he felt comfortable in his relationship. His eyes welled with tears when he realized he couldn't. It had been going on for awhile now; the tension in his body and the fear in his heart. He knew the reason. He was scared of being without Randy because that possibility was creeping closer and closer with each passing day. Randy was with him because it was comfortable and convenient. Was there any love left? Not the kind John needed or wanted. He loved Randy but now realized he also had grown dependent on him. Could he leave him and make it on his own?
John's eyes opened and he walked back to the bathroom. He threw open the shower door.
"John, you scared the crap out of me!" Randy's blue eyes flew open and he laughed nervously. "You coming in?"
"Do you remember the last time we had fun?"
Randy shrugged and continued to smile. "The amusement park…"
"Are you asking me or telling me?" John paced around the area and shook his head. "You don't even know. I don't even know. This is not what I signed up for."
"What are you talking about?" Randy turned off the water and quickly dried himself off.
"This is a relationship of convenience. We're moving in two different directions and further apart. We're constantly trying to please the other and not realizing that by doing so we're hurting ourselves. The Randy and John you and I were years ago is not the same as we are right now."
Randy shook his head. "John, stop this. You're pissed at me and I get it. You don't mean this. I know you love me and I love you."
John smiled. "Why do you love me?"
"You're my best friend, John."
John rolled his eyes. "I have enough friends. I need a boyfriend."
John closed his bag and looked at Randy, who sat quietly watching him. Hours of talking had amounted to this.
"Are you sure about this, John?"
"Aren't you?" John looked over at Randy and smiled. Randy nodded and took a deep breath.
"What do we do now?"
John shrugged and said, "We move on away from each other. At least, the couple part of each other. The friendship part grows stronger. We need to do this. We want different things and it's not fair to stay together just for the sake of it."
Randy nodded. "I don't think I know how to move on."
"We'll learn."
John hugged Randy and whispered in his ear, "I still love you more than anything."
He felt Randy squeeze tighter and heard, "I love you, too," whispered back.
John pulled away and grabbed his suitcase.
John knocked on Ted's door and waited for it to open. When it did he wordlessly walked in to Ted's & Cody's room and threw himself face down on the bed.
Cody and Ted looked at each other with a frown. Cody gently kissed Ted on the lips and walked over to the door heading for Randy's room.
"Hmm, I see something happened. I can't lie, though. I've been expecting it."
John lifted his face and looked over at Ted. His eyes were red from holding back the tears.
"I left my comfort zone. I gave up the love of my life." He laughed and sat up. "How do I go on?"
Ted smiled and sat beside him. "He's still here. You'll stay friends and find someone who will give you what your heart desires."
John shook his head. "How did this happen?"
Randy watched the door close behind John. He felt completely numb and hollow inside. He let his body slide to the floor and stared at the door, pleading for John to walk back through it.
An hour later he peeled himself off the floor and walked into the bathroom to wash his eyes. They looked swollen from staring at one thing for an hour. As he dried off he heard the door to the hotel room open and his heart began to race. Randy dropped the towel and raced to the sound.
"John…"
Cody closed the door behind him. "Sorry, buddy, it's only me."
Cody walked over to the couch and drew his legs up. He put his chin on his knee and smiled at Randy sympathetically.
"John's in my room. I know what happened. Should I say 'I'm sorry' and offer you a shoulder to cry on or are you OK with this?"
Randy shrugged. He sat beside Cody on the couch and said, "I don't know what I am."
Cody nodded. He looked over at his friend and felt his heart ache for him. He and Randy had formed a close bond over the course of their childhood and now their years working together. Cody's and Randy's close friendship had been formed through their love of reading books. After the first couple of books they shared and the long conversations after, they started to confide in each other more. They spoke of family, goals for their lives and relationships. It was during one of those late night talks that Cody admitted to Randy that he was gay and had feelings for Ted. A year later, it was Randy admitting to Cody the reason for his divorce was because of his attraction to John. Cody wasn't surprised by Randy's admission. He had sensed it for some time. What did surprise him was that the object of Randy's affection was another close friend. John had never hid the fact that he was gay also, but he opposed dating friends and business partners. Randy was both, so Cody assumed he would be totally out of luck. It was a surprise to him and the rest of their friends when John returned Randy's love and the relationship continued to flourish year after year. They were the golden couple. People loved to be around them and wanted to model their relationship after John and Randy.
"I feel like I'm gonna be sick, but I'm completely empty at the same time."
Cody's thoughts were stopped when he heard Randy's voice. "It's just your mind playing tricks on your stomach. Just sit and relax. Or maybe you should lie down…"
Randy smiled and leaned his head on the back cushion of the couch. "You have no idea what to do with me, do you?"
Cody shrugged and nodded. "I'll be here with you. I'll let you talk all you want. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"
Randy nodded. He closed his eyes and said, "This is my entire fault. I blew the best relationship I have ever had. I had it all, Cody."
He looked at Cody who just stared back at him. "I had the perfect guy and I couldn't make it work with him. Why?"
Cody shrugged. "If we knew that then we could fix it." He took a deep breath and smiled at Randy. "It's not your fault this relationship ended, Randy. You and John just wanted different things in your life. You were together for years. The same people you were then are not the same people you are now."
Randy stared at Cody for a minute before responding, "John said the same thing before he left."
Cody smiled. "John and I are the smart ones in the WWE." He smiled and was pleased to see Randy did as well.
"God, Cody, I love John so much still, but he wants all these things that I don't think I want."
Cody frowned. "Like what?"
"He wants to be settled and in five years he wants a family and to cut back on wrestling. I don't want that. I like going out and partying! I don't see myself with anymore kids yet. They're annoying to me and I can't stop wrestling. I love it! When I had no idea what to do with my life wrestling was there for me. Wrestling has been there for me more than anything and I can't give it up so soon."
Randy stood up and began pacing the floor. He flailed his arms around as he spoke and sighed loudly.
"Kids annoy you? You have a kid." Cody asked in a mocking tone.
Randy glared at him before plopping back down on the couch. "Hey, my daughter is an angel! She could never be annoying. Other kids are, though."
He threw a pillow at Cody when he snorted in laughter.
"Look, John knew exactly who I was before we started this relationship. You guys keep saying that we've changed in the past few years. Well, guess what! I haven't changed. I loved to party back then, disliked children and wrestling was always my #1 priority. I have not changed!"
Cody nodded sadly. "I know, Randy. You're still the same. John isn't, though. He needs something you can't give him and he has every right to go look for it. I know you still love him, but you're not in love with him anymore."
Randy lowered his face to his knees and stared at the floor. "I know. I'm a selfish ass, though. I don't want him to leave and find anyone else."
Cody laughed loudly. "Yeah, we all know how selfish you are."
Randy looked up. "John is the greatest guy I have ever met in my life. He's brilliant, sweet, loyal and will love you until you can take no more. He'll have no trouble finding a guy." He sighed. "I'm the screw up who doesn't know what he wants. John will go on to get married and have a house full of 10 kids and I'll still be clubbing every night."
Cody shook his head. "You're not a screw up, Randy. You're still young so you don't have to decide your future right this second. Not many people know what they want out of life at this age. Some have known since they were kids. John is one of those. He's one of the lucky ones. Don't let anyone tell you what you want to do with your life is wrong. You'll find a guy who matches you perfectly and one that shares your views. You'll be happy, too."
Randy nodded. He looked sadly out the window. "What if I want everything John wants, but I'm just too scared to admit it?"
"Don't say that, Randy. You can't play games with people's feeling, especially John's. If you're not 100% sure about this, then speak up. Do you want to be with him? Are you willing to change yourself or is this person we call "Randy" just an act? Or are you more like John than you wanna admit?"
Randy looked over at Cody with a frown. "What do you mean?"
"Do you secretly love the idea of having more kids that will call you "Daddy" and a nice house that you know will always be the place you can call home? Do you want John to share that with you?"
Randy looked back down to the floor. He shrugged and waited for Cody's next words.
"I don't think so. You're not there. You're just panicking and now you think you may be able to conform to John's wishes because you're too scared to be alone. Come on, Randy. You can't do that. It's not healthy at all. John wouldn't be happy and neither would you. You need to let him move on and let yourself do the same."
Randy felt his eyes water and he finally let some tears out. He knew in his heart that it was over, but the fear was holding him down. He was terrified of moving on without John. Despite how it looked to outsiders, hell, even their friends, John was the stronger one in the relationship. He kept Randy grounded and Randy needed him. Randy was the needy one who needed constant reassurance of being loved. That wasn't a good foundation for a relationship, though. Randy couldn't stay with John just because he made him feel loved and safe. He had to let him go on and he had to learn to make himself happy.
"Are you going to be OK?"
Randy looked up and nodded. He noticed Cody looked tired. "What time is it? You look exhausted."
Cody looked at his watch and replied, "It's already 5:30 in the morning. I am exhausted. I've been up all night talking to you!"
Randy smiled. "Thanks. You know you're the best."
Cody shrugged and said, "I know." He yawned and stood up, stretching his arms. "I'm gonna crash here, OK. Right now I don't even remember where my room is."
Randy nodded and turned to look out the window.
"You plan on sleeping?"
Randy shook his head. "No, I'm OK." He looked back out the window and saw the sun begin to rise. The sky filled with shades of orange and red. He smiled at the sight and felt his heart swell with emotion.
"Look, Cody, the sun is rising. Doesn't it give you hope?"
Cody looked outside and shrugged. "If it gives you hope, then yes, Randy. It will do the same for me."
Randy smiled and continued to watch. He heard Cody go into the bedroom and lie down. Randy watched the sun's rise and for the first time in a long time, prayed. He hoped hope would get him through.
A/N: Please review for quick updates!
