A/N: My first fic in a long long LONG time, and my first CM fic too. Just couldn't make life easy for myself, and I apologise if I haven't got the character exactly right.
I'm writing from Emily's POV, purely because that's how this developed as I was writing it.
Enjoy =)
Okay, so, here's my problem. No ambiguity, just the facts. I suppose all I want is answers to my questions, to know where we stand; because I can't do this tiptoeing around any more, can't stand the damned elephant in the room. Its taking up way too much space in my head.
I like you. I mean, I REALLY like you. A lot more than I originally intended too. And against all my better judgement. Every sensible fibre in my body tells me I shouldn't feel like this, but the heart I like to pretend that I don't have just won't listen to reason.
You're a player. You flirt. Majorly. With everyone. You can pass it off as having a laugh and a joke, I'm never quite laughing. And if it is just a laugh and a joke, do you just see us as friends, and am I over-thinking all of this?
I miss you when you're not around, when you're not in my life. Even the way you tease me, poke fun at anything and everything. I miss the way the simplest things you say make me smile, and you barely have to try to make me laugh. I miss how you're the only one I know who will happily admit your love of our mutual interests. The stuff that made me feel like such an outsider, such a nerd-the day you told me you loved it all too, it's a day I don't think I can ever forget.
But I won't deny it, you scare me. You make me nervous and unsure of myself. Despite all the banter and flirting, I'm just a scared little girl. I'm not sexy, I'm not confident, and frankly, I don't understand what, if anything you have ever seen, or do see in me. I look at every other girl you've been with and think 'What does she have that I don't?'. It only takes my brain milliseconds to come up with a list-the brains, the beauty, the social charm. I'm none of that.
I'm laying an awful lot on the line here. More than I normally ever would. That's something else only you seem to have the power to do. Maybe you'll laugh when you hear this, but I hope you'll let me down gently. I don't really expect you to feel the same, I mean, why would you? We're from two totally different worlds, after all.
But I suppose the reason I'm saying all this in the first place, and not just compartmentalizing it the way I usually would, is because part of me is hoping, wishing, praying, that you feel the same.
A/N: If you could leave a review, you'd make my day =)
