One week! Only one more week! I squalled in excitement. Tsugaru will be so happy this year. The last two years of this on his birthday he was so depressing, one we all decided to throw him a huge surprise party and he ran off and the next he was so scared to come to have one, he made 100% sure he didn't have one at all! Tsugaru is so mean he's like a big bully!But this year I'm making sure he has a good time, even if Izaya and I have to force him! I reassured myself as I walked down the street and across the city. Why is it I always seem to stand out among the crowed, though I like the nice people who offer to buy me dinner. It's too bad I can never accept since I'm only allowed to leave the house when Izaya permits.
I had a few more offers to dinner, passing up on all of them. I finally came to Izaya's office, he said I can only leave the house without permission if I come straight here. I can never disobey either, he says he has a tracker on me and if I even get lost or stray off the path he would call me immediately and scold me till I cry. Though he may sound like a mean owner he really nice, and I really do love him. I rushed in upstairs towered Izaya office, where Namie-san was just out the door. I bowed to her as Izaya had told me to always do.
"Hello Namie-san" I smiled as I rose up.
"Ah, Psyche-chan, hello!" She smiled.
Namie-san was always such a nice person. Even though at first when Izaya made me I was really mean to her. Though, even then she was nice to me and she's more like a mother now. She went by the hall and down the elevator and I, towered Izaya's desk. Where he surprisingly was not.
"Psyche! Over here!" I heard Izaya call from the common area where there was a burn mark on the table.
"Izaya! Why are you burning your table?" I said tear swelling up. From me thinking he was trying to hurt himself.
"Calm down."
"B-but, if you hurt yourself!"
I felt a large and strong hand grab my face and tighten it grip.
"Calm?"
"Calm."
Izaya just smiled as we discussed party plans for Tsugaru. I couldn't stop smiling the whole entire time not once did it fade. Izaya and I talked for a bit before my departure.
"Hey... Psyche? Can I ask you a question?"
Izaya asked not looking me directly in the eye. Which somewhat bothered me a bit being as he always seemed so straight forward. I just tilted me head to him though.
"Y-you, like Tsugaru right?"
I nodded with a big, bright, smile on my face.
"How can you like him even though he's your Shizuo counterpart? What is Tsugaru to you?"
I was baffled by this question. I never really knew what Tsugaru was to me. We kiss, sleep in the same bed. These are thing lovers do. But to me that's just being friends. I was made by Izaya, so I'm not entirely sure what it means to be "lovers" or be in "love" these are all foreign feeling to me. What's more if I don't know what Tsugaru is to me... What am I to him? This question bothered me all the way home.
But still as I was walking home I still have one huge dilemma...What am I going to get him... I sighed trying to contemplate ideas for the present not one stopped in my head that sound like a good idea though. As I returned, I see Tsugaru lying on the couch. He was shivering without a blanket on, he must have fallen asleep watching T.V. I went to go get his favorite blanket I did in the laundry earlier in the day. It was a little heavy for me but I was able to get it out roll it out and lay it on top of him. He looked so at ease with it, more so than he usually did. I smiled, thought Izaya's question is still ringing though my head.
'What is Tsugaru to me?' I sighed at the thought as the question raced thought my head again and again to the point I blocked out everything but the question.
"Psy...che..."
I looked up from my own world of one endless question. Just now Tsugaru, he, he said my name.
"Tsugaru-chan?"
He face was bright red and he looked like he was having, a hard time breathing.
"Tsugaru-chan, are you running a fever?"
I put my fore head to Tsugaru's and felt a jolt, I backed away and so did Tsugaru, I must have woken him up. His face still bloody red and his lips quivering tried to talk.
"W-w-where were y-you?"
"Me? I was just at Izaya's. Why?" I tilted my head trying not to lead him on to what was really happening. This year has to be better it just has to be! Tsugaru looked away and looked back at me.
"Y-you didn't do anything with him, did you?"
"You mean sex?"
His face was even a brighter red then before, if that's even possable. He looked away again. I chuckled a little bit, Tsugaru was always so obvious. I sighed and leaned over and kissed his forehead, it was still cold from sleeping in the cold with no blanket. I sat on his lap and snuggled into his shoulder. It was so warm and comforting. I smiled as Tsugaru wrapped his arm around me. I nibbled his neak a little bit he slid down as I got on top of him.
"Wha-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" He face got even brighter.
"You wanted to have sex didn't you? That's why you asked if I did it with Izaya?" I tilted my head in confusion and he just looked away. The next day, I smelled bacon and rushed towreds the kitchen.
"Tsugaru!"
My face widened with a smile. Tsugaru looked behind him, at me.
"Good morning, Psyche!"
He's such a morning person, I thought to myself. I came up from behind him and gave him the tightest hug possible. For the first time I noticed just how big Tsugaru's back was, it's not often he lets me hug him without him freaking out after all. Every time he shoves me away because he's embarrassed, it sort of hurts, in my chest. He just continued to cook, me still latched on to his back. I could feel his every movement. I smiled, I really like Tsugaru... Whenever I'm with him I smiled the most. If things could stay like this forever it would be pure bliss. After he somehow managed to cook of all breakfast with me clinging to his back we ate and I was on my way out again.
"Where are you going?" Tsugaru asked as he started cleaning up.
"Izaya wanted me to come over today as well!"
I smiled at him. He looked down his hair covered his eyes.
"Don't you think... You're spending too much time with Izaya lately?"
"Ah, Izaya just wants to do a check up on me! That's all! I'm a first modal after all!"
I laughed trying to get him of my trail. I really want this year to be the best for Tsugaru he makes every year so fun for me. Just this once I want to do something for him as well. I left immediately and ran towered Izaya's office. I rang on the bell to his office where Namie-san answered.
"Hello?" She said without emotion
"Ah! Namie-san, hello!"
"Psyche-chan? What are you doing- AH!"
She was cut off, it sounded like the intercom was taken away from her.
"Psyche? Your here for 'that' again today?"
"Yes!"
The door was buzzed in, I rushed to the elevator towered Izaya's office. Me, Izaya and Namie-san talked about party plans and what to get for Tsugaru. Namie- san also made a great suggestion to get him a new pipe. Apparently he was complaining to Namie-san that his was getting old and wearing down and he wanted a new one as soon as possible. I took Namie-san's offer to chip in for half of it and pick one out tomorrow.
I went home skipping the whole way to the cross walk. While waiting for the light to turn green, I looked around in my boredom and saw Tsugaru walking into an ally. As soon as the light turned green I ran across the cross walk to where Tsugaru was but when I got there he was gone.
I went home wondering if I was just seeing things, but I'm sure I wasn't. When I got home, Tsugaru wasn't there either. I went to bed not even changing my cloths, I really wanted to see Tsugaru today, I really miss him. Not being able to see him just because of planning out his party kind of hurts. I started getting that pain in my chest again. What is that? Is something wrong with me? Should I go to the doctors? The next day I woke up and Tsugaru still wasn't home, I stayed home that day I was to worried about Tsugaru to go out.
I started to fall asleep on the couch waiting for Tsugaru to come home. Just as I was about to fall asleep I heard the door open and shut. I looked over the couch towered the door.
"Tsugaru?"
I looked to see Tsugaru's cloths all torn up and looked like it had been cut up in many places, his face was all bruised and beaten. Something felt like it sank deep in my chest. Ignoring it I rushed over to Tsugaru. I reached my hand up to his face. He just slapped it away. He wouldn't look at me.
"Tsugaru?"
He wouldn't talk, he wouldn't move. Something somewhere in my chest hurt and felt like it was being stabbed. I couldn't look him in the eye anymore, I smiled and turned away.
"What? Am I to dirty for me to touch you anymore? Is it because I'm not really human? I understand I'll leave..."
I ran past Tsugaru. I felt him grab my arm, I shook it off and ran out the door and down the stairs of our, though now I should probably call it "his" apartment. I ran towered the cross walk and into an ally in the rain, it was cold it numbed my cheeks, but washed away my tears. I don't know why I'm crying not once in my life had I'd cried before, Namie-san once told me it was bitter-sweet. When does the sweetest come? I only taste bitter tears; they ran down my face as I sit in the ally. I screamed and whined as tear continued to pour down. Why is being with Tsugaru so hard? I don't understand.
I want Tsugaru to come rescue me like always. I know he won't he degusted with me. Who could like me anyway? I'm not even human... I heard a sound and in my weakened state thought it was Tsugaru. But instead I only saw 3 guys huddling together walking towered me.
"What wrong little girl? Lost?"
"I'm not lost, I ran away..."
"Then you want to come play with us?" They started getting closer.
"Play what? A game?" I said my mood picking up a little but still having that sinking feeling.
"Yea! A vary fun game! Just come with us."
He extended his hand towered me. I took it and we continued to the end of the ally and came to a pink lite hotel. I looked to the 3 men each one had huge grins on their face. I got more excited about the game. They rented a room and we continued up the stairs up to a red room with a mirror on the ceiling and a fluffy looking bed. I rushed to the fluffy looking bed and jumped on it. It was so nice and fluffy, but it smelt weird.
I suddenly felt something come over me and poke my behind. I looked behind to his one of the 3 men on top of me. He started unbuttoning my jacket and ripped it off. I tried pushing him off but he just got more forceful and his friends just watch at his beck and call. Tears started filling my eyes as he started tearing off my pants.
Tsugaru, where's Tsugaru?
"TSUGARU!"
I screamed at the top of my lungs. Only seconds after I heard the door cave in. Everyone looked back at the door that was blocked off to me and useable with this guy still on top of me. I heard 2 thumps and the guy that was on top of me soon just threw across the room and my tears soon subsided to the sight of Tsugaru. He went to pick me up and I jumped away. He got wide eyed.
"S-stay away!"
"Wha- WHY CAN'T I TOUCH YOU?"
"BECAUSE EVERYTIME YOU TOUCH ME LATELY MY BODY BECOMES HOT, EVERY TIME YOU DONT LOOK ME IN THE EYE SOMETHING IN MY CHEST SINKS, EVERYTIME YOU LOOK SAD MY CHEST HURTS! I-I can't deal with it anymore it hurts"
My tears welled up even more. I heard him chuckle. I looked up from my crossed arms. To see him laughing and smiling like I never had before.
"You're so stupid! That's how I always feel every time I see you!"
"Eh?"
"When you're happy, I'm happy. When you're sad, I hurt. When you touch me my body burns for you. It's called love!"
"T-then you're not disgusted in me?"
"'Disgusted?' Why would I be? "
"B-because I'm not human?"
He just laughed more and more.
"Don't laugh at me!"
"No I'm sorry it's just, I'm so relieved. I could never be disgusted in you Psyche no matter what you are I love you."
He smiled so sweetly, it made my face burn. Is this also a side effect of this thing called 'love'. He crawled on the bed and leaned up and kissed me on the forehead. The place even after as he broke away still burned hot. Something even jumped in my chest. My tears welled up again and I jumped up and hugged Tsugaru so tight and cried it out the whole night.
