Strange Behavior
A/N: Just a little one shot, that just gives us a good laugh at Ron (not that I don't like Ron, but… yeah) Anyhoo, this little… umm… situation was based off this thing that happened in 8th grade with my lab table… and Gone with the Wind and… well, it's kinda exaggerated, but it's basically what happened. Hope you like it! I think it's rather funny (I was the Hermione character!) Oh, and there are SPOILERS for HBP.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything… at all, but I sure wish I did.
The solemn potions class had just had a horrendous surprise potions test which Harry, Ron, and Hermione had already completed and were then forced to work silently until the rest of the class had finished. Harry was coming up with complicated Quidditch drills on a spare scrap of parchment. Hermione was half-heartedly flipping through the material they had just been tested on, while Ron was trying not so slyly to talk to Hermione.
"What did you get for number 68?" Ron asked nonchalantly as he spun a sickle he won from Harry in an intense game of exploding snaps that they had played a few nights ago that lasted until 3:21am.
"You actually want to discuss questions from the test? Doesn't that make you nauseous or something?" Hermione asked as she looked up from the top of her notes quizzically.
"Well," Ron began to blush, "I'm just, you know, really bored. WHOA! Look at that sickle spin! I…"
"Weasely," a dark voice snapped as it emerged from the shadows, "I do believe I said 'NO talking!' Anyone with half a brain would have something out to work on." Hermione hurriedly turned back to her book, while she began to push a thin book toward Ron. But Ron just stared at their substitute potions master, not even fazing. "Well, what are you waiting for Weasely, get something out to work on. I know for a fact that I gave you an essay on common spells used in the dark arts." Ron opened his mouth to either explain that he'd already done it or that he would rather spin his sickle, but Snape continued. "I mean, surely you can't be done, unless perhaps, Miss Granger has taken it upon her self to help you because she is feeling lost without a dunce like Longbottom clinging to her every bit of advice." Snape ended with a triumphant look upon his thin, pale, shadowy face, making him look more evil than normal.
Hermione stopped pushing a book toward him and pleaded silently that he wouldn't do anything stupid as she began to stare at her notes again. Obviously, he didn't get her telepathic message because Ron dared to answer, "Actually, I finished that all on my own, in fact I finished all my homework." The way he answered made him seem so smug. Hermione did a double take at the mention of Ron doing his homework, while Harry tried desperately to conceal a laugh. Snape wasn't thinking along these lines.
"10 points from Gryffindor! If you don't have something to work on get a book from the library as there is still another hour of silence left." Ron got up to leave in a calm, maybe even in an excited way, but Snape continued in his low, yet still captivating voice, "Be back in fifteen minutes or it'll be 50 more points!"
Ron grumbled something about, "greasy git" and "really needs some breath mints" as he left the room. Hermione chuckled to herself slightly. Ron was finally getting what he deserved for not listening to their teachers. She didn't like losing house points or being thought of as a know it all, but Ron did deserve it. It was kind of a bitter sweet victory for Hermione.
10 minutes later, Ron came back, a little flushed, slightly out of breath, and robes a mess, as if he'd ran across the school to the library and back. With a rather loud thud, Ron sat down at his and Hermione's table with this giant, worn out, leather bound book carried effortlessly in his right arm.
"Hogwarts, A History?" Hermione hissed. "Why'd you pick that?"
"Because it's my favorite book, duh," Ron replied.
Hermione rolled her eyes and went back to studying and acting as if she found no amusement in the situation, while Harry was trying not to fall out of his chair from laughter.
Ron opened the book with a mocking caution. "Wow, the print's really small," Ron said as he started to read the random page he had opened it to.
Harry and Hermione started sniggering at the image of the very childlike Ron trying to read intelligently aloud from the over-sized book. "The four house founders…" he began.
Hermione had officially stopped going over her homework and Harry was shaking from laughter. "Are you alright?" Hermione asked as she began to laugh as well.
By now, it was if the whole class was watching them, except for Snape who was looking at the old potions textbooks as if he was searching for something. Finally, the sound of snickering grew loud enough for Snape to hear, although, Snape might never have heard Ron, if Malfoy hadn't laughed so hard. Malfoy must have thought Snape would say, "One million points from Gryffindor!" and make his pathetic little life worth living for another day.
At that point Snape had turned around, making the class grow very silent and turn quickly back to their work, or rather, pretended to go back to their work. Hermione went back to her studying and Harry went back to his Quidditch tactics. "Mr. Weasely, would you care to share what you are doing that has the class's unwavering attention?" Snape asked as he began to walk toward Ron and Hermione's table.
Ron shrugged, "I dunno, I was just reading my book like you told me to."
Hermione was horrified. She couldn't believe Ron had just said that to Snape, (I mean, come on, Snape of all people! It couldn't have been Flitwick or even Slughorn himself. If any of them had been there Ron might have lived, but SNAPE?) but the pain continued to inflict all those watching as Ron crashed and burned. "Would you mind returning this book for me, I think I'm done with it," Ron added as he held the book up to his greasy substitute potions master without even saying please.
The class got ready for Snape to explode. Hermione lowered in her seat, trying to hide behind her potions book, but even though it weighed a ton, it didn't seem nearly big enough to hide her now. Even Harry had completely stopped laughing and stared motionlessly at his paper trying not to make a sound and draw attention to himself. It looked like everyone, except Malfoy and his gang of Slytherin freaks who had all turned their chairs to watch the show, pretended to be completely invisible. Perhaps everyone thought that Snape would inflict cruel and unusual punishments on him (and possibly them), like giving them an elephant size amount of homework, pull a Moody and turn Ron into a ferret, or even worse jump on a desk and start singing "I'm Too Sexy." (I shudder at that thought, but… I couldn't resist – if you don't like it you can blame my sister, if you do, you can thank me!)
But no, Snape did none of those things. He just stared blankly back at Ron, as if he was trying to register what had just happened. It was probably a very odd experience having a student talk back to him in such a calm way, without a flicker of fear in his voice. Then, Snape snapped back into reality and put back on his usual malicious face. "Well, Weasley, it seems that you have possibly grown a back bone this year," Snape began coolly, Ron remained unfazed. "And perhaps," Snape continued getting a little louder and a little meaner, "that would have made Professor Slughorn… happy, for lack of a better word, but I'm your substitute now and you will follow my rules…"
But it was just then that the bell rang and Ron jumped up, scooted passed Snape and raced out of the dank and extremely repulsive dungeon before Snape could realize what happened and take away more house points, or give him detention.
Harry and Hermione left moments later to find Ron eating a large plate of spaghetti in the Great Hall. They both were wondering what had gotten into Ron. He'd never spoken back to his teachers before, especially without turning red, and today he hadn't even shown a pinkish tinge in is freckled skin. It was like he was a whole other person.
"What was that?" Hermione said in a voice that was shocked, disapproving, and slightly amused, all at the same time (without exploding).
"That was bloody brilliant, mate," Harry added as he sat down next to Ron. Hermione scowled slightly at them before she too sat down.
Ron didn't answer or even acknowledge their arrival. They just continued to shove forkfuls of noodles into his mouth.
"Ron, seriously, if the bell hadn't rung, Snape would have demolished you," Hermione continued, pausing as if to invite Ron to explain, but he remained silent. Hermione began to get frustrated, "Why won't you tell us what has gotten into you? You're not the Ron that I know. When that Ron comes back, you can tell him that I'm in the library." She waited another moment before she got up and left to go to the library, probably to check a book on strange conditions of even stranger behaviors.
Harry, who'd eaten enough, just turned to Ron and said, "You know, I'm not an expert or anything, but I don't think that's the way to get a girl, especially one like Hermione."
Harry's comment made Ron stop mid bite and stare blankly and straight forward, thinking about what Harry had said as if it were some enlightening statement.
A/N: Sooo… what did you think? I think the end was a little… weird and not as funny, but I still like it. You know what else I like? I'll give you 3 guess: 1) Ice cream… well yes, but that's not what I was thinking, 2) Flaming Hot Cheetos… well, yeah, but that's not it either, 3) Reviews… omg! I think you've got it! Please review with anything from constructive criticism to just "I love your story!" Please… and thank you!
