It's Odd for Me to Care
by Minako

Well, I left my manga at home, so I didn't get to check the
actual writer of it... Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing doesn't in any way
shape or form belong to me (though I wish I had a Duo) ^_^

-------

Have you ever killed anything? What's it like? Does it hurt to
do it? Emotionally, I mean. I have killed, though I don't know what
it's like. I don't feel the way people do, I don't care the way people
do, and nothing matters to me. No one matters to me. Well, no one used
to matter to me. That doesn't matter though.

I can be anyone you know. Your friend, the guy next door, that
annoying little punk who threw eggs at your house last week. I could be
anyone. People never expect me to be who I am. Sometimes I find it
amusing how little people really see, but that's just me, and I am
cruel.

I have been called that many a time. A cruel angel with no
sense of mercy, that's me. The choices you may think you have are taken
away by me with no second thought, I honestly don't care. Or, maybe I
did, once, and maybe I do, now, just not the same way you do, perhaps
you don't understand, but that doesn't matter.

You learn that quickly while talking with me, very little in
life actually matters. You can be remembered for years and years after
you die, and it doesn't matter. You've still died, and nothing but
yourself matters, that's what I always believed. I never thought this
truth could be changed, I never believed my point of view could be
changed, but it can be, and it has been.

You see, I met this person, he was a nobody. He was quiet, and
almost emotionless, like myself, though in a way, he was louder than I
was. I think it's because I could blend in better than he could. I'm
one of those people that everyone wants to talk to, I can listen to
anything anyone says, and it won't bother me, no matter how terrible it
is, because I don't care, but they don't know that.

That doesn't matter, it's not what I was talking about. He was
very quiet in a loud way. He glared at people, and was very hostile
towards everyone, without saying anything. Sometimes I would wonder how
he managed it, but it didn't matter, like I said, very few things
really do. I decided to try to change this person, it was something for
me to do in my free time, and I needed something to do. I get bored
easily, have I mentioned that?

Yes, I decided that he would have to become more of an open
person, so I followed him around. I teased him, and talked to him. He
would usually ignore me, though occasionally I would get death threats.
I always found that amusing. Him threatening me of all people with
death. This went on for quite a while, and I didn't seem to be able to
get through to him. Then slowly, very slowly, it seemed he was opening
up. He no longer threatened death on me, just told me to shut up, and
I'd even spotted him smiling once or twice. The strange thing was, that
I found I felt happy. Well, I think it was happy, I'm never too sure
about these emotions people have.

He was my only friend for a while, and then, like all other
humans, he died. He was rather young when he died, and I actually found
that I was sad when he died. That I definitely found odd. Me, of all
people, feeling sad over the death of someone, but that was the way it
was, and it's still the way it is, I miss him you know.

What relevance does that little story of mine hold? Short and
badly told as it was? I found that his life did matter to me, and I
began to wonder if this worked for most people, not just the famous
ones. If one person could live on in casual stories told to one's
family late at night. It had never occurred to me before. It was very
strange.

Then, something even stranger occurred to me, what if I held
relevance in someone's life? Would I be important? Would I matter? I
find it odd that a person like me, who is truly detached, and truly
cares about no one could matter. Then again, I find a lot of things
relating to humans odd. Although, suddenly, I'm beginning to find a lot
of things about myself odd. How can I say I care about no one when he
made such a huge impact on me? Yes, it is strange, very odd. I love
that word, it explains everything perfectly. It's odd that the sun
would happen to shine. It's odd that the Earth just happened to end up
with these humans living on it. It's odd that these humans seem to
think they rule all. It's odd that one mere human could make me think
so much. It's odd that death could care.

-------

Ok, most of the things I wrote in grade ten were like this. I'm
convinced that the only reason I got the English award was because my
teacher was afraid I was suicidal ^_^ nah, it wasn't that bad. But
everything I wrote was like this... I was on a real Gundam W, Duo fix
at the time ^_^ ANYWAY, C&C are welcome, kind crits are ok, but flames
make me cry.