In the End
Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation or any thing related to it, and I don't own the song (In the End by Linkin Park). I do, however, own the plot line that I've managed to develop.
Warnings: Homosexual relationships (duh...) and probably some very mild cursing. Also, these characters will be kind of OOC when compared to the regular series (both manga and anime), but remember that it is natural because I am not Maki Murakami and am only using her characters for my own story. Thanks!
AN: This will be at least a 3 part song fiction, and I will be using at least two more songs. I think I know what I will be using, but if you have any suggestions I'd be happy to heart them.
Also: Lyrics are in italics and the story itself is in plain type.
Enjoy and please review!
I'm sitting outside in your living room again, having just been kicked out after our increasingly rare round of sex. I can't even call it 'loving making' anymore...did you ever even consider it that?
We've been together for three years now, Yuki, and you've never told me, even once, that you've loved me and meant it. Recently, you've grown more distant as well. Sometimes I feel as if you don't even realize that I'm there with you. What am I to you? Did you ever love me, or was it all just a ploy?
(It starts with one)
One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
Suddenly, I can't just sit here anymore. I cannot just sit around here, acting like you're convenient toy. It has just become too much. I don't know why it started now, but now that it has, I can't stop myself.
I stand up off the couch and gather my stuff up quietly. I actually have a surprisingly small amount of personal items to carry. It is probably because that I kept taking things with me to Hiro's house whenever you would kick me out of our...I mean your house when you were nearing a deadline or were just sick of me. All my stuff manages to fit in a single backpack. I'm leaving behind the pictures that we had, as few as those were.
(All I know)
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
Before I leave, I can't help but look into your room one more time and see your sleeping face. I can't and don't fight this urge because I know that, on some level, I still care for you, but I can't stand it anymore. Then I wonder, will you even notice that I'm gone? How long will it take you?
About to cry, I turn away and move silently towards the doors. Before I leave, I glance at the clock in the living room, and I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry at the irony. It is now midnight. This was the exact hour that you first walked into my life, and it is in that same hour that I will walk right out of yours.
(It's so unreal)
Really didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
I wasted it all just to watch you go
I run out of the door quickly. I don't even realize where I'm going, just allowing my feet to take me where they will. I know I can't go to Hiro's, he is visiting Ayaka in Kyoto right now and won't be back for nearly a month, and I don't even want to think about what would happen if I tried to seek refuge with Fujisaki.
By the time I stop running, I'm out of breath. My eyes closed, I sink onto what I realize is cold, damp grass. My violet orbs open, and I laugh bitterly as I realize that my feet have carried me to one of the places I'm not sure I want to be at. I'm in the park where we first met, mere feet from the spot where you stood when I first saw you.
(Watch you go)
I kept everything inside and
Even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of the time I tried so hard
I guess I can't really blame you entirely. I know that you didn't want me in your life in the first place, but I was hopeful that I could change your mind. I had hoped that, with time, you could come to care for me as I care for you. I kept all the pain inside from all your snide remarks, acting as if they didn't even faze me. I never let you know that you did hurt me. I tried so hard to put the pieces that you broke together and salvage whatever I could of us, and now look where I am. I'm shattered, I'm alone, and I'm, due to fate's sense of humor, in the park where we first met. I'm not even sure if I recognize myself anymore.
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I tried so hard. I tried to help and protect you, but you didn't want me to. I even let Aizawa and his hired goons have their way with me just so you would be safe. I know that hurt you because it reminded you of Kitazawa, and at the time I though that your worrying over me was because you loved me. I guess, in your own twisted way, you did care for me, but I also have to wonder when did that change? When did all my attempts become worth nothing? When did you stop caring, and why did I still try?
One thing, I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how I tried so hard
I guess that the major question over all would be "Why". Why did I try so hard? Why didn't you? Why did I care for you when you didn't care for me? Why didn't you stop everything before it got so far? Why were you so cruel at times? Just...why?
(I tried so hard)
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised it got so
You always put me down. I loved you and gave all of myself; my mind, heart, body, and soul; to you, and you didn't seem to really understand or try to understand how much you meant to me. You only ever acted kind or protective of me when I was physically hurt by another, like with the Aizawa incident, or when others attempted to pursue me. I guess you were simply possessive of what you considered your property, right Yuki?
(Got so far)
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
I take off my backpack, careful not to break anything, before I lay down on my back in the grass. I stare up at the stars and wonder where my innocence went and when it disappeared. What happened to the boy with the rosy glasses attached firmly to his face? I hardly even recognize myself anymore, and I wonder if you would recognize this side of me, the side that has spent all of its true tears on you. After all, I have done a pretty good job of hiding from everyone what has been going on between the two of us.
(In the end)
You kept everything inside and
Even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be
A memory of the time I tried so hard
I close my eyes tiredly and let my mind drift. I'm scared, but I know that I've done the right thing. You were never willing to totally open up to me. Yes, you told me some of your past, but you refused to let me completely see who you are now. Only a select few could see that, and I was not one of them. I guess that should've been my first clue that I wasn't truly needed.
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
It is just a pity that it took me so long to notice. I always was too stubborn for my own good. I had to lose almost all of myself before I could finally realize that it truly would never work. I guess that now that I've fallen, I have to find a way to pick up the pieces.
I've put my trust in you
Pushed out as far as I can go
For all this
There's only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed out as far as I can go
For all this
There's only one thing you should know
I know I should pick myself up off the ground and find some decent shelter for the night considering that winter is starting to come in nicely, and I definitely won't come out of a night on the grass without, at the very least, a cold. Somehow, though, I can't truly bring myself to care and allow my mind to drift off.
The last thing I hear before I succumb to the exhaustion brought on by several sleepless nights is a familiar voice calling my name. I know that I should remember the name of the owner of the voice, but it eludes my mind.
In my sleep, though, I dream of piercing sapphire eyes framed by brunette locks beside a pink bunny doll.
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
AN: So, what did you think? Good, bad, great, terrible? I appreciate all constructive criticisms, and flames will, naturally, be used to toast marshmallow for smores. -
