Peeta couldn't feel anything but the pain that seemed so intense, that he half expected it to radiate off him like heat. He expected everyone around him to burn, swallowed by the fiery inferno that controlled his thoughts, his very being. He lost sight of the shiny syringes that brought this pain. The pain he swore stopped his heart.

Maybe he was imagining all this, after all the needles had began to make him question everything, everything he should trust seems like a lie. But he's used to lies, he thinks. He thinks too much his mind wanders in between the sessions that leave him weak, shaking and shivering on his cell floor the very sessions that leave him sick to his stomach, screaming and rocking on the floor as his head splits open . His mind wanders to dark corners of his thoughts, scaring him.

The needles merged dreams and reality, he was the boy on fire once more. But was he the boy on fire, he remembers the girl with the red dress, alighting on a... stage he thinks. He does however remember joint hands or maybe even that was a lie. All he can truly trust is the pain he feels.

Sometimes she smiles and sometimes she snarls. Her face is vague in his mind. His exhausted and starved body not strong enough to hold on. He feels his memories slip away like water. But as blurry as her face is just thinking of her silhouette sends a painful just through his heart, a writhing monster clawing at his organs, ripping open his heart. But he didn't want to forget.

Why?

Sometimes he screamed that word out loud for hours, days, years, what difference does it make? Hoping some sense would enter his mind. It didn't work. Sometimes he would scream out a word that came to mind over and over again until the spent girl in the cell next to his would scream at him to stop and a guard would beat him until he was quiet or out cold. It was usually the latter.

One feeling that he couldn't forget or mix up was the suffocating loneliness, the sense of abandonment he felt. When they showed him a video of her, along with the other thousands of emotions he felt. If he searched enough for it he would find abandonment. Is abandonment really that strong? He thinks to himself. That it can burn through the anger and fear he feels at the sight of her face, to his muddled mind.

Even after all the videos and needles, even then, a tiny part of him screamed at his mind to stop. That he loved her-it, he corrected himself, he couldn't love that mutt. His mind continued the ruthless battle he couldn't stop the voices. So he screamed out and banged his head on the wall sending a numb pain through his scalp. He ought to of stopped but he couldn't, all he could do was scream ''SHUT UP!'' into the dank, cramped cell. Allowing the dark to absorb the noise.

Finally even abandonment couldn't fight the anger that manipulated his mind, he couldn't feel a tug in his heart. All he could feel was the anger he felt at the Mutt, that gave him a drive to kill. She has to die.

Katniss Everdeen has to die.


This is my first fanfiction so please give me some feedback and enjoy

WFAR