Galadriel's Diary

Monday:

Celeborn decided to have Botox injected into his face. Result? He can hardly move any facial muscles at all and he looks totally miserable. I did try to tell him that elves being immortal don't need Botox but would he listen?

Tuesday:

Those blasted birds have cr****ed in my mirror again! If they don't learn soon it's not a birdbath I'm going to have some archery practice. Actually ….bird feathers would make a nice fascinator.

Wednesday:

Had a peak in my mirror to see if I could catch a glimpse of Granddaughter's boyfriend with his kit off. Unfortunately he was dressed but filthy as usual. I wonder why that man's unwashed state is such a turn on…

Thursday:

I have resolved to make elven cloaks a different colour from now on… The grey is all very well but a keep losing the damn things when I put them down.

Friday:

I started to have a clear out. You have no idea how much junk you accumulate over thousands of years. So far I have found;

8 brooches in the shape of leaves (why 8? I don't even need one)

3 metal belts 1 man-size, 2 size zero ( I was never size zero even as a teen-elf)

1 large bow ( Haldir blubbed like a baby when he caught me shooting at birds so I suppose it had better go.)

2 shiny knives not of the cutlery variety.

1 snow globe like glass with a light inside. I think it once had "a souvenir from the west" engraved on the bottom ..Why do we buy these things when we're on vacation?

1 very large rather vulgar brooch with a green stone in it.

Some old rope (and no you can't get money for it)

A biscuit tin which once held an assortment of rather yummy contents but all that's left now are some wafers of lembas. Ever hopeful I looked in the second layer but all that was there was (you guessed it) More lembas!

Wonder if I can offload any of this tat onto anyone…

Saturday

Decided to go for a ride in my beautiful swan boat. Damn thing sprung a leak!

Sunday.

Had another glimpse in my mirror. For some reason it showed me a future time when Gandalf shows up totally naked (not a pretty sight) Had to go and have a lie down to recover.