A/N: Hey guys, I'm back. So this story was inspired by an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, my favorite show. I'm really sorry if it has a lot of mistakes, it was just written really fast and it wasn't checked by my beta because I was too eager to post it so please don't kill me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did while writing it. Okay, too much talking so I'm going to leave you guys to read it now. Bye!

Dirty Talking

The staff room was empty except for Flitwick and Snape. Both were sitting at the two corners of the room; Flitwick was reading the Daily Prophet and Snape was reading the new edition of "Potions Today". Flitwick finished his newspaper and looked at Snape.

"So how are you and Rolanda doing?" asked Flitwick.

Snape looked up from his magazine, "Excuse me?"

"Didn't you two become a couple on Valentine's Day?"

"Ah, yes, yes, we did," answered Snape, clearing his throat uncomfortably, and looked back down at his magazine.

"You've been together for three weeks. So, how's it going?"

"Not very good," replied Snape.

"Really?" asked Flitwick. He wasn't surprised though. Hooch and Snape were just too different for each other. And besides he had always thought that something was going on between McGonagall and Snape. "Why?"

"I'm not really comfortable discussing this with you," Snape told him and continued reading.

"Why not? I might be able to help," said Flitwick eagerly.

Snape shook his head, "I really don't think so,"

Flitwick smiled, "Try me,"

Snape looked up again. Could Flitwick, of all people, really help him? He doubted it but decided to try. At least it wasn't McGonagall. If he told her about his problem she won't let him off so easily. He probably wouldn't hear the last of it for years. Though he really enjoyed the time they spent arguing or just teasing each other.

"Fine, but if you breathe a word to anyone about this…"

"Don't worry," Flitwick made a movement like he was locking his mouth.

Snape took a deep breath. No turning back. "Rolanda likes certain things…and I'm not good at them,"

Flitwick stared at him confused, "What kind of things?"

Snape took a deep breath again. It was obvious that he wasn't very comfortable talking with Flitwick. Hell he wasn't comfortable talking with anyone about this.

"She likes…dirty talking." Finally it was out of his mouth.

"Dirty talking? Rolanda? And?"

"I completely messed it up last night."

"What happened?"

"Well…"

***

Last night

Snape and Hooch were making out on the couch in her quarters. They've had their fifth date tonight and when they got back from Hogsmeade, Rolanda invited him back to her quarters for a drink. Snape accepted the invitation though when they walked in they didn't even get close to the drinks. As soon as the door closed behind them Hooch threw herself at him and started kissing him. They made it to the couch and lied on it. Everything was going really well. Until…

"Severus, talk to me," Hooch told him as she pulled away to look at his face. Snape looked at her confused.

"Um, okay." He paused to clear his throat and then continued, "Tonight, when we were at the restaurant did you happen to notice that guy that…"

"No, no," Hooch put a finger on his mouth silencing him, "Talk dirty." She whispered seductively.

Snape's eyes widened. "Talk dirty?" he stuttered.

"Yes, say something…hot," she replied as she tried to get rid of his shirt.

"Oh, um okay." It was pretty hard to think of something dirty to say when you are not good at it and when the woman you are supposed to say it to has just opened your shirt and is kissing your chest. So he said the first thing that came into his mind which was, "Ass,"

***

"Ass?" asked Flitwick amused. "Seriously, that was the only thing you could think of? That's not even dirty! Everybody has one of those,"

"I kind of panicked, alright? "Snape told him angrily, "You know it wasn't a total loss. The mood was broken but at least we ended up cuddling,"

"Wow, cuddling. That's really forward for a fifth date. Do you think you would end up doing it before you die?" joked Flitwick.

"Haha, very funny. I'm just not a dirty talking kind of guy," shrugged Snape.

"What's the big deal? You just say what you want to do to her and what you want her to do to you," explained Flitwick. "Come on, try something on me,"

Snape looked shocked, "Please be kidding,"

"Come on, there is no one here. No one's going to find out anyway. Just close your eyes and tell me what you want to be doing to her right now,"

"Okay, we're in my quarters," started Snape, closing his eyes.

"Okay, what else?" urged him Flitwick, watching him intently.

"That's it, we're in my quarters and I'm not going to discuss this with you anymore."

Snape got up from his seat and threw his magazine on one of the tables. Flitwick raised himself on his chair so he could at least be as tall as to get to Snape's shoulder.

"Come on, it not that hard. Here I'll start. Oh, Severus," Flitwick started whispering seductively, "you make me so hot, I want your lips on me now. See it's not hard. Now you try,"

Snape stood there watching him the whole time with his eyes widened and mouth opened. "I really don't think so,"

"Oh, come on. You like Hooch right? You want to see her naked, right? Well, if you can't talk dirty to me how are you going to talk dirty to her? Now tell me you want to caress my butt!" yelled Flitwick.

No matter ho much he was disgusted, Snape figured that that was his only chance of getting anywhere near sex.

"Fine, turn around,"

For the first time through their whole conversation it was Flitwick's turn to look shocked.

"I just don't want you staring at me when I do it," explained quickly Snape and Flitwick released a breath and turned around. Snape closed his eyes and pictured him and Hooch on the couch again.

"I…I want to feel your…hot…soft…skin with my lips," started Snape nervously.

"That's good, keep going, keep going," encouraged him Flitwick.

None of them noticed the door to the staff room opening and Minerva McGonagall walking in to collect the papers she had left behind earlier. She saw the two of them just standing there. They looked really weird standing like that in silence with their eyes closed and Flitwick standing on a chair so she decided to ask what they were doing. However, before she could do that Snape started talking again.

"I want to…to…take my tongue out…" he started again but paused thinking how to better say his thoughts out laud.

McGonagall on the other hand froze as soon as she heard the sentence coming out of Severus Snape's mouth. Her eyes widened and her mouth nearly dropped to the floor. What the hell were they doing? After overcoming her shock an evil smile lightened her face. She took a few steppes back as quietly as possible so she was standing near on the tables behind them.

"Say it," Flitwick encouraged him, "Say it,"

"…and run it all over your body until you are trembling with…with…" Snape suddenly stopped. McGonagall had leaned back on the table so hard that the table moved a little and made a creaking sound. The sound reached both Snape and Flitwick's ears and they stopped breathing. There was someone behind them. They slowly started to turn around until they saw McGonagall standing a few feet away with her eyebrows raised and her hand on her mouth trying to stop the laugh that was going to come out. They stood there for a few moments just staring at each other until McGonagall managed to calmed down and remove her hand from her mouth.

"With?" she asked with fake curiosity.

"It's a funny story, really just…" started Flitwick but McGonagall interrupted him, collecting the papers she had forgotten.

"It's alright, it's alright, I've always wanted you kids to get together," she laughed and walked out of the room leaving both man staring after her.

"Well, that went well," said Flitwick.

"Oh, my God," whined Snape sitting in the nearest chair and putting his face in his hands, "I'll never hear the end of it now,"

A/N: I hope you guys like it and please tell me if I should continue it because I have some ideas about what happens next and if I do continue it it's going to be McGonagall/Snape and not Hooch/Snape. So, guys please tell if I should continue.