The truth of Rokkenjima

"Kanon –kun" cried Jessica as he was about to be impaled by one of the seven dildos of purgatory. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAH EETS PAEFEKUTO" cried Beatoriche so evilly. Kanon was so impaled it felt like he had just ate a whole box of mini rolos and he threw up all of his insides and they were so horrible and they don't even taste like rolos and you can see that Kanon was so sad that they did not taste like Rolos and he was impaled.

Jessica cried tears like she had never not cried before and she thought of all the possibilities such as going back in time but then she remembered that she watched an anime called Steins;Gate once and she knew that bad things would happen such as that bitch moeka killing mayuri over and over except this time mokea is beatoriche. But then moeka died that one time in one of the worklds and I actually felt pretty bad for her.

Then she realised that she could always count on her big bro knuckles the echidna. Knuckles was so strong but he looked pretty weak so he took steroids to look bigger and wow did he ever except the steroids caused his intelligence to deteriorate so he was kinda dumb. Jessica ran into knuckles and kicked off his hands and she flew SO HIGH into the sky and she swear she saw a spaceshuip that said kanon is gonna died and she was so sad and she gasped and cried but then she steeled her resolve as hard as a stainless steel fork but then she accidentally bit into it ad it caused her tooth to go crooked and she got so mad at forks and she did not eat with them or watch twilight for a few months. She went so high into space that when she came down she landed BACK IN TIME.

"woow! Wow! Who are you O_o" said keiichi "hey u kinda remind me of mion"

"NO TIME FOR THAT, CUM NOW PLEASE!" and she grabbed keiichi and brought them back in time and she and keiichi and knuckles the enchilada were able to defeat beatoriche and save kanon the end.

A/N hai guys i just got about halfway throught the umineko visual novels and i i wanted to recreate the same sense of mystery that all when they cry fans enjoy.