"You never forget your first love."
These words rang true to Meredith Grey. She remembered vividly the raven haired blue eyed boy she fell in love with during medical school. He was different than anyone she had ever been with. So why was he suddenly crossing her mind? That had been years ago, she was a fifth year resident now, she shouldn't be taking long trips down memory lane. She was, though. The memories constantly interfered with the surgeries she loved, making it nearly impossible to concentrate.
Derek Shepherd should not be on her mind. Derek Shepherd had disappeared 7 years ago from her life with nothing so much as a goodbye. A note...a note she could handle. A fucking phone call or text message may have even sufficed. But nothing, he just packed up and left one day while she was at class. She remembered that they had fought over something the day before he left, but it wasn't the type of fight where you left the "love of your life."
"I said I wanted to be with you Meredith! One hundred and ten! And yet you can't even take the fucking time to talk to me anymore, it's like I'm second rate to you sometimes," he yelled as he ran his fingers through his curls.
"What the fuck do you want me to say Derek? That I'm going to give my career up? That medicine isn't important to me? It's who I am! My mother is Ellis fucking Grey, Derek. I would be disinherited if I gave this up," she breathed.
"What about me? What about us? Who the fuck are we kidding Mer, we can't even act civilized for 3 seconds, and...I...I love you. I love you and even if you're the most frustrating person in the world, I still love you. You're the love of my life," he said quietly as he traced her cheek with him thumb.
A few tears rolled down her cheeks and she leaned into his touch. She loved him, she knew that much. She just didn't know how this was supposed to work. She'd never done the whole relationship, leave your toothbrush over, kind of thing. This was all new to her. She figured she'd be able to learn along the way, that it'd be fun...she just didn't expect the fighting. Sometimes it felt like all they did was have sex, fight, then have make up sex before fighting yet again.
"I...I love you too Der. I know I don't say it often enough, but I do...love you," she whispered, but avoided his gaze.
"See Meredith, this is what you do. You love me but you won't even look me in the eyes when you say it. What's going to happen to us when we're on different sides of the country?"
She gasped, this came as a shock to her. They had talked about this. Derek was a fourth year and she was a second year, but they had discussed trying to be at the same hospital. Or at least in the same city. But now he was saying they'd be on opposite coasts.
"What!? Derek...I thought we agreed? I thought we were going to try to be at the same hospital as one another. You know I can't do this without you," she sighed as she looked him in the eyes, "I love you Der. I...I...thought we were in this together," she mumbled as fresh tears pooled in her eyes.
"We can't do this. We can't go on thinking that there's a possibility we'll be at the same hospital it's..."
"You said to have faith Derek!" she interjected.
"I...I don't know," he muttered as he took up pacing in front of her. She watched him run his hand through his hair and sigh.
"Stop the pacing, damnit! You're making me dizzy."
He stopped and looked at her. Blue clashed with green and that was all it took for him to ravage his lips with hers.
"Meredith! Are you even listening to me?!"
Her head snapped up and she was met with an angry glare from Cristina Yang, her best friend, her person.
"Huh what's wrong?"
"Seriously Mer? I've been here for about 10 minutes asking you if you wanted to head to Joe's when you were done your shift. You just stood there all misty eyed and far away. What the hell happened today?"
"Uhh...n-nothing happened today. Just surgeries and umm…patients. Nothing out of the norm. I had some surgeries...why?" She rambled quickly.
"Spill it."
"Nothing to spill," she said as she started walking away.
"Seriously? I've known you for 4 years Mer. You're doing the rambling and avoiding shit again. What's going on?"
"There's nothing to tell," she said more firmly. She didn't want to talk about this. This wasn't something she wanted to share yet with her best friend. They all thought she was dark and twisty as it was, no need to add to it.
"Fine. Joe's?"
She nodded her response before answering the shrilling of her pager.
--
"Boys are stupid! Why do we even need them?" Meredith slurred to Cristina and Izzie.
"For sex," Cristina bluntly stated before slamming back another shot.
"Well...not necessarily. They make toys to take care of their job," Meredith giggled.
"Gimme that, you're drunk," Cristina laughed as she tried grabbing her drink away.
Meredith hugged it close to her body, "No! Its mine! And I'm not drunk. I'm clearly stating a fact. They do make toys to take care of a man's job Cris. Right Iz?"
"Uhh yeah. I'm not getting involved," the blonde said slowly.
"Meredith...listen to me."
"Huh, what?" She turned towards Cristina, almost falling off her stool.
"Look you need to get laid alright? See that guy over there, he's hot and he keeps staring at you. So go over there and take him home. Got it?"
"Cris...I don't want to sleep with anyone. I don't need to sleep with anyone."
"Yes...you do. You're miserable Meredith. Go have some hot sex and be less miserable. Go go go!" She shouted as she pushed Meredith off her stool and into the general direction of the guy.
Meredith shot her friend a hateful look before stumbling over to where the guy was sitting. He was alone in a booth and when he noticed she was walking over to him, he smirked. She didn't know whether to return the smirk or not, so she sat across from him.
"So my friends say you've been staring at me," she smiled coyly.
He smirked back at her before lifting his glass to his lips, keeping his eyes trained on her. He swallowed the amber liquid and studied her carefully. Her long honey blonde hair curled naturally around her face. He couldn't get over the luminosity of her eyes. There was something missing though, there was no sparkle in them. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. Her giggle, though, was contagious and he found himself chuckling along with her.
"I'm Meredith," she said with a bright smile. Again he noticed how her eyes showed no glimmer. He wanted to know why this beautiful girl in front of him was so sad. He was curious as to what her story could be.
He stuck out his hand, "Jamie."
Meredith bit back a small gasp the second their hands met. She felt sparks when his skin touched hers. She smiled playfully up at him before releasing his hand.
He motioned to the bar, "what are you drinking?"
She bit her lower lip, "Umm...tequila."
He quirked an eyebrow at her.
"What?" She giggled.
"Really? Tequila? You'll regret that in the morning."
"I normally do," she gave him a flirty wink.
"So...Meredith...do you want to get out of here?"
"Sure," she smiled seductively as she stuck out her hand to him. "Let's get out of here."
I had no clue, what I was getting into, so I blame it on the Cuervo
Oh where did my manners go?
